ChickPea Souffle

Meantime, Down in the Deep Dark Dell…..

2011-08-02T11:54:00.000+01:00

With all the rain of the last few weeks - and more today - there’s been plenty of growth in the lawn. I think ours is a ‘field grass’ lawn, with a few bits of better class turf which have been bought in along the way to bolster the gardener’s morale. What we actually need is a robust, low-growth, sturdy, fine-leafed, dog-pee-proof, maintenance-free, hen-proof type of grass which grows extremely slowly……. Any suggestions?

Having pulverized said grass into submission with the mower I now find I need to crash on the sofa for 6 hours. … well, for 30 mins minimum. Just taking the dog out has a similar effect. This fatigue and lethargy may relate to the recent finding of raised blood pressure, which will be addressed with doc tomorrow morning. That Easter Wipeout Virus may be involved, as a persisting erratic cough has been surfacing intermittently since then. And the recent growing realization that the HRT was probably a significant factor re headaches, low morale, increasing irritability, poor quality sleep, joint pains and recurring hot flushes instigated a stop……. some relief for 5 days, but then the sleep and flushes got even worse, so back to the formula of several months ago which made a HUGE difference – for about 2 weeks…………. Oh, to have been born male………

I guess this current ‘deep, dark, dell’ holds a few insights as well as multiple chewy beanstalks for the old cow ….(reference to my Latin teacher’s attempt many moons ago to remind her pupils of the vocal stresses considered necessary when reading pentameter verses out loud….. visit ‘ChickPea Risotto’ to read the rhyme)………

As a teenager I lived for several years in deeply distressing gloomy despondency. My teenage friends didn’t seem to relate to this at all, so it was mostly held within. I confided a little in my parish priest, a kind and wise gentleman (with a wife and 3 daughters) who did his utmost to guide, support and encourage my spiritual journey and development through those troublous times.

As my family didn’t even begin to acknowledge or communicate about ‘internal stuff’ I don’t suppose they had much of a clue, really – I was just their moody Youngest who wouldn’t ‘snap out of it’ (….like there was a choice, eh?)

For me, it was just how/where Life Was. It never occurred to me that there might be a REASON for it – like the hormonal shifts / imbalances which assail some at puberty. I hope that today’s parents, priests, GPs and youngsters are better informed. But I now realize that the Dark Places I have been bogged down in for these last many weeks of Great Grief seem to have a very similar terrain to those swamps encountered in teenage years. Hormonal Gymnastics seems very likely to be a related, and maybe the causal, factor.

Insights like these don’t feel like a lot of help, however. GP or Specialist just says, “stay with these tablets a bit longer and see if it all settles down”, or, “well, I have just the answer to the sleeping problem – take these”……. so the joint pains return, irritability sneaks in below the radar and escalates into epic proportions before muggins notices Something Is Amiss.

Fortunately I have generous friends who accept me as I am. Such kindness is a gift more precious than anything, and such Friendship is awesome………

Depths of Doldrum Duvet.......

2011-06-26T00:11:00.002+01:00

ChickPea is wandering around in the Doldrums and has lost her map at the moment. Somewhat bogged down and struggling to find a way forward thru tangled briars, bindweed and stinging nettles…..

It is a well known fact of Life that unresolved anger can hide quietly in the internal dustbin until a new, maybe exceedingly trivial annoyance, lifts the lid and allows the whole shebang to explode with a response completely out of proportion to the triggering incident. I grew up with a Much Loved who held such anger, and it is not an easy one to live alongside.

But I don’t think I had realized that Disappointments and Sadnesses can have a similar cumulative effect.

Disappointments and Sadnesses can appear to have been fully accepted, dispersed and assimilated into your Life’s Rich Tapestry……… but nonetheless there can be a heap of accumulating disappointments getting bigger when you’re not looking – you’re just doing your best to get on with survival and putting one foot in front of the other. …..

And THEN there’s the possibility that such a heap will reach a point where it just topples over and overwhelms you…….

Horrid “illness” bugs, working too many hours in the week, childlessness, bereavements, lost jobs, missed opportunities, public ‘fluffs’ in rare solo singing opportunities, friendships that have foundered – or seem to be foundering, personal potential that hasn’t found a way of nurture or development …….. generally accumulated clutter.............. and far, FAR too much rain………. and, no doubt, age and hormones………

All of these seem to feature in ChickPea’s current landscape, blotting out blessings and blurring perspective. Most had been lying down, so quietly slipping under the radar…….. seemingly ‘sorted’ (as Glasgow would put it) ……but ALL now jumping around with great vigour ....... proving a little tricky to handle and impossible to ignore………… worse to catch and deal with even than recalcitrant hens ……..

I guess some sunshine would help………. (it would certainly help the hens).

So I guess this is by way of apology to all who have any contact with me……… I haven’t been blogging, I haven’t been visiting around the blogosphere, I haven’t been my usual interested, outgoing and affirming self, I really haven’t been much fun to live with, and, I guess, I haven’t fully been ME…….

I know the grass will grow over all, but it may take a bit longer yet to create a lawn ………

A Most Mighty Mystery

2011-04-22T00:32:00.001+01:00

For much of my life, the ‘Easter Season’ has been a major focal point of my life. Lent, Holy Week and so to Easter…….. a yearly recurrence with ecclesiastically structured prompts of silence and solitude to stop, review, reflect, assess and reassess …… meeting myself……..who I am…… what I am……… where I am at …….. Not an easy process, and rarely a comfortable or enjoyable undertaking. But, sure as light follows darkness and eggs is eggs, this time of year seems to require of me a certain engagement with the essence of mortality…… a kind of ‘head to head’ with fundamental reality.

For me, this Lent has involved a looking back over my shoulder, whispers from the past, glimpsed shadows of The Loved But Lost who have passed on to eternity …….. renewed recognition that Water Passes Under The Bridge, and the twigs and ‘Pooh sticks’ of everyday existence catch in the reeds for a moment, then swirl away out of sight and into the far distance…………. The hopes and dreams of what the future just might hold fading in the harsh glare of Time’s headlights.

And so we reached Palm Sunday last weekend, then on into Holy Week.

Today we approached the Maundy Thursday liturgy. Stark contrasts of a rich sung mass (this year to be the Rheinberger setting) with the slightly embarrassing simplicity of feet being washed; the clash of fancy ornate robes and vestments with the everyday action of taking, breaking and sharing bread and wine. So much Big, Bright, Shiny and Lavish……. and then the shocking and harsh removal of all our accustomed church furnishings and embellishments …….. the solemn procession to a symbolic garden……. and then a darkened, chastened church…… and silent vigil …. the waiting for the end of it …….

So it would be, as so many times before. The rituals stirring up the hearts and minds and feelings of the assembled congregation in so many ways……. some engrossed in the act of worship……. others just there for the music….. some appalled at the time it was all taking……. others perplexed by the sheer drama……. Tumultuous, as at Gethsemane.

So it would be, and, I guess, so it was.

TH has been floored by an ‘upper respiratory tract infection’ for the last two weeks or so, sore throat, hacking cough, sleepless nights, papertrail of tissues…….. not a chance for him of singing the glorious Rheinberger this time.

Ten days behind him, finally feeling flesh succumbing to the inevitable last Sunday, I thought I would at least manage to be a part of the assembly tonight. Rehearsing tonight I realised this hope was futile. The voice was strained, and though in tune (so far as the dull deaf ear could tell) was probably not particularly pleasant and doubtless far from reliable. Risk assessment for the occasion indicated strategic withdrawal was mandatory.

So I took the dog out to romp with her canine companions in the gathering dusk, marvelled at the beauty of first-laid eggs from our junior hens, and moped with my husband.

Head to head with the disappointment and devastation of not being where I wished to be, nor doing what I wanted, and not even feeling up to returning later on to creep in to the dim and desolate silence, finally sheds yet another perspective upon fragile Mortality.

NB. Backing up your computer – just DO it………….

2010-12-08T21:58:00.000Z

As Scotland finds snow and low temperatures* are maintaining a vice-like grip, my computer has been rebuilt and I can now get online again………..

The hard drive turned up its toes in a terminal fashion just days before we went to Kirkcudbright for a brief holiday. TH kindly arranged replacement surgery while we were away, and then dealt with loading of the many essentials and necessaries (what a kind and lovely guy he is), so now I am tracing lost email addresses, etc …….. and finding this requires more time and energy than is available just now. It all demonstrates, rather too well, that backing up your computer is never a waste of time………

(*Temperature of -10 degrees centigrade at 5pm this evening)

Bramble counting sheep on holiday near Kirkcudbright (with thanks to gordonrasmith for the photograph)

2010-12-08T21:37:00.002Z

And NOW.........

2010-10-02T22:45:00.001+01:00

Dearest Reader - Greetings. Sorry to be away so long. Here is a ‘catch-up’.

My left arm is now nearly healed after the final fracas 3 weeks ago with the Springer/collie cross dog that we had been trying to re-home. My right hand is healed but quite sore at times after the first fracas within 24 hours of his arrival with us 6 weeks previously. He is a beautiful dog, an excellent retriever of tennis balls, and shows strong evidence of some previous obedience training - but he also has serious issues which the Dogs’ Trust at West Calder promised would be addressed carefully before they would consider any attempt to re-home him again. (So I am not at all sure why he was re-advertised just 2 weeks after we had returned him with a full and honest report. I sincerely hope he doesn’t bite again, because he wasn’t messing about).

We now have another new 4-footed member of the family. She is a black,13 and a half-weeks’ old, Standard Poodle puppy called ‘Bramble’, who went on holiday with us to the Ardnamurchan Peninsula for a few days, and is just gorgeous! She is fantastically soft, very cuddly, will now (usually) ‘sit’ to command and has learnt ’lie down’ over the past 2 days, retrieve a ball from across the room, stay dry all night till her toilet trip into the garden the next morning, and falls asleep whenever the chance arises.............

Last Saturday saw us take a trip towards Biggar to replenish our depleted feathered flock, returning home with 3 new hens, currently too young to lay. However, Meena did NOT appreciate newcomers to the coop, shouting her disgust to everyone within earshot......... continuously......... this was upsetting the 3 newbies, upsetting both human heads of the household, and in serious danger of upsetting the neighbours. Meena can also be a bit of a bully, and the smallest bird, at just 14 weeks, is still really quite small and likely to be quite vulnerable. So Meena and Myna were removed to a box in the back room for the first night, being returned to the outside run an hour after the others were up in the morning. Myna got on with having her breakfast, but Meena was still not having it. Continuous shouting saw her returned to the indoor box for the morning.

Rapid arrangement of alternative accommodation for the 2 mature birds was necessary, to give the newbies chance to settle in and grow a bit bigger before the Big 2 get back to the regular henhouse again. The shed was therefore emptied to find the spare pen and erect this next to the house, with a new carpet of bark chippings, feed, water and a night/laying shelter for Meena and Myna. The established henhouse and run was also cleaned out and refurbished with fresh bark, feed and water for the newbies.

A couple of hours remaining before Evensong allowed re-potting of the geraniums for over-wintering indoors. There had been ice on the car windscreen that morning, so this seemed like a good move. We will do the same for our lovely bay tree once we have some fresh compost - having barely survived the low temperatures of last winter it probably has no chance at all of getting through another winter outside..... tho survival indoors is probably also unlikely .......

Master Catlet thought the whole proceedings were for his entertainment, creeping around and checking out the newcomers – these were ‘perching’, so were evidently ‘birds’ and required serious scrutiny, as opposed to the ground-loving older hens who are noted for standing their ground when Bart gets closer than they consider respectable.

Bramble wanted to join in too and ensure a riotous melee....... She was most disgruntled to find herself removed to the kitchen until all activities had been completed.

What hilarity !

We have yet to settle into a harmonious routine. Further re-arrangement of hen-housing will be necessary for the winter, as the back of the garden is further away and quite chilly when the temperature drops. Names are being discussed. And we have the luxury of another week of holiday to be scheduled before the end of the year - hoping for a few days near Kirkcudbright to give Bart his first holiday and allow Bramble to run on the beach every day.

I shall try to be back soon. All best wishes, x

And then it all went wrong.......

2010-09-08T14:46:00.000+01:00

Since I last wrote, we have been having further problems with Hannimal Hector – serious biting (without any warning), and a major tail-bushing fracas between Dog and Cat (fortunately Cat is young, VERY fast and relatively sensible, so remains uninjured....not so ChickPea........).

We were loathe to give up on the dog without first trying to properly – and appropriately - address the behaviour. So a fully validated behaviourist, provided by the Dog’s Trust, visited us last Friday, spending a significant amount of time with us, giving us most valuable advice and a very clear programme of exercises to follow. She was kind, and very sensible. “Be safe” was her Ultimate Directive.

All seemed to be going nicely over the weekend as TH worked with the programme. Dog seemed quite comfortable with the first exercises, gradually progressing from Day One to Day Two of the set regimen.

Come Monday, after he had been breakfasted and well (and quietly) walked by ChickPea, she felt the time was right for her to start on the earliest exercises with him too. Not so. Dog was NOT having it.

So Hector went back to the Dog’s Trust at the beginning of the week.

It was the only option. Each time he bit someone he was building his confidence, and under-mining ours. Not the way to a happy, safe or joyous future for the four of us (let alone bringing the hens into the equation). He had made some good progress with us along the way – he was beginning to walk more comfortably on the lead, he was a little less restless in the house, he was allowing TH to touch him a little - but we were not up to giving him what he needs just now to deal with the biting issues. We hope that returning him to the rescue centre with extensive reporting of the issues which arose will assist rehabilitation for his future.

But we are still sad that he had to go, and the home is desolate without a canine member of the household..........

Staying Awake on a (late) Summer’s Afternoon

2010-08-29T16:03:00.006+01:00

(With considerable difficulty, that is.....)

These past few weeks have been hectic. Hannimal Hector the new hound requires some serious behaviour modification, especially where golden Labradors are concerned. Also in terms of basic handling (difficult to manage a dog with a cut paw if he doesn’t like his feet being touched), basic walking on a lead, relaxation when there’s more than one person in his company, and grooming.

Who knows the ‘Why’ – perhaps inadequate basic handling when he was a puppy, perhaps an attack by a golden Labrador - but certainly all this needs to be remedied before we will have a dog we can even trust a little. Dog Behaviourists appear to abound on the internet – tho credibility and qualification seem rather less available. As the Dogs’ Trust have an in-house ‘behaviour advisor’, we have made arrangements and an appointment to gain guidance ASAP, well aware that we may inadvertently be presenting conflicting or inconsistent demands without realizing that we are so doing.

In the longer term we are planning to attend Dog-person Training Classes (aware that these occasional signs of aggression need to be a thing of the past by then) and hope that occasional forays towards Agility Classes may be good for body and mind (as these sessions appear to clash with choir rehearsals, he’ll have to make do with ‘occasional’ I’m afraid).

Get-along-ability with the Feline Fella is making (rather slow but) steady progress – lots of space-sharing (initiated by cat, including managing to spend the night in the dog’s kitchen when ChickPea was away), and respectful nose-to-nose sniffing (initiated by both dog and by cat).

Today a new sleeping place has come into the house. Bought for Dog, (as we will be going away on for a few nights’ holiday and a moveable ‘known’ bed seems like a good idea to help Dog cope with more new experiences) Cat was into it just moments after it was accessible, checked it out carefully and pronounced that it could stay. Surprisingly he then settled elsewhere, allowing Dog to take possession.

Peace has now settled upon us – TH asleep on the sofa, Big Cat asleep on the chair, and Hector Hound snuggled into his new bed. Disturbing the harmonious silence to initiate dog walk in the park can wait another five minutes........

Welcome.......

2010-07-26T23:42:00.001+01:00

The dog-shaped gap in the household has been unbearable. Thank you to the West Calder Dogs’ Trust for providing a new family member to enliven our lives.......

A New Star has Entered Heaven

2010-07-18T22:20:00.002+01:00

A much loved friend died recently, aged just 51. We maybe didn’t see him often – one of those people you hope to get to know better in the future. He was one of those rare people who brings sunshine and hope into a dark day, who finds an unexplored corner in your troubled situation which proves to hold a key to a way forward. A fine guitarist, adept mediator, coffee connoisseur, encourager of the downhearted........ a thoroughly fine chap. Words are inadequate to describe him. His passing leaves an unfillable gap in very many lives. May you rest in peace, Tim.

Reluctant Christian

2010-07-18T16:54:00.000+01:00

It occurs that maybe I mis-named this blog. Maybe I should re-name it the name of this post. ‘RC’, even. (Now, THAT might be fun – limitless potential for confusion - I’m sure I could find all sorts of interpretations of ‘RC’, eh .....)

So why didn’t I ? Come to that, why don’t I........... why won’t I ?

Part of it is the intervening history of this label ‘Christian’. Christ, the historical person, MUST have been quite a man. To have influenced individual people to such a degree that they gave their lives to take His teaching throughout the world and effect such an impact upon the globe, the Man Who Started It All MUST have been Quite A Man.

But also over the intervening hundreds – ok, thousands - of years , many, many crimes have been committed under the banner of ‘Christianity’. Do I REALLY want to be associated with such a history by embracing the label of ‘Christian’ ?

You see where I’m coming from ?

But what of ‘The Man’ – that astonishing figure that started it all – without the assistance of newspaper, TV or internet.

And what of the remarkable people – both males and females - who have been astonished, inspired and motivated to positively influence, astonish and inspire the world – all through their own personal understandings and encounters with ‘The Man’. Many of whom gave up their lives because they refused to deny this faith.

Maybe I do feel reluctant – and perhaps scared – to wear the label of ‘Christian’. If this means ‘being Christ-like’, seeing the world ‘with the eyes of Christ’, caring as passionately about the world as did ‘The Man’ himself, extending love to those who need love - then rather a lot seems to be required.

So – REJECT all this ‘church’ and ‘Christ’ stuff - why bother with the whole ‘Christianity’ thing at all ?

Well....... there’s the heart of the question. Try as I have through the years to turn away from this way of life, the integral demands involved, the personal questions and challenges raised........... Try as I may, turn and run.....wherever........however............. whatever.......... I keep meeting the essential truth and challenge of ‘The Man’.......Christ himself........... and repeatedly encounter that amazing love that will not let you go..........

‘Reluctant Christian’ ? ........ Too right. But, somehow, and equally, ‘Committed Christian’.

“I am a collie dog – and I can run, and run, and run all day...............”

2010-07-10T22:34:00.003+01:00

Our beloved MurphyMutt took his heritage very seriously. He was a Border Collie dog, and collies are loyal, and responsible, and collies are bred to run all day.

As a mature ‘rescued’ dog, he was a chap with a past – and we shall never know quite what that history held. That he ‘had issues’ is beyond question, but he was such an honest dog that for these there were probably good reasons buried deep in that past.

Over the last few weeks he had slowed down a bit – it seemed likely to be the heat, it was getting to me, and he was an old dog, after all........ but TH felt there was more..... and when I thought about it, I had to agree that he was probably right........

The vet agreed he was looking basically ok.......... but his temperature was way, way up..... this was not only unexpected, but indicated we had a very ill dog, even tho he didn’t look it..........

Over the next week his experienced but perplexed vet tried industrial doses of each and every medication that could reasonably be expected to bring his fever down.....his bloods were essentially ok, but his liver function was deteriorating....we gave him ice cubes in his drinking water, and he was thrilled to be allowed more ice cream than any dog should ever EVER eat....... but each day his temperature was a little higher.... to a level beyond that where he should have been fitting........... he just looked a little more apologetic...... and increasingly weary....... he was no longer managing to jump accurately into the car........ he stopped eating his most favourite treat of an apple....... and then, on Tuesday, dog food became too much effort to eat, and we knew there could be no more hope....... and his temperature was even higher - now 107.5...... and tho he was still clearly enjoying cat treats, and taking them oh, so very, very gently, we knew that time had run out ........... such a fine, brave dog should not be expected to have to stay with us any longer.

The time had come to allow him rest.

Our beloved collie dog, who had just spent 20 minutes padding round the local park, walking, and walking, and walking....... who would not stop....... doggedly placing one foot in front of the other, and holding in his head and in his heart “I am a collie dog, and I can run, and run, and run all day..............” .

......... and now, at last, he can run easily...... and free......... in Elysian fields.

This week as was........

2010-06-03T22:52:00.001+01:00

S’funny, but there’s a HUGE difference between living with 4 chooks and living with just 2 ...... not least the difference in the number of eggs reaching our kitchen ......... and our remaining 2, Meena and Myna, are the two noisiest hens EVER........ Out of care and consideration for our neighbours, they have been brought into the house each night this week, allowing the neighbourhood to sleep on past 4am..... and through 5am as well ......... we nearly overslept beyond 7am today – an unheard of possibility through these last few years !

Our (chicken-friendly) vet reassures us that there was no health link in losing Eena and Moe so soon to each other, that this was truly ‘just sad luck’. As relative ‘newbies’ to hen-keeping, this has been most welcome news for us, as ‘care shortfalls’ should always be recognised as a possibility unless you are an experienced keeper.

But, yes......... 2 chooks is just 2 individual chooks who each go their separate ways........... while 3 chooks is ‘a flock’ that moves in sequence and behaves as a whole new entity, seeming to help the participant chooks behave most naturally as themselves.

So we are now scouring the Scottish internet for prospective new housemates for Meena and Myna, hoping this time to be more successful in finding a white egg-layer and a green or blue egg-layer to help us identify more quickly which hen is off-lay. We’ll let you know how we get on.........

Time for a Randomized Controlled Double-Blind Trial......

2010-05-29T00:56:00.001+01:00

A friend was ‘talking scientific’ the other day, and describing their need to organize life somewhat and double check recent experience and insight by conducting a related double-blinded randomized controlled trial.

As you may know, if you have followed this blog, my former life – before I became a fulltime carer – was closely aligned with clinical practice based on insight from scientific trials. I realised there was something missing from my current life........

Anyhow..........

Tonight is Friday. Monday is a Public Holiday.

So...... Tonight I decided to run my OWN double-blinded randomized controlled trial.

Test substance : fine bottle of Vintage Port

Randomized : glass is being put anywhere within reasonable reach – aiming to be at least 90 degrees re-aligned each placement

Controlled: because I measure the liquid very VERY carefully into the glass .... none spilled ........ 150mls each pouring.....

Double-Blinded : Yup, I’m keeping ma eyes closed each time ah swallow..... ( I guess I COULD wear a blindfold, but it'd make pouring inaccurate........)

“How’s it going ?”

Very nicely, Thank You. Thanks for calling by – have a great weekend. x

Miss Madcap Moe ( R.I.P. 28/05/2010 )

2010-05-29T00:47:00.000+01:00

An’ THEN there wuz TWO........

2010-05-29T00:33:00.002+01:00

ChickPea came in from work tonight, went out to let the three chookies out for a run around....... two dashed out of the run, off to create havoc .... but no bonny Madcap Moe .........

When she wasn’t in the run this morning, I thought, “she must be broody” – she’s been in the nestbox a LOT recently – she was this morning – and, just as usual, MOST indignant when I peeked in on her – fluffed her feathers and made that wee “How dare you look at me when I’m busy doing this!” squeakycheep sound .......... but no – no Moe in the nestbox.......... so – where on earth had she gone ? ............ and there she was ......... in the run, underneath the raised henhouse, dead as a sad dead thing............... but she had laid us an egg this morning and had been running around, pecking and scratching with the best of them and happy as a Happy Thing just four hours ago..........

What a shock. So soon after our Eena.................

Bless her. We shall miss our wee Mottled Madcap Miss Moe...........

Eena (RIP 24.5.2010) with Meena in the foreground

2010-05-24T21:13:00.000+01:00

And then there were three..........

2010-05-24T20:56:00.002+01:00

Eena, one of our first two hens, and the most interactive of our flock of four, developed The Dwindles ........ She just wasn’t quite right. Eating – but not as enthusiastically as the others. Scratching around – but not with the degree of endeavour that is the hallmark of a healthy hen. Only three eggs from the four of them for several weeks – but with all four being brown egg layers, we were sure that either Myna or Moe – or both of them – the youngers of the four - were the erratic layers.

We searched the internet ........ no signs or symptoms of being eggbound......... nor fully consistent with impacted crop.......... no evidence of abdominal distension, so seemed unlikely to be peritonitis....... and more.....and more.... loads of horrible problems that just didn’t seem to quite fit the picture........... they have grit...... they get greens........ they get corn (not too much)....... they get out for exercise.........

We brought her into the house for a few nights and she perked up......... for a while. We discovered that there were still three eggs each day, so realised it was Eena that was not laying. But she was now eating a bit more and seemed keen to be back with the others......... and keeping out of reach in case she got banished to the house again.........

Last Friday evening, despite still running fast enough to almost evade capture, she was looking less good........ she had evidently lost a LOT of weight (not that she has ever been either large or heavy). Vet Time. But no appointment available until Monday, and no indication that she needed emergency attention..........

Today is Monday. TH took her in, and I guess we both knew she’d not be coming back. The vet was very good – he has a lot of experience behind him from owning chickens himself, as well as professional expertise. Chickens, apparently, do not really do either ‘a bit poorly’, nor recover with treatment. If they seem ‘a bit off colour’ they are deteriorating, and can take a long time to reach the end, not showing signs of pain and extremely unlikely to respond to medications. He couldn’t diagnose the cause at that point – just that she was not a well chicken, and was not likely to respond to any attempts at treatment. Autopsy revealed severe egg peritonitis (retention of yolks in the body cavity), confirming the terminal nature of the situation, so revealing that quick, effective, and thereby kind dispatch had been the only humane option.

As essentially newbie chook keepers we had both been concerned that we were maybe failing to provide adequate care, or missing some clear signs to which we should have responded. Knowledge usually comes through a learning experience. We now know what to do next time a chook starts The Dwindles. Hope that’ll be ages away. They may be ‘just chooks’, but they’re part of our family.

A Few Brief Brush Strokes......

2010-05-13T23:59:00.002+01:00

Greetings. Apologies for absence.

Last Friday we went out to a local venue to hear the “Brass Monkeys” in action – a while since we’d had the pleasure, and a great pleasure it was too. Brass instruments played with great aplomb, enthusiasm and expertise. A very good evening out. (Apart from not eating before we got there, and discovering that they don’t do food of an evening.........)

Saturday was “Chooks Re-location Day” – for the summer they move away from the shelter of the house and conservatory, down to the bottom of the garden (ie. a total travelling distance of about 20 feet !) – affording the hens more scope for sunbathing, a much more interesting outlook over the garden to view visiting cats/foxes/etc, better circulation of air currents, and much easier exit from the run when opportunities arise. The hens had a fine time, and Eena, who had been looking decidedly ‘out of sorts’ most of the week, and had a few nights in the house along the way, was back to digging about with the best of them. As for the peoples – well, we get chance to use the paved area next to the house again. Maybe the BBQ will get dusted off this year.........

Sunday started at 5am, with the chooks shouting their heads off......VERY loudly (had they forgotten they’d re-located on Saturday ?). Then was the usual programme of rehearsal, Sung Sunday Services, and a fine sermon from the Provost (was it a good holiday then ?). Tea and cake with friends in the afternoon. A little light refreshment at the end of the evening. (Why else would you sing ?)

After this weekend excitement, 9 month old Master Bart Catlet got hisself stuck up a tree on Monday night..........all we knew was that he took hisself out in the early evening, full of the joys and Master of the Universe. He then didn’t come home before darkness crept in, and no sight nor sound was evident as we examined every area within reach. Well, you can guess how the night went on....... late to bed in case he showed up...... TH was out looking for him at 3am......... Chickpea was checking around at 5am......... then out at 6am to check for RoadKill before the clearer-uppers would have been out.......... No Sign. Mr Mutt got longer walks both evening and morning than usual, covering the likely area of disappearance. Time to head out to work....... Then, a wee small cry. Both consistent in response to encouragement, and verified by TH. ......... Finally traced to Up A Tree. Not a particularly LARGE tree. But in Someone Else’s Garden, and high enough to be out of reach. But – Pathetic. Yup. “Heeeeeeellllllppppp ! I can’t get down ! Saaaaaaaaaaaaaave me !” (Honest – you could hear him – thinking out loud, he was !)

Eventually separated from high perch, returned to terra firma, food, and sleeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp............

The other end of the day brought us a house guest. TH had become aware of a fine long-furred grey tabby stray from a local housing scheme, thin, bedraggled, matted coat, bad breath, unkempt and uncared for............ One vet visit and several pounds’ transaction later, with an anaesthetic booking arranged for ‘grooming’ and teeth review, flea and worm treatments......... and the menagerie had increased ....... temporarily ? Time would tell. TH having a certain tendency to cat allergy would be a factor........

Cat smiled......... and scoffed anything that came his way......... and purred...... and purred.........

Meantime, Bart scowled, cursed and swore. Mr Mutt retreated to his bed and hoped none would bother him....... TH succumbed to the viral infection which had probably been out enjoying the Brass Monkeys’ gig at The Ferry last Friday.......

And so to today - Ascension Day. Next step along the way thru the Liturgical Year. TH somehow managed to shake off his virus enough to sing, (Miracles certainly DO still happen), but has set off away to The Land of Nod. Now nearing Midnight, Guest Cat has washed his feet for the night and is hoping to be allowed to stay, please........ Bolshy Bart is at the lounge door feeling unloved and abandoned (and probably hoping for some more supper)......... Mr Mutt has his head down, hoping someone will put the light out......... Domestic bliss. ChickPea has bored you silly – Thank You for calling by. Have a Great Friday and a Fab Weekend !

Bright and Shiny New Bishop of Glasgow and Galloway (photo by Gordon Smith)

2010-04-26T21:53:00.001+01:00

High Jinks, Holy Days, Consecration, Celebration and Community

2010-04-24T23:33:00.002+01:00

This past week (and more) has been a time of great preparation for Saint George’s Day (yesterday - Friday) and for tomorrow (Sunday). If you are a Church singer-person, a church-flower-arranger-person, a church-server/steward/organist/cleaner/administrator-person, or any other variety of person-in-the-pew-type-person, you may well have insight and understanding of this phenomenon of preparation for a Notable Church Event. The best ones see church folk exploring concepts of community – AND still speaking to each other - as they wield mops, dusters, polish and glass cleaner to ensure clean and sparkling surroundings, whilst administrator-persons type Drafts 1 – 10 of the Order of Service, negotiate the many minefields of ticket allocation, and arrange marquees, seating and coat hangers, and senior clergy meantime dream nightmares of Everything Being Other Than Ideal, and pass sleepless nights planning processions.

Yesterday the Scottish Episcopal Church was adding a new member to our College of Bishops, drawing clergy and others from not only our local diocese of Glasgow and Galloway, but from all over Scotland and – despite the best efforts of a certain volcano in Iceland – a few visitors managed to arrive from across the seas as well to join the gathering.

A Local was wielding his camera, and has produced a most creditable collection of photographs of the proceedings, which you can find here.

The High Jinks continued today as ChickPea weeded and re-arranged pots, and TH heroically wrestled with the lawnmower to achieve the first cut of the season (anyone able to recommend a small but reliable lawn mower ? – our current machine needs to be pensioned off to the Local Dump........).

Tomorrow evening we look forward to welcoming singers from around the diocese to a collective Choral Evensong for further Celebration to welcome Gregor as Bishop.

Do join us at 6.30pm for the service – you, too, will be most welcome.

Going.......... going............ GONE

2010-04-24T19:47:00.000+01:00

Got up.  Got dressed. Walking around the house – all well. Chooks n chores – all well.  Nothing much amiss.  

No giveaways.

Halfway into the quarter of a mile walk to work  (ie. Absolutely NOWHERE for retreat or modification of arrangements).......  slight technical hitch....... oooops............. VPL heading steadily southwards.......... re-arrange jacket in hopes of a modicum of disguise.........

BUT - even wearing trousers, VPL has somehow reached midthigh.......... (and still all day to get through........... would ‘going commando’ really be worse ? ......... dunno - there’s years and years and YEARS of conditioning to get through before I could address, let alone explore that one........)

QUESTION: How come lingerie just ..... kinda gives up........ lets go...........no warning whatsoever.............

I guess it’s an age thing........... (another one)

Going.......... going............ GONE !

2010-04-20T22:12:00.001+01:00

Got up.  Got dressed. Walking around the house – all well. Chooks n chores – all well.  Nothing much amiss.  

No giveaways.

Halfway into the quarter of a mile walk to work  (ie. Absolutely NOWHERE for retreat or modification of arrangements).......  slight technical hitch....... oooops............. VPL heading steadily southwards.......... re-arrange jacket in hopes of a modicum of disguise.........

BUT - even wearing trousers, VPL has somehow reached midthigh.......... (and still all day to get through........... would ‘going commando’ really be worse ? ......... dunno - there’s years and years and YEARS of conditioning to get through before I could address, let alone explore that one........)

QUESTION: How come lingerie just ..... kinda gives up........ lets go...........no warning whatsoever.............

I guess it’s an age thing........... (another one)

5am

2010-04-19T08:57:00.003+01:00

ChickPea has inadvertently joined the ranks of the under-sleeping these past many weeks. With frequent spells of similar over the previous months into years. If you too are caught in this scenario of AWAKE at some early hour, with Sleep happening to Others who you have no wish to awaken, then you have all my sympathy, empathy and commiserations.

Leaving your bed runs both the likelihood of becoming SO awake yourself that there’s no chance at all of getting back to sleep, as well as the risk of Awakening Others. However, if you have a bedfellow, staying in bed may similarly run that risk of Awakening Another as you re-arrange pillows/sleeping position/duvet/check the clock/etc...........

Gaining Insight into this scenario is a compensation, I guess, enabling greater understanding of the burdens of others.

The Feline Thing That Goes Bump In The Night has cottoned on to this timetable and appears about 5.30am for a little company (probably hoping that TODAY may perhaps Be The Day For An Extra Breakfast)...

Concentration for prayer is somewhat absent.

Recalling others in the blogging fraternity who share in this experience may perhaps reach out some support.

I suppose ironing in another part of the house is always an option........

And, of course, by the time the alarm finally sounds, sleep is tantalizingly close, so actually getting up for the day is no easier than if you have only just awoken.

But, however you look at it, this is not – currently - an ideal start to a day, nor conducive to cheerful outgoing self-projection, nor to positive working relationships........

Anyway....... have a good day. x

And now Sunday 18th............eveningtime......

2010-04-18T22:30:00.002+01:00

Fascinating programme on TV just now about historical maps – some, despite exceeding age, being astonishingly accurate when compared with today’s editions. Wow !

Tired. Very tired. Lots of singing this weekend, away from the home patch all day yesterday, then on usual duties on home territory today; not enough sunshine, and seriously depleted sleep Friday night/Saturday morning - a police helicopter hovering overhead from somewhere around 3am until about 4.20am (because of a local Incident) dragging us to some semblance of consciousness from the Land of Nod for the duration, and for some (much too much) time after.

Managed a couple of hours’ work in the garden this afternoon, energy levels seriously lacking. Grass now growing rapidly, so will have to engage with the lawn mower sooner than had been expected. With the new Bishop’s Consecration now sprinting into view for Friday, I guess the grass will achieve somewhat of a head start on me again this year, unless the chooks manage to trash the lawn as thoroughly as they did last year.......... Two out of the four of them managed to get away through to the next door neighbour’s garden this afternoon – luckily they remembered how scrummy tinned sweetcorn tastes, so were lured back home without undue incident.

Now you know how exciting my life is, you’ll understand why blogging has been a little sparse recently.

Thank you for visiting – Live Long And Prosper (as Mr Spock would say). x

Sunday 11th

2010-04-11T22:14:00.000+01:00

Cor..................SUNSHINE.........BLUE SKY.............not a cloud in sight............and so warm we needed the fan on in the conservatory – a friend told me that it was warmer here in Glasgow today than in Athens................. cor................

Maybe the SADs will depart for a while.............. (That’d be good).

Hope today has been a good one for you, and that tomorrow will be better. Loadsaluv, x

This week....

2010-04-09T00:10:00.003+01:00

Some weeks are good/great/grand/positive. But sadly, not all. Such is the way of it, and it seems to me, such is The Real World Much Of The Time.

And such we need to learn to live in, and - somehow - flourish within, and in which find ways to support, tend and nurture each other for the common good. If there IS any ‘Meaning Of Life’, then I think this is it. Someone Else, a few years back, phrased it as “Love the Lord Thy God, Love your neighbour, and Love yourself.” (hmmmn........ look where it got him.......).

But if the ‘Christian’ thing has any relevance, substance or purpose, then this must surely be inextricably fused into the centre and distilled essence of my life. Acceptance of Harsh Reality. Love, Care and Concern for all around. Some people may understand this in a very localised way to the people they encounter, others may embrace a more ‘wide world’ concept inclusive of All Things – four footed, feathered, ‘creeping upon the earth’ or growing within it.

Such details of a person’s faith need to be distilled, decided and determined by the individual concerned.

So, in dealing with the daily trials, tribulations and running sores of life, where is a feasible starting point ?

“What Did Jesus Do ?” is sometimes a difficult answer to discern from what we have written upon the printed page. Hence the various interpretations held in thrall by different traditions, which any one person needs to investigate and maybe challenge in seeking their own answers.

“What Would Jesus Do (Here And Now, With Present Understanding And Resources) ?” is an even trickier question.

“Pray” is probably a most valid answer to both questions, and is probably the most unexplored and most unused solution to Everyday Trials And Tribulations in most lives. It may seem facile, trite even, but yet it still seems to be the answer facing ChickPea, and any subsequent result still seems to be ever one step beyond reach.

I wonder – did the disciples manage to pray and hold fast to faith through those initial days after what we now celebrate as ‘Easter’ ? Each of them must have felt so bereft, so very empty.

What we do know is that they met together for mutual support. Truly, ‘Love, Care and Concern’ in action.

Aye, I guess it does it for me.

Easter Monday

2010-04-05T22:34:00.001+01:00

Dull, wet and cold. Internal atmosphere in sync. The morning after the night before.

This has been an excellent Easter at the Cathedral.

All the pomp, ceremony and fine music making from which the Episcopalian tradition takes such inspiration and delight; all the angst, confusion, bustle and conflict that today’s interpretation of Liturgy seeks to encompass in order to encourage the gathered community to engage in the deeper aspects of the proceedings; and all the preparation, effort and application that are required to make all this happen.

Of course, each of us can pick at the whole to find faults and shortcomings – we’re all exceedingly accomplished critics, enjoy engaging our heads in dissection of each service that we have attended, as well as a few that we didn’t, and staunchly both exercise and defend this right of critique...... ‘This was too long’. ‘That was too disorganized’. Something else ‘lacked solemnity’.....'had too much waiting around' or was 'too simplistic'.....

All are excellent defences guaranteed to distract our attention from perceiving the essential truths and personal inspirations which are ALSO available.

The hens are out, seeking Tasties. Nothing escapes attention. Everything can be turned over, pecked at, dug into, or otherwise investigated in depth. Try it and see if it’s good. (Who knows what you might find ?)

All it takes is a little positive attention and focus.

New Fire of Easter 2010 (photo: Gordon Smith)

2010-04-05T14:52:00.002+01:00

Easter Greetings.......

2010-04-05T13:49:00.000+01:00

Sorting Socks..........

2010-04-03T19:04:00.000+01:00

One of the delights of a life NOT working as a clinician in a busy city hospital, is waking up on a Good Friday morning, and knowing that you do not have to go in to work. That you can have a bit of a lie in listening to the radio, a relaxed breakfast, a few hours of ‘morning’, and then the option of attending the 3 hours’ service. After working with the NHS for 28 years non-stop, this awareness still arrives with surprise, and a certain degree of pleasure.

This year, an unexpected phonecall both gave great pleasure and resulted in an earlier breakfast than anticipated. Thereafter, the Gathering Of Household Chores were clamouring for attention.

So it was that the Sorting Of Socks became paramount.

CLEAN socks can be disciplined in a drawer, resting - but ready for immediate action. After wearing, amassing socks awaiting communal cleansing can be hidden away – discreetly - in a laundry basket. Clean but damp socks will be found festooning the best drying areas available, until adequate dehydration has been accomplished.

The next bit is where the process dawdles. Serried ranks, sock upon sock, shoulder to shoulder, of multitudinous vintage, sex. patternation and colour need to be re-united with a twin........which MUST be there..........SOMEWHERE........

However you tackle it, there is a need to Sort Socks. Maybe you sort them as you hang them to dry. Or pair them up as you take them down. Or take them down in a heap and sit in the sunshine Sorting Socks.

In the early days of the ChickPea/TH household, TH found Christmas to be A Time Of Socks. Seasonal Santa Socks, and the like joining and re-invigorating the party on a regular basis. (Such Socks may not be ‘cool’ in the office, but they brighten up a dull morning when you’re hanging up socks to dry, and make ‘pairing up’ a doddle). After several years of easy Christmas shopping for ChickPea, TH put the foot down and Such Socks Seest – sorry, ceased.

Hence, drowning in the mire of Sorting Socks, ChickPea overlooked both the little hand AND the big hand reaching 12 on Good Friday, so crept in late to the 3 hour service. Woops.........

(We’ll need to track down some of these racy numbers with patterned heels and toes that were out and about at the Foot Washing on Maundy Thursday).

Post on Prayer..........

2010-03-29T00:22:00.001+01:00

Episcopalians are often not the most forward in talking about their faith and religious practise – and I confess that I, too, find this quite difficult. But I was talking about prayer in a (relatively) recent post, and I guess there is a certain requirement to follow this with an update........

The series of sessions on prayer reached completion today, and has earned commendation. Carefully prepared and competently presented, it has been a most useful prompt and encouragement, helping to draw the practice of prayer into focus.

As to my personal regular Moments of Quiet that had started so well, and seemed to be taking me forwards into a more positive scenario........... these slipped out of my personal calendar and consciousness with my week away, then lay dormant during the next ten days of infection, and hadn’t yet re-established as A Happening....

In the second to last week the prayer course was engaging our imaginations to ‘join in’ a scene from the Life of Christ – specifically, with the story of Christ preaching to crowds on the shore of Lake Gennesaret, getting into a boat with fishermen who had been fishing all night and catching nuthin’..........
So where was I in this scene ? Creeping quietly into a vacant corner of the boat, mostly out of the way but able to help out a bit if an extra pair of hands was required........... As ‘A Member Of The Team’ ? Well, probably not, because I was loathe to intrude, the central characters being a bit grumpy after their long, cold, hardworking but unsuccessful night......
Well, I guess you know the story........ the boat puts out from shore, Christ tells the guys to cast their nets once more – and THIS time there are more fish caught than the nets can hold, a second boat comes over to help out, BOTH boats seem likely to sink because of the number of fish, but they get back to shore and the fishermen abandon everything - fish, nets, boats – to follow this amazing Jesus Man and ‘become fishers of men’....

I’m not very good at engaging with this sort of prayer. I don’t usually find much of an end result. ‘Interesting’, maybe, perhaps intellectually intriguing (I mean, what DID the situation smell like...... what were the guys talking about ? ....... were they listening to the teacher ? - and just WHAT did they think when Jesus got into their boat in the first place – weren’t they hoping to head off home to bed and get a bit of a kip ? .....and so on) ......... but er, not, actually, personally positive as an exercise.........

Next, the group had a cup of coffee, mulled over the exercise a little, then set off as separate individuals to find separate space in the church and re-visit the scene (or try a new one).

So, here's an empty pew. get comfy. Enter into the head again, fire up the imagination.......... and where am I ?................. overlooking the lake, the boats are there, but everybody else has gone.......... the place is quiet, not a lot happening........ the waves come and go (as waves often do, gently, repetitively.......). Relaxing...... but a bit lonely. Kind of EMPTINESS. Where had everyone GONE ?

So how was this about me, my faith, my ‘religious life’ ? My ‘Relationship With Christ’ even. (I guess you’ll be aware that is what this whole Christian thing is about – ‘Personal Encounter With Christ’ – recognizing the impact this has on your life, and aiming to use this as a positive influence in the way you live your life with everyone you encounter).

Now I SAID I’m no expert about this stuff.......

Anyway – there in my imagination, wondering where Jesus was, I became aware of this remarkably ordinary guy - Jesus - coming to sit beside me and share this vantage point overlooking the scene........ no words, nothing being said, but a most overwhelmingly companionable presence, sitting down next to me, allowing me to lean a little and feel support............ Kinda weird, but comforting.

So - was this just ME, consciously inventing the scene and manufacturing ‘cosy thoughts’ ?

I dunno. Does the ‘how’ matter ? There is a wealth of books out there about this sort of prayer, and so far I’ve read none of them. Will I ? – Dunno.

Have you any suggestions you could share with me?

Hen-y Thoughts

2010-03-22T22:26:00.001Z

The chooks are getting much happier as Spring enters the year, and we are now daily finding three eggs from between the four of them. Warmer ambient temperatures are doubtless a factor, along with longer daylight hours, and increasing amounts of sunshine – plus getting out to roam around (and trash) the garden. Last Friday they got the double whammy of OUT plus SUNSHINE – considered by Eena and Meena as ideal ingredients for a spot of dust bathing. Myna and Moe, meantime, were more interested in scratching about to find any unexpected edible goodies (we’ll not go any further in pursuit of the details). Mr Mutt was sleeping in a sunny spot near the hedge (a good place to dissuade local foxes from visiting), and Master Moglett was bouncing about, climbing trees, chasing shadows and eating the crocuses.

The whole scene was so relaxing, household chores got put on ‘hold’ and ChickPea sat on the dustbin for half an hour.

See the focussed effort invested in dust bathing ? Phenomenal ! And much as you may doubt the ability of a feathered face with a beak to reveal any expression whatsoever, those two hens were in seventh heaven in a state of sheer bliss.

The mind freeflows in sunshine.

First thing in the morning, the hens tend to shout a fair bit – until we appear and reassure them that they are not forgotten, not being ignored, not being taken for granted, and not going to miss breakfast ! In fact, their positive response to any attention, however fleeting, is quite remarkable.

Quite a lesson for relationships, really.

Wiz Needin’ Time Oot..............

2010-03-16T20:49:00.001Z

Life has been fairly non-stop over the last few months. Energy levels have been up and down like a yo-yo........ great that the ‘ups’ are kind of happening again, but the recurrent low energy factor means that household requirements have been mostly on ‘hold’............... All in all, much like a ‘post-viral’ picture............ noting there have been plenty of recent viruses to choose from ! TH appears to have been getting the evening low energy experience too, and also has a recent history of recurrent infections.

Wiz more than Time Fer A Break. Aye, you could say that. We were both needing time to sleep, read, sleep, eat, sleep, take Mr Mutt for his constitutional, sleep, eat, sleep.............

Last 3 occasions we’ve had the time booked to do just that, the Health Horrors have struck, plus or minus Winter Weathers, and all hopes of ‘holiday’ have run aground. So, booking time away from work at the beginning of March seemed like a safe bet for being past the main risks of these...........

Ha ! The road North of our holiday destination was BLOCKED by snow just two days before we were due to leave ........ and then TH developed the sore throat, snuffles and green grot indicating another infection.........

NONETHELESS, we decided we were ‘All Systems Go’........... an’ off we went to sunny Perthshire.

I jest not.

Wall to wall blue sky and the most glorious SUNSHINE from awakening to sundown, Monday to Thursday (inclusive) – and who’s worried about a bit of ‘dull’ on Friday when you’re heading home anyway !

The snow was still lying, deep (about 3 foot of it), crisp (low overnight temperatures keeping it frozen enough that the sheep were toddling about on the top of it safely, with little risk of finding how deep it was), and pretty even really.

We were staying the first few days in a fine cottage near Pitlochry, and were most grateful to find that the steps and path up to the cottage had all been beautifully cleared of snow. The three feet of frozen snow and ice between the car (parked as close /as far up the drive as we could get) and the bottom step seemed of little consequence – tho’ was quite enough to fell ChickPea, luckily without injury. That’s now been three unexpectedly close encounters with terra firma over the last two years – more than enough to emphasize the ‘ageing’ factor, and bring to mind the transitory nature of Life’s brief candle.

There was then some serious pampering of the taste buds on the banks of Loch Tay with the same excellent accommodation, high class service and friendly welcome that had so impressed us on our first visit last year.

This is now the second week back to work after the holiday, TH having been off sick from Wednesday lunchtime with the bug that finally took hold once we got home (thankfully didn’t ruin his holiday). So now it’s my turn. As the choir has a date with the BBC for recording on Friday evening, I hope it moves on rapidly..........

A Thought for Today

2010-02-06T11:22:00.001Z

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
- Anonymous

BirdWatch Weekend

2010-01-31T22:58:00.003Z

This is the last weekend of January, and the RSPB has again requested an hour spent counting birds. So here I was, between morning service and evensong, relaxing in our lovely conservatory, yawning in the sunshine I confess, and counting all sizes of feathered visitors. And keeping young Monster Mr Mog under lock and key, of course. His birdwatching is certainly enthusiastic, but seems likely to have a rather different ‘end agenda’ to that requested by the RSPB............

We had fully stocked up the feeders and bird table in the glorious sunshine this morning, knowing it’d be this afternoon before I could sit down for the count. And then, at last, the time had arrived.......

What a rare treat these days.

When DJ was with us he loved sitting out in the conservatory, a great addition to the house that greatly increased our quality of life by enhancing our regular awareness and contact with the Outside World. When DJ first moved in he would spend most of his day, every day, sitting out here and enjoying the visits of so many different bird species. When he needed constant care it became a great treat for me to be able to sit down and share this haven with him. But as his dementia steadily got worse, DJ sadly lost touch with such gentle peace and pleasure from the creatures around him.

Yes. Today it was good to spend time in the conservatory.

TH and I have been very aware that the numbers of our garden’s feathered visitors have been declining over the last few years – but what a shock to realize that we have had fewer than twenty birds visiting over this last hour, with a group of just five birds (chaffinches, as it happened) being the largest group at any one time – as opposed to several years’ previously when counting eight or more birds at a time before they flew off was a real challenge.......

So what DID we find this year ? Sadly – no collared doves, no starlings, no blackbirds, no house sparrows...... and, sadly, very few others. Just two robins, one magpie, one great tit, one coal tit..... I nearly stopped counting early, too – but it was worth waiting for those very last two minutes of the hour – those final moments fleetingly brought a second bluetit AND a second long-tailed tit into view and into my final figures – both of these were in groups of several birds together last year.

All thanks to the RSPB for their work and attention to these lovely creatures..........

Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

2010-01-26T20:51:00.002Z

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........

being with.....

2010-01-24T15:53:00.001Z

Like many – maybe most – folk, ChickPea finds it difficult to give or share when she’s struggling with the landscape. Doesn’t like landing stuff on other people. Feels it’s her own muddle to unravel, her own mess to sort out, and her own clutter to sift through.

Recently there has been a lot of ice to traverse, some slippery, some thin........ Now there’s mud, clogging forwards progress, and fog, distorting view and perspective...... what she needs is some sunshine.........

Recent terrain can make her quite difficult company. Sometimes there’s just not quite enough energy to go around and invest in everything she wants to.....

That she has kind, considerate and caring friends is a most wonderful blessing.

The Callin' Birds are in good voice........

2010-01-08T18:54:00.002Z

Despite the Twelve Days of Christmas now being over, with no evidence in these parts of Partridges in Pear Trees, Leaping Lords, and neither Swimmin’ nor skatin’ Swans............... but the Callin’ Birds are a different matter – a very different matter altogether.

Listen in to our Eena, Meena, Mina and Moe this mornin’ – wot a bloomin’ racket...............

(Meena - fairly quietly) “Awwk........mornin’.......anyone else awake yet ?........I SAID – ANYONE ELSE AWAKE YET ? – oh – you are, eh Meena ? Well, why didn’t you say? What about the others – are they still asleep ? Well, I don’t know. They say young things sleep more than their elders – BUT ! ..........this is RIDICULOUS! – oh – you guys awake too, eh ?.............

(Eena ) ........................do you think there’s anyone out there ? ............. do you think they know we’re here?

(Meena – a bit louder) “Hello.............helloooooooooo!”..............

(Eena – rather insistently) “Hey you guys – we’re awake – let us out”..........
(aside) “Do you think they’re awake yet ?”

(Myna – LOUDLY) ”HEEEELP!”.... “Save us!”........”Let us OUT!”......”We’re STAAAAAARVING TO DEATH in here!”.......HEEEEEEEELP...........we’re LOCKED IN ! .......... “NOBODY loves us!”...........NOBODY feeds us!........... IS THERE ANYBODY THEEEEEEEEEEEEERE?................

(Meena – aside) “They’ve forgotten all about us!”.............maybe they’re dead............ do you think they’re dead?

(Moe – in anguish) ”HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!”.........

If you know hens, especially spoiled hens that get shut up late at night to keep them warm, you’ll maybe be familiar with this tirade that drags you out of bed hoping desperately that the neighbours are still asleep and out of earshot................

But, to be fair, it HAS been a bit chilly these past few nights. It was -10 degrees C when TH left for work this morning at about 8am. And when we got home tonight we found the chooks’ initially warm porridge had frozen solid before they got to eat it (and they do so love their porridge! Usually gone in seconds)

We got home from work at about 5pm tonight. The temperature was already down to -5 degrees C.

This morning we had to find a new water bucket for the hens – their usual plastic bucket had frozen solid and the bottom had fallen out of it, so we’ve brought the galvanized replacement bucket indoors tonight. TH has heard that this will be the coldest night yet.

The chooks were well away to their bed when we got home – they now have their door shut already to keep some cold out – and tonight they have a well wrapped hot water bottle in with them for a bit of cosiness...........I can see them being into the conservatory (with underfloor heating) before the weekend is over !

Let me share this fabulous find........

2010-01-07T22:59:00.003Z

I am indebted to TH for finding this (on Flickr)- I hope you enjoy it too !

I wish I was a glow worm
A glow worm’s never glum
‘Cos how can you be grumpy
When the sun shines out your bum ?

With thanks and every acknowledgement to Frigate RN

2010....... Wot a larf........

2010-01-02T22:45:00.005Z

Welcome to another New Year – and merriment abounds. It must be related to the season – these Twelve Days of Christmas an’ a’ that, Partridges in Pear Trees and Leaping Lords, Swimmin’ Swans an’ Callin’ Birds – especially the Callin’ Birds........... I’d not be surprised if YOU heard our Eena, Meena, Mina and Moe this mornin’ – wot a bloomin’ racket

One of the blogs I really enjoy paying a visit to is The Cottage Smallholder. If you enjoy anything related to cooking, kitchens, gardens, dogs, hens – well, Life The World And Everything, really - then you might like to meet Fiona and Danny too. They are currently hosting a competition which will end on the Twelfth Day of Christmas, seeking latecomers to The Chefs’ and Gardeners’ Ball – do pay them a visit and see who you can introduce !

Meantime, despite The Lurgies of 2009 which moved in and took up residence here with TH and ChickPea through the last few weeks (or was it months ? – certainly felt like it), causing change to our plans to be away for the New Year Festivities, and even now still sapping our energy levels and abolishing any concepts of stamina – despite all, here’s us, sailing hopefully forwards into the dawn of 2010........

Now, approximately 20 years since first meeting......... 14 years post-wedding............. yet, ASTONISHINGLY, somehow still together, despite the everyday Turmoils, Trials And Tribulations Of Life which have crept in, evolved or erupted along our way through sunshine, dark corridors, good times, dashed hopes, joys, disappointments, happy times, sadnesses and fleeting moments of fulfilment.........

And STILL not a clue about what it’s all about........... Marriage, Life, Blog or ANYTHING...... really.............

Except................

Except that it is always good to meet people, in Real Life or Virtual Reality – or WHEREVER, really...... Good to meet and share a little........... moments, thoughts........... a bit of kindness..............a hand along the way............

Here’s hoping 2010 will hold good times for all of us, and kind company when we need it.

With all very best wishes..........

2009-12-26T11:16:00.001Z

Season’s Greetings

2009-12-21T22:23:00.001Z

Kerumbs.......

Has it really been so long since I blethered on The Blog..... must be. Apologies – I’d not intended to neglect you. I guess the energy has been directed into new job, developing some sort of working relationship with approx 80 working colleagues plus surviving several consecutive infecting Lurgies.......

Anyway......

Here we are, nearing Christmas. Printing problems have made us revert to the ‘D-I-Y Christmas Card’ approach again this year, emailing most of our regular Christmas Contacts.......the postals will have to accept what we could get around the corner........when I eventually get them written and posted............

Yesterday was full of wow factor yesterday. The transformation of the cathedral from the sombre tones of Advent into the pzaz decor for the carol service is visually quite a remarkable feat. However, I’m not sure if I’d ever fully appreciated the integral humour within the transformation process........ but hey – see for yourself by visiting Kelvin’s blog ! (oh, and by the way, there’s a soundtrack too !)

Faith. Fully.

2009-11-03T00:38:00.003Z

I’m not sure I often wave the flag when I peek over the top of my parapet to gaze askance at the world around me.

I guess I tend to think that my faith is so integral to who I am that I don’t actually NEED to wave the flag about it very often. On the other hand, being a fully fledged cathedral chorister for rather more years than I care to add up, and wardrobe manager to boot, is perhaps a thinly disguised alternative flag that I wave very regularly indeed without noticing........

Tonight’s service at St M’s was a place apart. Faure’s Requiem was the music on offer for All Souls’ Day, and another ‘first’ for our treble choir who joined the regular adult choir for the occasion. And the trebles stepped up to the mark and conjured up a most spectacular ‘Pie Jesu’ for us all. Competently. Spectacularly. Our Director of Music deserved accolades from On High.

But, tho notable, that was far from all we shared this evening. The serving team had paid attention to all the necessary details that most of us are completely unaware of when a good job is accomplished, and the visual gloom that results from too few light bulbs remaining fully operative provided the sort of atmospheric lighting that we generally yearn for at this time of year but rarely quite achieve......

Most seats were occupied in the cathedral, and methinks the shadows were far from empty......

Once again our Chief Pastor demonstrated his liturgical ability by planning and facilitating the whole, and his priestly expertise by dealing quietly, most gently and sensitively with each and every demand of the evening.

This service was undoubtedly One Of Those Times when the step between Here and There was a remarkably small one.....

Intending to Pull The Leg......... but Treading On Toes....

2009-10-23T22:10:00.004+01:00

I was out for a little light refreshment after Evensong on Sunday. As One does. If’n you get half a chance.

Anyhow. There we were, chewin’ the fat, watching ‘Countryfile’ (on the inevitable TV screen, thankfully behind me), and generally bletherin’ (as you do in these parts of Northern Britain)........

............and then I became aware of them sittin’ opposite me becoming totally and utterly entranced - had I suddenly gained that tantalising ‘X’ factor for which I’d searched all my life ? .......cor.........how amazin’ ...... how my life will change ! ..................or ........er..............had the programme changed ? - was it maybe – just perhaps - the slinky young things in leather choreographically cavorting around the screen behind me........ ah well, you wins some an’ you loses some, eh.......... an’ – here’s thinking positively – wouldn’t THEY make Evensong a bit different, eh ?

Ah me..........

Anyway, the conversation turned to Young Furryface Bart Catlet, and his Encountering The Hens that very afternoon. “That must have been rather frightening for him” quoth the man in black opposite, “A hen must be an awfully big scary thing when you’re as small as Young Bart.” (Or words to that effect, anyhow).

And, of course, he was absolutely right – but as I thought he knew me fairly well, I confess I thought I’d wind him up a bit. Pull The Leg. Gently. Bit of a joke, an’ a’ tha’........

“Oh, no” sez I blithely – “he’s a BOY – Monster Hens are no problem to BOYS”...........

Now, from my starting point when watching the kitten, that statement was reasonably accurate – young Bart was TOTALLY entranced by these Bossy Birds who were fluffing themselves up to look twice as big as ever they could be, and whereas my ole girlie PoppyCat at the same age would have run a mile, Young Bart, tho certainly a wee trifle wary, was Absolutely All Eyes And Ears And Curiosity..............

OK. I was being a bit naughty......... playing such A High Stake Gender Card quite so ruthlessly after a long Sunday.

I thought he’d rise to the bait all the same. Implying gender issues are – or could ever be - so clear cut is actually so very completely contrary to my understanding and approach to life........... I was so sure such a ridiculously cocky stance would be challenged. Safe bet even. Banter would ensue. A little gentle swordplay.

But I had totally miscalculated .......... well, I probably hadn’t calculated at all, really.

End of conversation. I was sorry for that.

But over these days since, it HAS made me think. About things with which I thought I was not only fairly comfortable, but suitably sensitive. And considerate. I think I was wrong about that too.

For some of us these issues may seem fairly unimportant, magnified by Certain Others out of all proportion, and therefore ripe to bring into play for a bit of a laugh...... but for ‘those others’ these same issues are so very VERY real, and personal, so very relevant and integral to their whole being, that these selfsame issues carry a much MUCH greater importance than may be realised............. I know I have sometimes thought of gender orientation as being like having blue eyes rather than brown, or being tall rather than short (and either of those can be hard enough to come to terms with, trust me) ...... but it’s all rather more personal even than that, isn’t it.............

Old Dog........New Tricks ! (Mr Mutt Medley Pt II)

2009-10-18T14:42:00.004+01:00

Poor Mr Mutt really wasn’t sure what to make of this small streak of white and tabby which arrived in his life. He seemed very anxious that he might tread on it, bite it or eat it accidentally. So he retreated to his bed and hoped no one would hassle him too much. TH and ChickPea encouraged him to stay in circulation..... but really...... it was all just too much of a bother.........

And for starters, when Bart was too small to notice, peace and quiet was what Mr Mutt achieved....... until young Bart discovered where the kitchen was to be found........ and that Mr Mutt has a nice soft fleecy thing in the corner of his crate......... and a wonderful waggy tail............

Aye. I can tell you’re ahead of me.

If we lose Bart these days, he’s most likely to be found settled within inches of The Big Bad Dog...........who looks up, a little sheepishly, and ..... kind of smiles...........

Naming the Game

2009-10-18T14:42:00.003+01:00

Hello. Two days ago was sunny – one of the most fabulous and sunniest days that Glasgow has seen in a while. A fine day. A glorious day. A Good To Be Alive day. Even, maybe, a “Good To Be Me” day. My thoughts turned to blogging............... an’ I thought it wiz about time I admitted to still being here.

My energies of the last too many months have been somewhat channelled towards seeking employment – and over the last several weeks, devoted to assimilation of the new job requirements.

And are these demanding ? Thank you for asking. Demanding, yes – but not in the “saving lives in ITU” league – Thank Goodness. No one is likely to step prematurely into The Next Realm if I don’t do this job well enough. That Responsibility, Those Jobs are Now Done By Others. Thank Goodness.

I think I’m only just beginning to really recognize the cost involved in carrying such responsibility for so long. When I first took up the reins of the post I remember hoping that I’d recognize when the time arrived to move on.

I loved the people I cared for.......and yes, for me it was right to weep with those who wept and rejoice with those who rejoiced.........and, as a dedicated professional, I learnt to leave each bedside and go refreshed and new to the next, meeting each as an individual needing a unique and considered approach. I loved the staff I worked with........... well, most of them ........being human I met some I found difficult, and one in particular with whom I did not find a satisfying working relationship. This still imparts sadness.

I was totally committed to the requirements of the role. I hated the politics, and as I got older I began to struggle with the hours and energy which were consumed. I think I did recognize something of this – but I couldn’t see a way out.......... or a way forward.......... or sideways, or back, for that matter. It was going to be a difficult process, by whatever path..........

Thank you, BlogVisitor, for visiting, for being around, and sharing something of the rough and smooth of the path which has been involved. The blogging community have been so very supportive – especially over the long weeks and months of unemployment. I would never have expected such kindness and encouragement............. from generous folk from all over the world. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And now – where is ChickPea now ? Ah well, there’s a question............

Two day ago, several times, in fact, in my new administrative post, I was momentarily aware that I was in a good place - the ‘right’ place, and doing the ‘right’ thing............. And it felt Good To Be Alive.

The learning curve involved in the new job continues, and much of the time it still feels as if I am carrying a big pile of dinnerplates while running into the wind across a steep shingle beach with waves crashing and the tide coming in fast....... struggling to keep balance........ and not fall............struggling to keep going............. trying to make progress and gain distance – whilst the tide was getting ever closer..........

But maybe I can look at this differently.........the winds are blowing, yes, and with unpredictable gusts from most unexpected directions...........and tide and waves are close and closing............I guess there’s an element here of ‘storm’ and a disciple losing heart whilst Christ sleeps in the boat..........

A steep shingle beach is certainly not the easiest of surfaces to run across............... but maybe what’s actually happening is that I really am All At Sea - and learning to windsurf............. !

Aha – what would an analyst make of that, then, eh ? A very typical life experience, I guess, but somehow, when it’s the one you’re in yourself, it can be quite difficult stepping back far enough from the wood so that you can see the trees.......... and feel the sunshine on your face again.............

I’m sitting here with the Catlet resting on my left hip and reaching across the keys to both Help n Hinder.

He’s a Fine Fellow, this Bart. He doesn’t fill either of his predecessors’ shoes of course – my beloved white and tabby Judith was a most dedicated CompanionCat, and The PoppyCat too was One In A Million – like each and every one of us. Special, and unique, and totally irreplaceable. And every life has room for at least one more...........

Each day the young Bartholomew grows a bit more in size and stature, and finds new things – real or imaginary – to chase, or challenge, or ambush.........or to snuggle up to.............It may be tall, bipedal and bearing food............ or four legged, black and white, and with Big Teeth.............. BUT ...........Everything Is Fun..........Everything has the potential to Be Great..........and young Bart shows us, time and again, that if you approach it sideways......... and especially if you divert its attention and take charge of it almost Anything CAN be transformed............. ‘dull’ can become ‘shiny’.............. ‘boring’ can be realigned to be ‘exciting’.......... even just a leaf can be THE most EXCITING THING EVER.......... it just All Depends On HOW You Can Take It By Surprise.....

Perspective. Attitude. Imagination. Trust. Focus. Commitment. Enthusiasm. Love. Daring..............

Who would have thought that such a small Catlet-Kitten-Thing could show us so very much in so few weeks?

Maybe there’s more in young BartholoMew’s name than meets the eye, eh?

2009-08-27T00:01:00.003+01:00

Life's Rollercoaster........ 20.08.09 (I forgot my password....)

2009-08-27T00:01:00.002+01:00

Whee hee ! Yippieeeee ! I gotta job !

- I gotta new job in office administration ! – School cleaning finishes tomorrow, 2 weeks off (with a few days away to try and catch up with myself) – An Auspicious Day – and then start on 8th September ! – whee hee !

Yes – it IS pouring with rain here – The Glums are knocking on the door – the S.A.D. light is on next to me – and Mr Mutt has almost given up hope of getting out for his morning walk......
Wot the heck. This is Great News – an’ I’m going to enjoy every positive moment I can !

Whee hee !!!!!! Yippieeeeeeee !!!!!!

(Meantime – if YOU are currently in the Great Crowd Of Jobseekers, you have my unwavering support and very very best wishes – hang on in there – I’ve been Jobseeking for over a year, and I know just how very very difficult life is when that’s where it is at. Hang on in there. Take heart. Best Wishes).

Ms Mog – R.I.P.

2009-08-10T23:05:00.002+01:00

My beloved feline friend died this afternoon. She had lived with me and shared my life for longer than I lived with my own parents. Arriving in my flat as a tiny black kitten, just six weeks old, she could sit on my hand with all four feet and a tidily curled tail – and continued to try and do so for months after she outgrew my palm. She then became a rebellious teenager – and she withdrew bodily contact during daylight hours – objecting with tooth and claw if I transgressed her decision. But in the middle of the night, when her feet got cold, she would creep onto my bed and snuggle close. I had to wait until she was seven years old before she would again allow me to pick her up, or accept a cuddle.

She tolerated TH coming into our lives. He was allergic to cat fur in those days – not a promising start to our new relationship. He had never known any cats, admitted a certain dislike. Tolerance would be a positive achievement between them. But, astonishingly, over the intervening years he has developed tolerance to Ms Mog’s fur – though most other cats will still trigger an allergic reaction. And the initial ‘Tolerance’ became ‘Respect’, and then companionship.

Ms Mog loved moving to this house, with the garden. During the first week, we were breakfasting on the back lawn, and a streak of grey followed by black dashed past our feet – Ms Mog chasing the local squirrel as fast as she could, and faster than she believed possible – we both saw the look in her eyes that said “I hope I don’t catch up with it......”

Today is about three months short of her 20^th birthday – an astonishing lifetime, given that she had twice been rescued from The Brink – about eight years ago and again about four years later. She has been nearing this end point for more than long enough – but each time we asked her The Big Question, she smiled gently, and said “Ok, so I’m old, and a bit creaky, but I’m fine - where’s the food ?” She hated vets – with a pathological hatred which increased as she got older - and she made me promise four years ago that we would not push her on before she was ready to go – she was determined – so determined – to make that decision herself. I got home at lunchtime today, and she was clearly nearing The Time – we would have to Take Steps when TH got home with the car. But though now so drowsy, with her breathing getting irregular, she seemed very comfortable and settled on my lap – but getting colder - so we sat in her beloved conservatory in the sunshine. When this fantastic addition to our house was being built, Miss Mog would creep out every evening and inspect every detail of the day’s progress, and somehow made sure she marked her ownership of the enterprise by leaving her footprints for posterity in the concrete floor.

My wee feisty black feline always loved lying in the sun, and even though she was getting further from us, today was no exception. She relaxed in the sunshine, stretching gently...... and with a wee smile she gently slipped away before TH got home - she evaded The Vet just like she wanted.

Beloved pet. We have missed her so much as she has gradually withdrawn from our lives – she decided to be an Upstairs Cat about three years ago, demanding a waitress service for her meals, and waking us up for cuddles when she felt lonely in the wee sma’ hours. But frail though she had become, her voice was as insistent as ever when she decided it was her suppertime. She was still very much a part of the household, and her presence continually enriched our lives.

Now, at last, she rests in peace, and we must get used to the resultant emptiness.

The Mr Mutt Medley (Part I)

2009-06-19T13:26:00.002+01:00

As you may know, Mr Mutt is an ageing border collie who has lived with ChickPea and TH for nearly 3 years – as a ‘rescued Dog’ from Dumfries in September 2006. Since he moved in, we have experienced our ‘ups and downs’ as you might say. He has issues.

One – or some – of these involve his rather sharp teeth. ‘Crocodile’ is a label he earned from my brother – having been on the receiving end.

And the reason ? – Well, we’re not sure. ‘Badness’ does not seem to ring true to the character who has been slowly emerging. When the worst has happened, he has seemed as surprised as anyone, and has frequently been ‘completely out of character’ as you might say – almost like a knee jerk reaction has been triggered.

Does it relate to his past ? Has Something Bad happened to him in his previous life ? Given that, at one stage, he frequently awoke (spontaneously – no discernible potential trigger factor) snarling and snapping, it does seem likely that he had awoken from a bad dream. Are dreams always related to your own experience ? – I don’t know, but it does seem likely. This is gradually becoming a less regular occurrence – thankfully.

We shall never know what this fine fellow has been subjected to in his past life. But we shall make every effort to ensure his future can be as ok an experience for him as is possible.

Anyway. Since he arrived, TH has been concerned about a wart on Mr Mutt’s head and a soft lump on his left foreleg. Mr Mutt seemed oblivious to both of these, but as they have been slowly getting bigger, The Time Had Come to deal with them (Mr Mutt knocking the top off the wart so that it bled being a factor). Minor surgery would be required, teeth could be checked at the same time (we’ve not been inclined to investigate his mouth since The Crocodile emerged – tho he was fine about this when he first joined us). A ‘Routine Blood Test was required, and duly achieved and sent off for processing.......

ChickPea was an NHS Health Professional for many years, but Understanding Blood was never a strong point. Mr Mutt’s analysis revealed horrendously low platelets. Repeated test was much the same. ‘Overwhelming Infection’ did not look like the cause – so a bone marrow disorder became the likely answer. This was a couple of weeks ago. A few days later a hole appeared in his flank, draining serous-like fluid and maybe some pus – evidently an abscess was at least a part of the diagnosis. Astonishingly, rather than getting worse – as anticipated - this has healed steadily with his medications, and apart from a very ‘down’ day over the 24 hours before the abscess drained itself, Mr Mutt has been in fairly reasonable spirits. (So has The Vet. Which may relate to The Bill. You know how it goes).

Anyway. So far so good.

We are still on this rocky path of discovery – is there an underlying condition? If so, will the steroids control it? As the steroids make him very thirsty, will he still be peeing for Europe most hours of the day and night, or will this reduce as the dose decreases?

But also - has this abscess been a factor in the biting? Has it been developing over months, rather than days? It seems to me – now - that his occasional biting at his back and scratching at his side were more likely related to this abscess than our assumption of fleas – and would explain why we never found evidence of fleas, and standard flea responses did not seem to affect his behaviour.

He seems comfortable – flat out on the rug just now, instantly alert to any move I might make – especially if this involves the kitchen ! He’s not a young dog. But it’d be good to share our lives with him for a while longer. We’re only just getting to know him.

Somewhat Later Than Anticipated

2009-06-16T10:52:00.003+01:00

There seem to be a number of us bloggers who Aren’t Just Now........

ChickPea – as one of the aforesaid company - has been sans Muse and directing her energies in one or two alternative directions..................into her current regular working hours (being “ 3hrs paid Mon-Fri workout” – alternatively known as School Domestic Duties), a very few paid office hours (only a few – but a welcome start along the new path, and providing a wee tad of affirmation), voluntary reception hours, voluntary office filing assistance, choir stuff, dog walking, cat care (tho our Holiday Visitor has now returned home), household chores, some job applications (largely sidelined just now in aiming to allow time to devote to her remaining ECDL modules), ECDL attention (aiming to support office working credibility)........... occasional (precious) snippets of time spent social networking..... gaining more job application rejections (wow).......and being Major Grouchy cos blitzed with a head cold for the last week........

Not much excitement or avid brain activity to provide ready cannon fodder to blog about........

Occasional visits to her favourite blogging community sites have been happening intermittently, but few of these show much recent activity, causing concern – are they ok ? – would a comment help ? - or would a comment be irritating ? ...... or maybe there’s Something In The Air.......... certainly many of us appear to be caught in the out-of-employment-morass or similar-life-sapping-struggles which tend to undermine the very best of blogging intentions .........

...........anyway........ 2 days ago ChickPea decided to commit to making a comment ....... didn’t seem too demanding a venture........... oh yes, need to just log on first.........oh *(expletive)* ...... what’s the password then....haven’t used it in a while but the brain must hold it somewhere........ not THAT one then......... nor that........... nor that.......oh dear........

OK. This can be dealt with........ all you do is follow the onscreen prompts.......so she did.......after a few circuits of these she decided enuff wuz enuff......... gave up. .....dispirited.....

The Next Day she discovered that The Process had just been being a tad slow(er than she thought it would be)....... SO...... here - at last - is proof that The Grim Reaper Has Not Yet Whisked Her Away - she still exists, can still use a keyboard ............ and is still a computer numpty.....................

..............loadsaluv, x

A NEW Laptop.......

2009-05-09T22:18:00.001+01:00

And a whole new learning curve.

BUT – it mostly connects to the Internet on the FIRST attempt, and it tends to STAY CONNECTED !

Wheeeeeeee !

(If you have been in this situation you will understand the excitement………. And the frustration ! )

ChickPea will be around again soon.

Good Friday

2009-04-10T23:04:00.003+01:00

And some good things happening in ChickPea’s life – tho’ the kitchen has been much neglected…………

Job adverts are still surfacing, allowing incalculable hours to be spent merrily (?) re-jigging CV or compiling application form and letter or email. After the disappointment of the first two applications of 2009 being rejected without even a sniff at interview, ChickPea has been trying to be more philosophical. And has stopped counting. Kind knock-backs have included the insight of 70–plus applicants (even for part time low waged jobs), numerous competitors having perfect previous experience IN a similar role – so an aspiring post-holder like CP fully appreciates they would want to employ the bestest and most ideal candidate…….. (****** !)

Ms Mog is still – ASTONISHINGLY – in residence, frail as a frail thing but eating like a horse, and waking TH and CP up at 5am if she’s scoffed all the food from the night before but is still feeling peckish…….

Chooks are laying well and waking TH and CP up at 6am because chookies got up at dawn and are now bored with pellets and want an INTERESTING breakfast. NOW. (Oh yes – and HAVE you seen my egg – BEST egg in the world – in fact – in the Entire Known Universe !) Aye. Vocal, our chooks……

Voluntary receptionist hours are proving to be great – and filing system activity at S Elsewhere’s is FUN – yes – really fun – and satisfying – providing a sense of achievement and fulfilment - and even a bit affirming for the ole battered ego - and reassuring CP that a career change in the direction of office administration-type stuff really could be feasible (even tho it’s not actually happening yet….)

AND - The most recent blood test for cholesterol was great (seriously !) – with a family history of this calibre, and cholesterol at ‘time bomb’ levels, diet and previous statin therapy making no appreciable impact over several years, it was indeed an excellent moment to discover that current medication and semi-industrial dosage has finally battered the numbers into mid-range scores. So ChickPea seems likely to get a bit longer in the tooth yet, and able to stave off pushing up daisies meantime……..

And so we have got to Good Friday. I highly recommend visiting Kelvin's blog if you are seeking some seasonal food for thought.

"Just us chickens......."

2009-04-07T20:44:00.002+01:00

Er...... 'Hello'......

2009-03-04T21:42:00.001Z

Spring, they say, has arrived. And the church calendar has brought us into Lent……forty days of prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial……..

All good Episcopalians will be engaging with this season to sort out their lives and nurture their faith. Episcopalians such as ChickPea have loads of Good Intention but find a wayward step or ten takes them off track…..

And why the neglected blog ? - a rampaging viral infection grounded ChickPea, stopped her singing and kept her out of circulation for a number of days, underlining how important all her friends are for her sanity and quality of life…………. recovery has been a two-edged sword – surrounded by the virus both at home AND at work, TH has now succumbed…………..

Meantime, the recent cash flow crisis appears to be past, voluntary receptionist hours are going well, Myna’s hormones have stabilized finishing her second broodiness of the year and she is laying again, the snowdrops are out and the daffodils are coming on apace…… and even if the evidence of increasing spare holes on the belt IS just cos the belt is stretching, general fitness is gradually becoming established for ChickPea ………. and the boiler is at least only ‘on the ½ blink’ – so is heating the house………… and a lukewarm shower is MUCH better than COLD !

Hibernating.........

2009-02-08T22:52:00.001Z

Snow has been visiting and swathing the whole country of UK – except the West of Scotland. Brief smatterings of the white stuff – but not enough to really notice, or to feature on the weather report. Mid-afternoon the tiny powder flakes started. And persisted. During pre-service rehearsal and Evensong it evidently got heavier. By the time TH and ChickPea left the Cathedral (after the Assistant Organist’s surprise 21st party) there was a couple of inches lying – enough for snowballs !

In a moment or so Mr Mutt will be off out to visit the park – for TH and ChickPea wellies will be wequired, methinks. In the snow visibility will be good enough for a foray into the park at even this late hour of the night.

ChickPea has now completed a month of school cleaning duties. General fitness (slowly) improving, and the belt now reaching the 5th hole (formerly straining on 3rd). But the scales are adamant that only 1 lb has been shed………

Tomorrow she starts some voluntary office hours with a counselling centre to hone her ‘Receptionist’ skills. And resumes filling out Application Forms……………..

An evening - and a morning - with Auntie.......

2009-01-16T22:05:00.002Z

Last night’s exercise was to entertain Auntie’s Argonauts – that intrepid band from Auntie who quest to produce The Ultimate Sunday Morning Service for the airwaves……...

Yup. The Cathedral is hosting Radio 4’s Sunday morning’s broadcast service this week – ‘twill be Matins (kerumbs – I have to dust off the memory banks to recall last time Chickpea sang Matins – was it at Salisbury in the days of the RSCM Cathedral Course ? Or was it in 1990, visiting all the (main) Cathedrals of Scotland in 24 hrs, singing a service in each, being Matins in both Oban and Inverness (different music for each service ? _ but OF COURSE !), Eucharist in Aberdeen, Evensongs (full choral OF COURSE – weren’t they ALL ?) in Perth and Dundee, with Complines in both Edinburgh and back home in Glasgow – under the scaffolding, and singing ‘The day Thou Gavest Lord, is ended’ – with n’er a dry eye in sight (NB - a 24 hour feat never yet repeated ! – come on next generation !!) – don’t believe me ? - visit Mr Lay Clerk’s blog to see the photographic record of the intrepid choristers involved !)

Anyway. Notwithstanding. So there they were, sorting out ‘timings’ last night, at the regular choir practice, rather than the usual ‘day before’ routine becos there’s an RSCM gathering in the place tomorrow. Sound levels, etc will all need to be sorted out on the day - roll on 7am !

So – if you’d like to invite TH and ChickPea into your home on Sunday morning, all you need do is tune in to Radio 4 at 8.10am. (Or surf the internet and visit the BBC website – either then for ‘Listen Live’, or during the seven days following for ‘Listen Again’ /Radio 4 Sunday morning service – available worldwide !)

Seriously, though, it’ll probably be The Provost preaching, and his sermons are usually well worth being awake to hear – visit the Cathedral’s website at http://www.thecathedral.org.uk/ and find out for yourself !

Have a great day !

Yawn.......Creak........Stretch......... (Groan..........)

2009-01-14T23:05:00.002Z

Yup. ChickPea is getting fit(ter) – tho isn’t yet at the stage where she feels the benefit…….’hitting the wall’ seems to be the phraseology……

(How are you getting on, Mr Lay Clerk ? How is it for you ? You seem kinda silent just now…….)

Dear, much neglected Reader - you’ll maybe remember ChickPea’s joy at gaining 15 hours part time working, just 3 hours a day, Mondays to Fridays……..which started on Monday 5th January. She is kinda tall (5 foot 12 in her bare feet when last measured a while back), and junior school tables and chairs ….. and, er…. ‘things’……are kinda low to clean, clean around, hoover under, and generally maintain in a satisfactory state of cleanliness. Fine blue carpet in abundance – shows every last bit of detritus ! And Jollyface Hoover has a mind of his own as to Everywhichwaytogo…….. Three hours of frantic scrambling to accomplish the required tasks and Achieve A State Of Order And Cleanliness…….. (Who needs a gym ?)

Not to beat about the bush, ChickPea has been feeling a trifle ‘exercised’ when she gets home……. (This has been an excellent excuse to submerge herself in a hot bath...... lit candles.... incense stick............open window for a refreshing breeze.........and a charged glass within easy reach………. Ahhhhhhhhhh…………… Bliss). Past two days the glass was not utilized…….. but TODAY – aha ! (Maybe this is what’s got her onto the keyboard again….).

Unlike Lay Clerk, she’s not lost 30 pounds…....(meaning lbs......)…..though she remains hopeful...........

Most fortuitously TH is an Accomplished Man In The Kitchen (a previous present of a day at Nick Nairn’s Cook School proved inspirational). Current itinerary is allowing him The Opportunity To Remember. And he is. Brilliantly. And Most Supportively.

"Ooooops............"

2009-01-06T21:59:00.002Z

There she was, ChickPea working steadily on the computer, conscientiously wading through her Outlook ‘Inbox’ and doing some (much needed) tidying up. All was going well. Considering the time of night and distraction levels of the TV and TH ………..

When……oops……..’NOW what’ve I done ?’ she thought….. Quietly……… To Herself. …………….

TH was rather close by………… but maybe busy enough not to notice……… HOW ON EARTH could the screen picture thingie rotate itself COMPLETELY by 180 degrees without so much as a ‘by the way, I’m going to…….’ ?! (HELP !)

(DON’T PANIC !)

She was sure she should be able to fix it. Herself. She’d just completed a module of the ECDL after all…… What had she done – had she pressed those keys ?....... mebbe…… wonder if repeating might sort it……. noooooooo…….. never mind, should be sortable from the desktop screen……..found the desktop…….right click………ummmmmmmmm…….not convinced that was right - tho it’s kind of tricky when it’s all upside down, and the cursor is moving back to front…….. (and TH is right by her left elbow……….but apparently not noticing)…………HOW is he not noticing ? …. (miracles DO still happen….)……………….maybe shutting it down and turning it off will sort it out……………….
………………………………………….

……Noooooooooooooooo……………………

…………..perhaps leave it till tomorrow………..maybe it’ll repent after a night off………….

….sooooooooo…

……………………………..Nooooooooooo.

Yup, ChickPea wuz having a fun time before Christmas. .......................

(Sorry - What was that ? – Oh ! – YES - She DID get it sorted out the next day, with technical guidance from The College, and yes, it was thru that right click on the ‘desktop’ manoeuvre (just a step beyond where she’d got to whilst trying to read, think and re-orientate upside down………)

................and now I guess she’ll find out how often TH is reading her blog………!

New year Greetings

2009-01-03T17:24:00.001Z

Here’s hoping that 2009 has started well for you.

TH and Chickpea have been having loads of ‘chill and recover’ time this year, with both feeling on the verge of ‘going down with something’, but thankfully not quite succumbing. (Yet). This has tended to keep them ‘grounded’ at home, with the hatches battened down and drawbridge up. Having been intending/hoping to invite folks round for Conviviality, Fostering of Friendships and Partying with Pals, this has been a little disappointing. But bugs is bugs, and not nice to share.

Billy the Kid, our House Guest of the Season, thankfully seems immune to the nasties, steadily exploring and claiming the house as satisfactory territory, and checking that Ms Mog is not receiving Preferential Attention. He is a fine orange cat, allowing Mr Mutt to share his space so long as Mr Mutt is appropriately deferential. The chooks were most concerned to see a feline living next door to them, and made sure the neighbourhood were aware of their disgust. Billy, however, was totally non-plussed, especially when he realised the chair is ideally placed for the sun shining in through that window on a good morning ! And the chooks forgot he was there after about an hour of fussing.

So all is generally well with The Household Here – apart from poor Myna, still overcome by broodiness, determined to occupy the nestbox and desperately keen to hatch non-hatchable eggs, so making laying difficult for her companions. Advice to separate her from the flock and seclude her in a ‘broody-coop’ has been taken. She’s not impressed. We hate seeing her discomfited in this way, but hope this is the quickest way to help her back to normal. (More likely she’ll decide the conservatory is a preferable domicile and complain when returned to Outside !).

Soon it’ll be Epiphany, and time to take down the twinkling lights that gladden our hearts and remind us that this is also our ‘Wedding Anniversary Season’ – celebrated in style this year with loads of candles and the Cathedral’s Carol Concert. Thirteen years. Who’d have thought it !

Four chooks a-layin'.........

2008-12-31T16:33:00.002Z

The Fourth Day of Christmas (Well, near as). There was my True Love, shivering in the cold and clutching 4 eggs !

Yup. All four of our little darlings are now laying, wee ‘Moe’ having succumbed to the Hormone Blitz just a few days before Christmas. So with a rising ‘Egg Mountain’, TH pulled on his swimming trunks and set off to surf the world wide web and seek a recipe to deal with the situation. Result ? ‘Pickled Eggs’ joined the outgoing presents list.

And now, on the Fifth Day of Christmas – Myna seems to have gone broody…………..

.........................Any suggestions of how to help a broody chook get over her impossible dream ?

Oh yes - and have a Happy Hogmanay !

Wow ! - Thanks for the champagne !

2008-12-28T21:37:00.002Z

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

2008-12-26T00:06:00.002Z

Bestest Christmas Greetings to you ! So kind of you to visit. Apologies. Things have been a bit quiet here in the electronic kitchen, the soufflé deflated and the hens scoffed the risotto……….

Largely because ChickPea was ironing cassocks and surplices in readiness for the Cathedral Carol Service, trying to do the Seasonal Things and usual chores (failing dismally in achieving the impossible) ………and frantically …… desperately…… sending off job applications………. until, with the end of the Jobseekers Allowance getting ever and ever closer, she decided to change strategy, and just try to get SOME hours doing ANYTHING……..

And…….

AND……… YES ! A great Christmas present was landing 15 hours part time work from 5th January – wheeeeeeee !

So, yup, she’s away to school again ! 3.30pm till 6.30pm, Monday to Friday, wielding a mop or similar and ensuring the educational premises are of A Standard. This will not only ease financial fears but will assist General Fitness, boost the flagging morale and allow return to a more appropriate ‘long term’ jobseeking strategy. All good things at the start of a new year.

So – FANTASTICALLY - a Very Merry Christmas Indeed !

Here’s hoping things are ok with you, that Christmas has been a Fine Time, that Hogmanay and New Year’s Day will be even better, and wishing you good times and great companions throughout 2009.

SUMMING UP

2008-12-11T18:13:00.002Z

MINUS: Well, the waiting finished today. Neither job landed.

PLUS: ChickPea completed her first ‘European Computer Driving Licence’ module
today; exam completed and passed. Next two modules ready to start.

EQUALS: No excuse for being bored this Christmas !

Sunshine

2008-12-10T11:29:00.002Z

ChickPea was out early with Mr Mutt this morning, determined to give him a decent walk after two days of ‘other demands’. Mr Mutt’d missed out because of ChickPea having two more interviews………. More anon.

Most important - give Mr Mutt some time and space today. It was light, but cold – some frost, some slippy areas. They’d just left TH at his workplace, there was loads of car parking space along the Kelvin Way, so Kelvingrove Park it was. Mr Mutt was very pleased. They’d not been there for over a week. And not seen Mr Heron for over a month – and there, as the sun crept through the nearly-bare bones of the winter trees, was Mr Heron. Up to his knees in the cold river as ChickPea and Mr Mutt strode along the path (well - nearly strode - there was still slipperiness). Breakfast was slow in arriving for Mr Heron this morning. It was good to see him – just about ten feet away, quite unconcerned to be observed (“as long as you’re quiet – please don’t scare the fish…….”). A pal has been watching him higher up the river recently, so we knew he was still around – but it was still good to see him. If only Chickpea had had the camera along this morning ! Mr Heron caught them up again ten minutes later as they went past the frozen duck pond – he’d decided to take a break from the river, and was high up in one of the trees. ChickPea had never seen a heron in a tree before, but he was clearly perfectly satisfied with his vantage point.

Oh yes – the interviews. Well, one was for a post applied for over six weeks ago, which she’d almost lost hope of ever hearing about. The other had been a ‘next day response’ to receiving an agency’s version of her CV (which ChickPea’d not seen before it went in……. CV had become basically inaccurate through their ‘tweaking’, giving rise to ‘personal integrity’ issues…..)

But both interviews were extremely good experiences (assuming ‘good’ and ‘interview’ can ever be linked !). Both very different, but each conducted in a highly professional and most competent manner and very positively handled to get the best they could out of their candidate. So ChickPea feels confident that the end result will be both fair – and the best for the jobs concerned. Successful for ChickPea ? Time will tell. Maybe both will identify a better candidate to fill their requirement. Either way, Chickpea felt kind of ‘honoured’ to observe such interviewing expertise in action, and apart from chattering on like a budgie (not particularly typical for her) and not managing to say much of what she’d prepared and hoped to include….. she was fairly satisfied with her performance (throw her a fish someone !).

Now is the wait…….. Either job would be fun; each very different and requiring very different approaches and activities. One supporting the function of Strathclyde’s Finest; one assisting the community aspects of tower block demolition (!) One easier to get to, probably (she forgot to ask) with more training, much more structure, significantly better prospects overall, and better paid. The other much more demanding on travel, less pay, ‘quirky’ in context and allowing (maybe) more personal interpretation of the role. Both hoping to get the successful candidate launched into the post in January………..

Now is the wait.

You’d think it was Advent, or something……………

Livin' an' Lernin'

2008-12-01T23:38:00.002Z

ChickPea’s havin’ a nite in tonite. All Alone. TH had to go away to a conference. HAD to get by without his Trubble n Strife. (or did he mean ‘had to get away from’…..?) Anyway. Poor Love. Up before 7am, and a long long drive (with his boss). Miles away into the far blue yonder. Back of Beyond. Far far away (St Andrews). Poor thing. He’s having to ‘make do’………… with the hospitality of ‘The Auld Course’……….HUGE bedroom. Many-course supper. And booze. Don’t you just weep for him ? !!!

Anyway……….

Telly’s on. And she’s getting some edukayshun…….. Wot’s this ?

Presented Physiological fact: Female body has…. WOT ! …… LESS water than yon male ? An’ THAT’s why she’s not allowed as many units of alcohol as his nibs, ‘cos HE – being more water, dilutes his intake more efficiently……….

HA ! So much for ‘equality’, eh.

Just as ChickPea thought. All that ‘politically correct’ stuff about ‘gender’ and ‘God’ becomes significantly more suspect….. such a dire and fundamental (here meaning ‘basic’) unfair inequality MUST prove ‘God’ to be male………..

The Big Dipper

2008-11-25T13:20:00.003Z

Yup. ‘Life’. Roulette Wheel. Or Rollercoaster without much fun. ChickPea wishes apologies expressed as her blogging has been somewhat neglected of late. Too much of the ‘Rain’ stuff, too many job applications, much too little positive affirmation, and no interviews………..

Sunday was a bit of a rollercoaster – big service a.m. to celebrate the end of the Church Year with ‘Christ the King’ as the Front Page Headline. Then the AGM. (Happened. No bloodshed. No Public Floggings. Not exactly ‘fun’ – but it was an AGM after all…… ). Then ChickPea was off to an exam….. a kind of ‘first interview’ with the DWP (Dept of Work & Pensions…….)……Don’t think she’d gotten around to telling you about this one……

ChickPea hates – but HATES and LOATHES ‘maths’…… maybe somehow related to her ‘Class 4’ primary teacher who got locked up for child abuse a few years later. She doesn’t remember much of that year or class. Except that THAT was when maths became really scary. Like terrifying. And ‘tables’ became taboo. Suffice to say that ‘maths is not her favourite activity’. So she has been avoiding maths. She knows she CAN do it, especially when it is necessary, and there’s a reason for it, and, let’s be honest, most jobs need a bit, but that she can handle ok. But she doesn’t like having to prove it. So if ‘financial’ or similar appears in the advert, ChickPea….er….sidesteps.

But about 2 weeks ago was the ‘3 months’ Unemployed Point/ Jobcentre Interview’……. I guess it was fairly gentle really. More gentle than ChickPea expected. But her current allowance (which stops in January anyway, as assessed on her 2006 contributions…….. yup, despite 28 years continuous fulltime working and full contributions, 2006 was when she stopped after 6 months to care for DJ……..) – said allowance can be stopped early if The Interviewer thought she’s not ‘all out’ to get a job……… so when she was……um……’encouraged’ to apply for a DWP vacancy, ‘choice’ was not really a relevant word………..

Anyway…….. let’s gloss over Sunday afternoon, noting that failing an exam juggling with numbers, several charts and percentages – despite working as conscientiously, honestly and as carefully as possible, but still only getting through eleven of the twenty questions in the Time Allowed – was not an Affirming Life Experience for ChickPea……… quite the opposite. Empty and Demoralized, yes. To spend precious time in a such a No Win Situation was frustrating. (If she failed, it was a bummer for the self-confidence and morale. If she succeeded, she might get a job, but maths would be an ever-present requirement…… To deliberately Flunk Out would destroy any Personal Integrity…….).

Anyway, Integrity and Honesty Triumphed, but Failure Won. Congratulations ChickPea !

A wet and cold walk back to a preferred/warm/welcoming/newspapered environment for an extravagant G & T (nothing like a place and staff you know well when you have to say, “ok, what’s cheapest, a glass of wine or a G&T ?” !!) and a chilling-out moment with a sparse tear or two.

So, ChickPea was most grateful for the distractions of pre-service ceilidh preparations, a humdinger of an evensong (despite our rend ition of Stanford’s Canticles in E flat….. a new foray into the …..er…… realms of the unknown region…….) for the Bishop’s Celebrations, and then high jiggers in the aisles to round off the day. Even Fun looked in to join the party. Wow. Some day.

But more was to follow. ChickPea had made a phonecall on Friday in response to a local job advert found via the jobcentre on Friday. A lovely receptionist took her name, and said there’d be a followup phonecall on Monday or Tuesday. And on Monday/yesterday there was a phonecall – about a job THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY ! - and an invite to interview on Wednesday / TOMORROW ! No application form, no CV…….. no job description !!! (MOST bizarre ! – but watch this space ! “A job’s a job for a’ that” to make a mis-quote…….)

Wellies' Weather

2008-11-17T11:35:00.006Z

Whether we want or not, Wellies’ Weather is once more upon us……. Well, ok – you’re right, as usual. Such weather never quite left, did it. Maybe sat down and took a nap for a day or two, but remains with us nonetheless.

The dry hours of yesterday allowed TH and ChickPea to re-do the chooks’ roof and thoroughly renew their (the hens’, that is) carpet of bark chippings, so they now have dry feet again (and if the roof re-do works, this will continue….). Today the chooks are busy digging thru the pile to lay the carpet in a satisfactory fashion for today’s fashion-conscious hens………..

Meantime, Mr Mutt, having been out for his morning paddle, is running free in sunshine in the Land of Nod……..

ChickPea is girding up the lions – sorry, loins - to do ironing. (Lions don’t like ironing, girdles or not). The novelty of job applications is a little thin today, so the steam iron is heating up, the next batch of washing is doing (wonders and miracles of modern technology), and the clean-but-not-yet-ironed-surplices-for-next-sunday-fun is waiting, along with R4 and the SAD light……

The Other will still be ready and waiting tomorrow……. and maybe, just maybe, (Hope Living Eternal an’ a’ that, tho mostly at a different address) The Postie will call by with good news before then……..

And next Funday we have the Scottish Primus celebrating 40 years since his ordination, and 10 years as Bishop. A Choral Evensong Event, to be followed by a ceilidh. Fancy joining us ?

Just a Moment........

2008-11-11T14:03:00.003Z

What a moment that was for Mr Mutt yesterday. Pity it didn’t prevent the moment that happened later, when he tried to bite The Hand That Feeds Him. It was a very near miss – no blood flowed – but previous trust was shaken to the core, and all in all, a great disappointment overwhelmed us. We thought we were moving forward, but THAT moment raised the old spectres again.

Life is full of moments. And maybe, when we get to the end of it, we will look back and feel a whole lifetime is but A Moment. It only took a moment to sign up for the many who lost their lives in the world-and-subsequent-wars. And for those who Gave Most And Got Little Thanks. And but a Moment for a Life To Pass On.

This is Remembrance Day, and I am so sad that now so many of Those Who Survived have gone, NOW the media is screening so very very many programmes about the conflicts…old film footage……. insights and revelations of mishap and mayhem….…. So much that could have helped Those Who Have Now Gone to find a point of inner resolution, of personal forgiveness, of peace. So many must have been like my Dad, unable to speak of most of their experiences of The Conflict - perhaps fearful of recrimination or condemnation from the generation who followed who had so much in consequence, but understood so little – and who could understand even less when so much was contained, withheld, bottled up. And now it is too late to offer consolation, to offer Love and Understanding. But never too late to gain understanding...........

It was good to Share The Sacrament of Silence of those sacred minutes on Sunday. For A Sacrament Silence Is (or can be). Unnamed as such by The Church maybe, but Sacrament nonetheless. Good that the church now again accepts and embraces the mysticism and ‘magic’ of silence within liturgy. Our services had got very ‘busy’. In trying to be relevant to our daily lives, services not only reflected but became that very same busyness……. And forgot To Reflect. But now we are again given the sacraments of space and silence – and of Refection - and this is good.

ChickPea tried for those moments of silence again today – but as waiting for a jobseeking-related appointment kind of intervened, the moment passed. In her early schooldays she recalls that life would stop for those minutes – traffic would stop, radio would cease, a local bell - or a foghorn, or similar local loud noise – would signal start and finish of the Time for Silence. The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month……….

Many moments have passed. Many more will happen – are happening even now. Good Things, Bad Things. Good – even Best of – Times, and Worst of Times. Some happen Somewhere Else. Some happen to us. Some we share. Some we will never ever be aware of, even when they happened right next to us or around us. Some Moments we have caused to happen, and some we did not prevent, or make recompense for…………Some Good Moments we withheld.

“Just a Moment” ChickPea’s Mum was reported to say, as she passed on. No warning. No time to say more. A while ago now, and many moments have happened along the way since then. Each precious. So precious. Most unmarked, unnoticed. Yet special, and very precious – especially those very mundane or ‘normal’ moments that allow us to breathe, relax, rest, recouperate. Sacredness of the Present Moment.

Take a Moment. Share a Moment. Give a Moment. Even "Just" a Moment. For you.

Running in front of the wind

2008-11-10T10:14:00.002Z

Mr Mutt and ChickPea were out in the local park this morning, it being that time of the day and Mr Mutt requiring his constitutional. Light levels were dull, very dull. The clouds were low. ‘Overcast’ and ‘blustery’ were words that might describe the weather. Mr Mutt’s eyes were shining, and he was clearly looking for an excuse (or an order) to run. “I’m a sheepdog”, he seemed to be saying “I need to run”.

This is perhaps the first time he has been so open and direct with ChickPea – up until now it has been the apologetic sideways look, with a certain reluctance to go anywhere other than firmly (hmmmmnn......, ‘doggedly’ might be more accurate) by the side. Occasionally a certain, “I suppose I could go over there a bit if you really don’t want me”. Or the opposite - a rather bolshy attitude of doing his own thing regardless (“who do you think you are – I don’t need you”). But rarely this near-Happy, apparently Relaxed and Getting On With Life ‘Cos It’s OK. Freedom. Not yet the sort of ‘joyous’ that ChickPea associates with a settled and happy dog. But much, much closer than we’ve seen since he came to live with us in September 2006. Now 26 months ago.

It’s all progress. It is good. Sunshine would have been wonderful – but was not to be then. But now – ah, yes – NOW there is a hint of sunlight creeping through the clouds. (Perhaps going out for the shopping will be next on ChickPea’s Agenda).

And Mr Mutt ? Tired, shining eyes, happy smile, wet, muddy and flopped out in the kitchen.

Yes. Mr Mutt ran……and ran………and ran………….and…….ran.

Re-View

2008-11-04T10:36:00.001Z

Lots happening. Rowan Williams. Sunshine. All Saints. All Souls. ‘Thin stuff’. Chewy stuff. Ingredients for The Kitchen. Much of it currently half-baked. Still cooking. And yes, there’s probably currants in the mixture as well. And a chicken or two……….

Tired........

2008-10-30T23:23:00.004Z

Very tired tonight. Another interview today – not a post that ChickPea wanted to go for, but the Powers That Be (and that can influence The Allowance) were very very keen (well insistent, really) that her CV go in for this one. She feared repercussions if she refused…… (And a bit dischuffed - after all, an average of an interview a month doesn’t seem too bad over these past 3.5 months since Unemployment moved in. And 18 applications submitted over the 14 weeks as well. OK – no room for complacency, but not really needing the sort of kick up the wotsit and compromise of personal integrity that this has all felt like. . ….. )

So they put it in (was due in when Jury Duty was happening, was found just about the day before and she really had no opportunity to do it by the deadline).

Herself was not keen for an interview for a job she doesn’t feel suited for .... and, guess what ? (Ha ! But of course ! )

So – re-jig the brain: decide to be pleased to have got to interview ….. and commit to it…..determine to give it a best shot and be as honest to self as possible……

(but what if offered ? – go with the flow - a job is a job, after all, and pennies ........engage with dilemmas over that if it ever happens)…….

Trouble is, all the other applications ARE, in fact, jobs she’d really like and want to commit to……….

Anyway. So what happened ? Interviewers at the end of their afternoon who seemed to think it was all a bit of a joke, really…… (we all waited and expressed concern while the interviewer couldn’t read her questions and fussed about her contact lenses)…….. And despite best shot, ChickPea didn’t really feel she’d got a clear sight of the target, so it all came out rather woolly, really. Disappointing feeling. Didn’t feel like ‘her best’. Never mind. Maybe it means future engagement with this one won’t have to happen…. Expect to hear by the end of next week……. With a second stage scheduled for mid-November for successes from today…….. (So time for other things to show up in the interim…….)

But see the amount of energy this has consumed in preparation, not sleeping and not getting other things done…….

Not the best start to the evening. No matter. If she ever wondered why she Cathedral Sings, ChickPea knew something of ‘why’ tonight. Not the most inspiring of repertoire either, nor the greatest of rehearsals, and most of us seemed somewhat jaded. But there was still That Something that carried her through the evening to an OK place.

And tomorrow……… what tomorrow ? There’s a few possible jobs left from the last search……. and the requirement to scour the newspapers at the local library and computer search again at the jobcentre….. so let’s see if she can get another application in before the weekend………..

Caring for the carers......

2008-10-25T22:02:00.002+01:00

ChickPea, TH, Ms Mog, Mr Mutt and Myna and Moe got back to the big city last night, in the same rain that loads of other people were getting too. Myna and Moe, two more very beautiful hens to bring our wee flock to four, had only just joined the family during the afternoon, but the rest of the gang had spent a few days in Dumfriesshire, at a fabulous cottage surrounded by sheep, where you can see the local beach and sea from bedroom, conservatory and bathroom, and where ‘dark’ at night really does mean ‘dark’. A few days with including enough wind to blow away most cobwebs, enough rain to wash away accumulated dust, enough sunshine (YES – REALLY !) to lift the spirits aloft to fly with the local red kites, and enough sleep to allow both Rest and Recuperation to join the party. Yes, a few very good days, thank you.

The process continues.......

2008-10-16T19:06:00.003+01:00

Bereavement and grieving being the process in question. You think you’re doing well, and have moved on to the next chapter of your life – and something grabs you by the ankle and suddenly you feel crumpled in a heap like so many autumn leaves.

Life in the ChickPea household rumbles on, and you would think DJ both gone and forgotten……… But the dreams prove otherwise. Last night was a case in point. One of those dreams which is so so vivid you can hardly believe you have awoken when you do awake. So real.

ChickPea dreamt she’d woken, got up, gone down the road to the regular Thursday morning Eucharist. Dreamt she got there surprisingly early (ChickPea doesn’t do ‘Early’ !) – so met up with TH for a coffee – all in astonishing technicolour and 3-D – in fact, absolutely all the normal detail and sensations of everyday life – then she suddenly realized she couldn’t remember where DJ was – why wasn’t he along too for the service ? – she then realized she couldn’t remember getting him up for the day, or even giving him his breakfast – he would be hungry, and upset, and alone and still in his bed - in fact, couldn’t remember where he was sleeping – knew his bed at home had not been slept in for days, but he wasn’t in a residential home either – so where on earth was he – was he on his own at home ? - what had she done with him ? – where and why had she left him abandoned ? - where to look for him even ? - (she did have a feeling he wouldn't be at home, but it seemed the best place to start looking) - so she tore off home in a great panic, distressed and angry with herself because she had been so totally thoughtless and devoid of normal care and consideration, and completely unable to speak to even TH about it as she dashed away……… and it was all just a dream…….. but so so real………

Strange, isn’t it.

Well - another Wednesday

2008-10-15T20:58:00.002+01:00

ChickPea had hoped that she’d be more adept at re-wording the CV by now. But no – has taken all morning again today, just like Monday. There again, I guess she’d hoped to have solved the unemployment hole in her life by now so’s CV-manipulation would no longer be necessary……. And headaches aren’t helping. (They recede at times, so I doubt if it’s anything other than rather horrid).

So here we are. Unsuccessful outcome to last week’s interview. (Thank you for your kind enquiry Fr K). Nothing further from the other two applications that were submitted at the same time.

SIX more applications submitted so far this week – 2 by the kind person at the jobseeker support place (cos I was unavailable yesterday at the critical moment to further re-jig the layout and submit), another 2 sent off last night at some unseemly hour (and wondering why ChickPea has a headache, eh…), and a further 2 today…….. This now brings her to a grand total of sixteen applications over the 14 weeks of Jobseeking, so a current average of just over 1/week (lucky ChickPea is not applying for accountancy-type jobs, eh !!). As she’s away Monday-Friday next week, and avoids doing job applications at a w/e if she can, this average is unlikely to stay at such a giddy height……. But maybe still a few more ‘possibles’ to get to grips with before she goes away on Monday………

Currently needing to clear the head, scoff some supper, polish the determination and aim to get to bed at a sensible hour………. ironing, washing up, hoovering and tidying will just have to wait a bit longer. (And no – ChickPea doesn’t do ‘dusting’………)

Life is all tangled up with ‘Jury Duty’ this week – ChickPea phoned last Friday and found she was not required for Monday ( Yay !), hence working on CVs for submission on closing date of Tuesday. But the phonecall Monday night confirmed the trek to the High Court was required on Tuesday (hence non-availability for final re-jigging of CVs and submission – thanks again to Kind Person). Finally got home just after midday, not selected. (Again)

Curious, isn’t it, how these things bombard your psyche. The great relief of not having to Do The Public Duty after all, and not have to wrestle with the sordid details of alleged incidents that should never have happened had there been appropriate respect and consideration. And THEN, unaccountably, the ridiculous sideswipe of “they don’t want me either”…….. chain up the lions and gird up the loins………..

Last Saturday, the chooks’ accommodation was re-arranged to provide better wintering quarters (no more paddling across a flooded lawn to shut their door at night ! – no, now they can be reached from the house !!!!). They appear content with the changes – certainly there wasn’t the hullabaloo on Monday morning that occurred Sunday when they confronted the day and found their world had changed dramatically. (This was a pity, because the folks upstairs consequently overslept on Monday………….). But tonight – Wednesday – it feels like we’ll get a frost, so the chookies have been shut in for the night, hoping the two of them’ll be a bit warmer. They huddle together to sleep, all very endearing, but probably still a bit chilly in the rather larger than necessary house. (But better for our backs…… yes, the final decision re ‘whch one’ was all down to design considerations). Hoping to get another two chooks on the way home from hols next week (no – we haven’t told the neighbours !) – four of them together should be warmer.

Meantime, Autumn has happened over the last 2 days of rain. ChickPea had been hoping to take sequential photos of the staggering changes of leaf hue when out with Mr Mutt each morning……. but her photographic abilities do not stretch to keeping a camera dry if out in a monsoon. And the vast majority of the leaves are now down. Winter approaches.

National Poetry Day 2008

2008-10-09T14:59:00.003+01:00

Now here’s a thing - and A Very Fine Thing too. National Poetry Day.

Read a poem. Recite a poem. Write a poem. Send a poem. Share a poem with the person on the bus next to you.

Try a look at Best Scottish Poems 2007 at http://www.spl.org.uk/best-poems/007.htm

Go on – I dare you ! Find a poem that speaks to you, and ENJOY !

(Brought to ChickPea’s attention by The Hubby hisself. A poem in her email to greet her return home after The Interview. Romance Incarnate. Now isn’t that A Very Very Fine Thing Indeed).

A Rollercoaster of a day......

2008-10-06T21:38:00.002+01:00

ChickPea and Mr Mutt were awaiting TH’s emergence from his place of employment this afternoon, so to pass the time (and because she’s only just discovered this unexpected aspect/resultant requirement of her mobile phone), ChickPea was ‘deleting sent messages’ ……… months’ and months’ and months’ worth………so there was heaps of stuff relating to DJ. Fairly ‘tame stuff’ maybe, but it was still unexpected, and more of a shock than anticipated.

Bereavement is like that, isn’t it. Just when you think you’re moving on, something grabs you by the ankle.

There’s a lot of this kind of stuff around in ChickPea’s day to day life at the moment, not least because her own Dad was dying slowly in the extreme south of England at the same time that DJ was moving into residence with her and TH in Scotland. So ‘Dad loss’ has been a compound experience spanning somewhat more than these five or so years. And I guess there’ll be yet more to reach the surface – as it does, and as it must.

Meantime, a very dear pal is living thru the heartache of losing a beloved pet who has been close friend and companion, and supported both heart and sanity thru recent divorce. Initial survival of pet was precarious about ten days back – apparent progress seemed to offer hope, and got pet home and seeming recovering – but now the blood tests show a hopeless outcome just a few days away. As Ms Mog is almost nineteen, and slowly but steadily fading away (tho still appears content, enjoying her food and occupying most of the bed all day - and much of it all night), ChickPea and TH feel very very aware of pal’s sadness.

And then, this evening, surprise, surprise – invitation to an ‘initial interview’ ! On Thursday. Yes – just three days’ time! Hardly time to draw breath. After recent knockbacks and several non-replies, one of the Jobseeking efforts of last week is daring look at ChickPea in the flesh ! Cor. Gosh…….. (panic)

Now, the chances of her getting to the next step may be most unlikely – and much as she had been thinking of part time hours, “five-going-on-fifty-something” is kinda young for green fields and horseplay – and maybe a change of direction into a satisfying employment course will need not only personal commitment but time dedicated to achieving change…….. At the very very least, another interview will be another most useful experience, and even just getting invited to interview is dead good for the morale, and … who knows what the future may hold ? She’s been saying she wants “to do something different”, and has been doing ‘head level’ reinventions of herself after all, and ambitious job applications ……. so will this chicken come home to roost ? ………..

Thru the window at 4pm today.........

2008-10-03T22:59:00.001+01:00

Autumn is definitely upon us..........

2008-10-03T14:28:00.001+01:00

Yup. You don’t need to be a working mum to notice the flying by of the time, nice clock or no nice clock. The colours of autumn are encroaching, so enjoy them while you can ………. ChickPea was out in Kelvingrove Park again yesterday with her box brownie (well – a descendent of her BB), and all being well we’ll see some autumnal flavours getting into the Risotto over the next few days…….

Meantime, let’s see what’s been happening to fluff up the soufflé……. ( and we’ll just forget all about PK’s take on ‘fluffing’, won’t we…….)

ChickPea has been vigorously jobhunting of late. Various returns not wishing to employ her talents notwithstanding. Luckily, enough combined SAD light exposure and sunshine by-the-by to rouse her wilting spirits, and to fire up both The Imagination and The Latent Blagger Within……. Whoo hoo ! ….. So the most unlikely of job adverts have been viewed with decreasing suspicion, the CV turned inside out, with a nip here, a tuck there, a few more stitches and a modicum of embroidery……. I tell you – if all it took was Positive Thinking, she’d be running the world by now….. but…….

So there’s now another 3 applications in during this week… (quite enough to handle for just now - tho’ she picked up more possibilities at the Jobcentre this morning, so will doubtless peruse the potential therein before hanging her Blagging Boots up for the weekend……) …….. and I do believe the sunshine is out to play, the chooks are only up to their ankles in mud, Ms Mog is sleeping the sleep of the well fed, and Mr Mutt is surveying the back yard morosely, and wondering If There’s Any Justice At All In The Universe…….. (cos if there is, why oh why is he jus’ sittin’ waitin’ for his walk ?)

OK, Mr Mutt. Like the Guinness advert says, all it takes is patience…….. good things come to those wot wait…….

Ten Things Currently Visible From ChickPea's Window

2008-09-27T16:54:00.001+01:00

1. Raindrops
2. Loads and loads of beautiful red cottoneaster berries
3. More raindrops
4. A recently cut hedge – tidy for the winter !
5. Rain on the windowpane
6. Trees turning all the wonderful hues of autumn
7. Raindrops dripping off the cotoneaster
8. Grey clouds
9. Puddles
10.Even more rain…………