Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........