Bereavement and grieving being the process in question. You think you’re doing well, and have moved on to the next chapter of your life – and something grabs you by the ankle and suddenly you feel crumpled in a heap like so many autumn leaves.
Life in the ChickPea household rumbles on, and you would think DJ both gone and forgotten……… But the dreams prove otherwise. Last night was a case in point. One of those dreams which is so so vivid you can hardly believe you have awoken when you do awake. So real.
ChickPea dreamt she’d woken, got up, gone down the road to the regular Thursday morning Eucharist. Dreamt she got there surprisingly early (ChickPea doesn’t do ‘Early’ !) – so met up with TH for a coffee – all in astonishing technicolour and 3-D – in fact, absolutely all the normal detail and sensations of everyday life – then she suddenly realized she couldn’t remember where DJ was – why wasn’t he along too for the service ? – she then realized she couldn’t remember getting him up for the day, or even giving him his breakfast – he would be hungry, and upset, and alone and still in his bed - in fact, couldn’t remember where he was sleeping – knew his bed at home had not been slept in for days, but he wasn’t in a residential home either – so where on earth was he – was he on his own at home ? - what had she done with him ? – where and why had she left him abandoned ? - where to look for him even ? - (she did have a feeling he wouldn't be at home, but it seemed the best place to start looking) - so she tore off home in a great panic, distressed and angry with herself because she had been so totally thoughtless and devoid of normal care and consideration, and completely unable to speak to even TH about it as she dashed away……… and it was all just a dream…….. but so so real………
Strange, isn’t it.
