Meantime, Down in the Deep Dark Dell…..

With all the rain of the last few weeks - and more today - there’s been plenty of growth in the lawn.  I think ours is a ‘field grass’ lawn, with a few bits of better class turf which have been bought in along the way to bolster the gardener’s morale.  What we actually need is a robust, low-growth, sturdy, fine-leafed, dog-pee-proof, maintenance-free, hen-proof type of grass which grows extremely slowly…….  Any suggestions?

Having pulverized said grass into submission with the mower I now find I need to crash on the sofa for 6 hours. … well, for 30 mins minimum.  Just taking the dog out has a similar effect. This fatigue and lethargy may relate to the recent finding of raised blood pressure, which will be addressed with doc tomorrow morning.  That Easter Wipeout Virus may be involved, as a persisting erratic cough has been surfacing intermittently since then.  And the recent growing realization that the HRT was probably a significant factor re headaches, low morale, increasing irritability, poor quality sleep, joint pains and recurring hot flushes instigated a stop……. some relief for 5 days, but then the sleep and flushes got even worse, so back to the formula of several months ago which made a HUGE difference – for about 2 weeks…………. Oh, to have been born male………

I guess this current ‘deep, dark, dell’ holds a few insights as well as multiple chewy beanstalks for the old cow ….(reference to my Latin teacher’s attempt many moons ago to remind her pupils of the vocal stresses considered necessary when reading pentameter verses out loud….. visit ‘ChickPea Risotto’ to read the rhyme)………

As a teenager I lived for several years in deeply distressing gloomy despondency.  My teenage friends didn’t seem to relate to this at all, so it was mostly held within.  I confided a little in my parish priest, a kind and wise gentleman (with a wife and 3 daughters) who did his utmost to guide, support and encourage my spiritual journey and development through those troublous times. 

As my family didn’t even begin to acknowledge or communicate about ‘internal stuff’ I don’t suppose they had much of a clue, really – I was just their moody Youngest who wouldn’t ‘snap out of it’ (….like there was a choice, eh?)

For me, it was just how/where Life Was.  It never occurred to me that there might be a REASON for it – like the hormonal shifts / imbalances which assail some at puberty.  I hope that today’s parents, priests, GPs and youngsters are better informed.  But I now realize that the Dark Places I have been bogged down in for these last many weeks of Great Grief seem to have a very similar terrain to those swamps encountered in teenage years.  Hormonal Gymnastics seems very likely to be a related, and maybe the causal, factor.

Insights like these don’t feel like a lot of help, however.  GP or Specialist just says, “stay with these tablets a bit longer and see if it all settles down”, or, “well, I have just the answer to the sleeping problem – take these”……. so the joint pains return, irritability sneaks in below the radar and escalates into epic proportions before muggins notices Something Is Amiss.   

Fortunately I have generous friends who accept me as I am.  Such kindness is a gift more precious than anything, and such Friendship is awesome………

Depths of Doldrum Duvet.......

ChickPea is wandering around in the Doldrums and has lost her map at the moment. Somewhat bogged down and struggling to find a way forward thru tangled briars, bindweed and stinging nettles…..

It is a well known fact of Life that unresolved anger can hide quietly in the internal dustbin until a new, maybe exceedingly trivial annoyance, lifts the lid and allows the whole shebang to explode with a response completely out of proportion to the triggering incident.  I grew up with a Much Loved who held such anger, and it is not an easy one to live alongside.

But I don’t think I had realized that Disappointments and Sadnesses can have a similar cumulative effect. 

Disappointments and Sadnesses can appear to have been fully  accepted, dispersed and assimilated into your Life’s Rich Tapestry……… but nonetheless there can be a heap of accumulating disappointments getting bigger when you’re not looking – you’re just doing your best to get on with survival and putting one foot in front of the other. …..

And THEN there’s the possibility that such a heap will reach a point where it just topples over and overwhelms you…….

Horrid “illness” bugs, working too many hours in the week, childlessness, bereavements, lost jobs, missed opportunities, public ‘fluffs’ in rare solo singing opportunities,  friendships that have foundered – or seem to be foundering, personal potential that hasn’t found a way of nurture or development …….. generally accumulated clutter.............. and far, FAR too much rain………. and, no doubt, age and hormones………

 All of these seem to feature in ChickPea’s current landscape, blotting out blessings and blurring perspective.  Most had been lying down, so quietly slipping under the radar…….. seemingly ‘sorted’ (as Glasgow would put it) ……but ALL now jumping around with great vigour ....... proving a little tricky to handle and impossible to ignore………… worse to catch and deal with even than recalcitrant hens ……..

I guess some sunshine would help………. (it would certainly help the hens).

So I guess this is by way of apology to all who have any contact with me……… I haven’t been blogging, I haven’t been visiting around the blogosphere, I haven’t been my usual interested, outgoing and affirming self, I really haven’t been much fun to live with, and, I guess, I haven’t fully been ME……. 

I know the grass will grow over all, but it may take a bit longer yet to create a lawn ………

Going.......... going............ GONE

Got up.  Got dressed. Walking around the house – all well. Chooks n chores – all well.  Nothing much amiss. 

No giveaways.

Halfway into the quarter of a mile walk to work  (ie. Absolutely NOWHERE for retreat or modification of arrangements).......  slight technical hitch....... oooops............. VPL heading steadily southwards.......... re-arrange jacket in hopes of a modicum of disguise.........

BUT - even wearing trousers, VPL has somehow reached midthigh.......... (and still all day to get through........... would ‘going commando’ really be worse ? ......... dunno - there’s years and years and YEARS of conditioning to get through before I could address, let alone explore that one........)

QUESTION: How come lingerie just ..... kinda gives up........ lets go...........no warning whatsoever.............

I guess it’s an age thing........... (another one)

Going.......... going............ GONE !

Got up.  Got dressed. Walking around the house – all well. Chooks n chores – all well.  Nothing much amiss. 

No giveaways.

Halfway into the quarter of a mile walk to work  (ie. Absolutely NOWHERE for retreat or modification of arrangements).......  slight technical hitch....... oooops............. VPL heading steadily southwards.......... re-arrange jacket in hopes of a modicum of disguise.........

BUT - even wearing trousers, VPL has somehow reached midthigh.......... (and still all day to get through........... would ‘going commando’ really be worse ? ......... dunno - there’s years and years and YEARS of conditioning to get through before I could address, let alone explore that one........)

QUESTION: How come lingerie just ..... kinda gives up........ lets go...........no warning whatsoever.............

I guess it’s an age thing........... (another one)

5am

ChickPea has inadvertently joined the ranks of the under-sleeping these past many weeks. With frequent spells of similar over the previous months into years. If you too are caught in this scenario of AWAKE at some early hour, with Sleep happening to Others who you have no wish to awaken, then you have all my sympathy, empathy and commiserations.
   

Leaving your bed runs both the likelihood of becoming SO awake yourself that there’s no chance at all of getting back to sleep, as well as the risk of Awakening Others. However, if you have a bedfellow, staying in bed may similarly run that risk of Awakening Another as you re-arrange pillows/sleeping position/duvet/check the clock/etc...........
     

Gaining Insight into this scenario is a compensation, I guess, enabling greater understanding of the burdens of others.
   

The Feline Thing That Goes Bump In The Night has cottoned on to this timetable and appears about 5.30am for a little company (probably hoping that TODAY may perhaps Be The Day For An Extra Breakfast)... 
   

Concentration for prayer is somewhat absent. 
   

Recalling others in the blogging fraternity who share in this experience may perhaps reach out some support.
   

I suppose ironing in another part of the house is always an option........
   

And, of course, by the time the alarm finally sounds, sleep is tantalizingly close, so actually getting up for the day is no easier than if you have only just awoken.
   

But, however you look at it, this is not – currently - an ideal start to a day, nor conducive to cheerful outgoing self-projection, nor to positive working relationships........
   

Anyway....... have a good day. x

This week....

Some weeks are good/great/grand/positive.  But sadly, not all.  Such is the way of it, and it seems to me, such is The Real World Much Of The Time. 

And such we need to learn to live in, and - somehow -  flourish within, and in which find ways to support, tend and nurture each other for the common good.  If there IS any ‘Meaning Of Life’, then I think this is it.  Someone Else, a few years back, phrased it as “Love the Lord Thy God, Love your neighbour, and Love yourself.” (hmmmn........ look where it got him.......).

But if the ‘Christian’ thing has any relevance, substance or purpose, then this must surely be inextricably  fused into the centre and distilled essence of my life.  Acceptance of Harsh Reality.  Love, Care and Concern for all around.  Some people may understand this in a very localised way to the people they encounter, others may embrace a more ‘wide world’ concept inclusive of All Things – four footed, feathered, ‘creeping upon the earth’ or growing within it.

Such details of a person’s faith need to be distilled, decided and determined by the individual concerned.

So, in dealing with the daily trials, tribulations and running sores of life, where is a feasible starting point ?

“What Did Jesus Do ?” is sometimes a difficult answer to discern from what we have written upon the printed page.  Hence the various interpretations held in thrall by different traditions, which any one person needs to investigate and maybe challenge in seeking their own answers.

“What Would Jesus Do (Here And Now, With Present Understanding And Resources) ?” is an even trickier question.

“Pray” is probably a most valid answer to both questions, and is probably the most unexplored and most unused solution to Everyday Trials And Tribulations in most lives.  It may seem facile, trite even, but yet it still seems to be the answer facing ChickPea, and any subsequent result still seems to be ever one step beyond reach.

I wonder – did the disciples manage to pray and hold fast to faith through those initial days after what we now celebrate as ‘Easter’ ?   Each of them must have felt so bereft, so very empty.

What we do know is that they met together for mutual support.  Truly, ‘Love, Care and Concern’ in action.

Aye, I guess it does it for me.

Easter Monday

Dull, wet and cold. Internal atmosphere in sync. The morning after the night before.

This has been an excellent Easter at the Cathedral.

All the pomp, ceremony and fine music making from which the Episcopalian tradition takes such inspiration and delight; all the angst, confusion, bustle and conflict that today’s interpretation of Liturgy seeks to encompass in order to encourage the gathered community to engage in the deeper aspects of the proceedings; and all the preparation, effort and application that are required to make all this happen.

Of course, each of us can pick at the whole to find faults and shortcomings – we’re all exceedingly accomplished critics, enjoy engaging our heads in dissection of each service that we have attended, as well as a few that we didn’t, and staunchly both exercise and defend this right of critique...... ‘This was too long’. ‘That was too disorganized’. Something else ‘lacked solemnity’.....'had too much waiting around' or was 'too simplistic'.....

All are excellent defences guaranteed to distract our attention from perceiving the essential truths and personal inspirations which are ALSO available.

The hens are out, seeking Tasties. Nothing escapes attention. Everything can be turned over, pecked at, dug into, or otherwise investigated in depth. Try it and see if it’s good. (Who knows what you might find ?)

All it takes is a little positive attention and focus.

Post on Prayer..........

Episcopalians are often not the most forward in talking about their faith and religious practise – and I confess that I, too, find this quite difficult. But I was talking about prayer in a (relatively) recent post, and I guess there is a certain requirement to follow this with an update........

The series of sessions on prayer reached completion today, and has earned commendation. Carefully prepared and competently presented, it has been a most useful prompt and encouragement, helping to draw the practice of prayer into focus.

As to my personal regular Moments of Quiet that had started so well, and seemed to be taking me forwards into a more positive scenario........... these slipped out of my personal calendar and consciousness with my week away, then lay dormant during the next ten days of infection, and hadn’t yet re-established as A Happening....

In the second to last week the prayer course was engaging our imaginations to ‘join in’ a scene from the Life of Christ – specifically, with the story of Christ preaching to crowds on the shore of Lake Gennesaret, getting into a boat with fishermen who had been fishing all night and catching nuthin’..........
So where was I in this scene ? Creeping quietly into a vacant corner of the boat, mostly out of the way but able to help out a bit if an extra pair of hands was required........... As ‘A Member Of The Team’ ? Well, probably not, because I was loathe to intrude, the central characters being a bit grumpy after their long, cold, hardworking but unsuccessful night......
Well, I guess you know the story........ the boat puts out from shore, Christ tells the guys to cast their nets once more – and THIS time there are more fish caught than the nets can hold, a second boat comes over to help out, BOTH boats seem likely to sink because of the number of fish, but they get back to shore and the fishermen abandon everything - fish, nets, boats – to follow this amazing Jesus Man and ‘become fishers of men’....

I’m not very good at engaging with this sort of prayer. I don’t usually find much of an end result. ‘Interesting’, maybe, perhaps intellectually intriguing (I mean, what DID the situation smell like...... what were the guys talking about ? ....... were they listening to the teacher ? - and just WHAT did they think when Jesus got into their boat in the first place – weren’t they hoping to head off home to bed and get a bit of a kip ? .....and so on) ......... but er, not, actually, personally positive as an exercise.........

Next, the group had a cup of coffee, mulled over the exercise a little, then set off as separate individuals to find separate space in the church and re-visit the scene (or try a new one).

So, here's an empty pew. get comfy. Enter into the head again, fire up the imagination.......... and where am I ?................. overlooking the lake, the boats are there, but everybody else has gone.......... the place is quiet, not a lot happening........ the waves come and go (as waves often do, gently, repetitively.......). Relaxing...... but a bit lonely. Kind of EMPTINESS. Where had everyone GONE ?

So how was this about me, my faith, my ‘religious life’ ? My ‘Relationship With Christ’ even. (I guess you’ll be aware that is what this whole Christian thing is about – ‘Personal Encounter With Christ’ – recognizing the impact this has on your life, and aiming to use this as a positive influence in the way you live your life with everyone you encounter).

Now I SAID I’m no expert about this stuff.......

Anyway – there in my imagination, wondering where Jesus was, I became aware of this remarkably ordinary guy - Jesus - coming to sit beside me and share this vantage point overlooking the scene........ no words, nothing being said, but a most overwhelmingly companionable presence, sitting down next to me, allowing me to lean a little and feel support............ Kinda weird, but comforting.

So - was this just ME, consciously inventing the scene and manufacturing ‘cosy thoughts’ ?

I dunno. Does the ‘how’ matter ? There is a wealth of books out there about this sort of prayer, and so far I’ve read none of them. Will I ? – Dunno.

Have you any suggestions you could share with me?

Hen-y Thoughts

The chooks are getting much happier as Spring enters the year, and we are now daily finding three eggs from between the four of them. Warmer ambient temperatures are doubtless a factor, along with longer daylight hours, and increasing amounts of sunshine – plus getting out to roam around (and trash) the garden. Last Friday they got the double whammy of OUT plus SUNSHINE – considered by Eena and Meena as ideal ingredients for a spot of dust bathing. Myna and Moe, meantime, were more interested in scratching about to find any unexpected edible goodies (we’ll not go any further in pursuit of the details). Mr Mutt was sleeping in a sunny spot near the hedge (a good place to dissuade local foxes from visiting), and Master Moglett was bouncing about, climbing trees, chasing shadows and eating the crocuses.

The whole scene was so relaxing, household chores got put on ‘hold’ and ChickPea sat on the dustbin for half an hour.

See the focussed effort invested in dust bathing ? Phenomenal ! And much as you may doubt the ability of a feathered face with a beak to reveal any expression whatsoever, those two hens were in seventh heaven in a state of sheer bliss.

The mind freeflows in sunshine.

First thing in the morning, the hens tend to shout a fair bit – until we appear and reassure them that they are not forgotten, not being ignored, not being taken for granted, and not going to miss breakfast ! In fact, their positive response to any attention, however fleeting, is quite remarkable.

Quite a lesson for relationships, really.

Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........

being with.....

Like many – maybe most – folk, ChickPea finds it difficult to give or share when she’s struggling with the landscape. Doesn’t like landing stuff on other people. Feels it’s her own muddle to unravel, her own mess to sort out, and her own clutter to sift through.

Recently there has been a lot of ice to traverse, some slippery, some thin........ Now there’s mud, clogging forwards progress, and fog, distorting view and perspective...... what she needs is some sunshine.........

Recent terrain can make her quite difficult company. Sometimes there’s just not quite enough energy to go around and invest in everything she wants to.....

That she has kind, considerate and caring friends is a most wonderful blessing.

With all very best wishes..........

Faith. Fully.

I’m not sure I often wave the flag when I peek over the top of my parapet to gaze askance at the world around me.

I guess I tend to think that my faith is so integral to who I am that I don’t actually NEED to wave the flag about it very often. On the other hand, being a fully fledged cathedral chorister for rather more years than I care to add up, and wardrobe manager to boot, is perhaps a thinly disguised alternative flag that I wave very regularly indeed without noticing........

Tonight’s service at St M’s was a place apart. Faure’s Requiem was the music on offer for All Souls’ Day, and another ‘first’ for our treble choir who joined the regular adult choir for the occasion. And the trebles stepped up to the mark and conjured up a most spectacular ‘Pie Jesu’ for us all. Competently. Spectacularly. Our Director of Music deserved accolades from On High.

But, tho notable, that was far from all we shared this evening. The serving team had paid attention to all the necessary details that most of us are completely unaware of when a good job is accomplished, and the visual gloom that results from too few light bulbs remaining fully operative provided the sort of atmospheric lighting that we generally yearn for at this time of year but rarely quite achieve......

Most seats were occupied in the cathedral, and methinks the shadows were far from empty......

Once again our Chief Pastor demonstrated his liturgical ability by planning and facilitating the whole, and his priestly expertise by dealing quietly, most gently and sensitively with each and every demand of the evening.

This service was undoubtedly One Of Those Times when the step between Here and There was a remarkably small one.....

Naming the Game

Hello. Two days ago was sunny – one of the most fabulous and sunniest days that Glasgow has seen in a while. A fine day. A glorious day. A Good To Be Alive day. Even, maybe, a “Good To Be Me” day. My thoughts turned to blogging............... an’ I thought it wiz about time I admitted to still being here.

My energies of the last too many months have been somewhat channelled towards seeking employment – and over the last several weeks, devoted to assimilation of the new job requirements.

And are these demanding ? Thank you for asking. Demanding, yes – but not in the “saving lives in ITU” league – Thank Goodness. No one is likely to step prematurely into The Next Realm if I don’t do this job well enough. That Responsibility, Those Jobs are Now Done By Others. Thank Goodness.

I think I’m only just beginning to really recognize the cost involved in carrying such responsibility for so long. When I first took up the reins of the post I remember hoping that I’d recognize when the time arrived to move on.

I loved the people I cared for.......and yes, for me it was right to weep with those who wept and rejoice with those who rejoiced.........and, as a dedicated professional, I learnt to leave each bedside and go refreshed and new to the next, meeting each as an individual needing a unique and considered approach. I loved the staff I worked with........... well, most of them ........being human I met some I found difficult, and one in particular with whom I did not find a satisfying working relationship. This still imparts sadness.

I was totally committed to the requirements of the role. I hated the politics, and as I got older I began to struggle with the hours and energy which were consumed. I think I did recognize something of this – but I couldn’t see a way out.......... or a way forward.......... or sideways, or back, for that matter. It was going to be a difficult process, by whatever path..........

Thank you, BlogVisitor, for visiting, for being around, and sharing something of the rough and smooth of the path which has been involved. The blogging community have been so very supportive – especially over the long weeks and months of unemployment. I would never have expected such kindness and encouragement............. from generous folk from all over the world. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And now – where is ChickPea now ? Ah well, there’s a question............

Two day ago, several times, in fact, in my new administrative post, I was momentarily aware that I was in a good place - the ‘right’ place, and doing the ‘right’ thing............. And it felt Good To Be Alive.

The learning curve involved in the new job continues, and much of the time it still feels as if I am carrying a big pile of dinnerplates while running into the wind across a steep shingle beach with waves crashing and the tide coming in fast....... struggling to keep balance........ and not fall............struggling to keep going............. trying to make progress and gain distance – whilst the tide was getting ever closer..........

But maybe I can look at this differently.........the winds are blowing, yes, and with unpredictable gusts from most unexpected directions...........and tide and waves are close and closing............I guess there’s an element here of ‘storm’ and a disciple losing heart whilst Christ sleeps in the boat..........

A steep shingle beach is certainly not the easiest of surfaces to run across............... but maybe what’s actually happening is that I really am All At Sea - and learning to windsurf............. !

Aha – what would an analyst make of that, then, eh ? A very typical life experience, I guess, but somehow, when it’s the one you’re in yourself, it can be quite difficult stepping back far enough from the wood so that you can see the trees.......... and feel the sunshine on your face again.............

I’m sitting here with the Catlet resting on my left hip and reaching across the keys to both Help n Hinder.

He’s a Fine Fellow, this Bart. He doesn’t fill either of his predecessors’ shoes of course – my beloved white and tabby Judith was a most dedicated CompanionCat, and The PoppyCat too was One In A Million – like each and every one of us. Special, and unique, and totally irreplaceable. And every life has room for at least one more...........

Each day the young Bartholomew grows a bit more in size and stature, and finds new things – real or imaginary – to chase, or challenge, or ambush.........or to snuggle up to.............It may be tall, bipedal and bearing food............ or four legged, black and white, and with Big Teeth.............. BUT ...........Everything Is Fun..........Everything has the potential to Be Great..........and young Bart shows us, time and again, that if you approach it sideways......... and especially if you divert its attention and take charge of it almost Anything CAN be transformed............. ‘dull’ can become ‘shiny’.............. ‘boring’ can be realigned to be ‘exciting’.......... even just a leaf can be THE most EXCITING THING EVER.......... it just All Depends On HOW You Can Take It By Surprise.....

Perspective. Attitude. Imagination. Trust. Focus. Commitment. Enthusiasm. Love. Daring..............

Who would have thought that such a small Catlet-Kitten-Thing could show us so very much in so few weeks?

Maybe there’s more in young BartholoMew’s name than meets the eye, eh?

Hibernating.........

Snow has been visiting and swathing the whole country of UK – except the West of Scotland. Brief smatterings of the white stuff – but not enough to really notice, or to feature on the weather report. Mid-afternoon the tiny powder flakes started. And persisted. During pre-service rehearsal and Evensong it evidently got heavier. By the time TH and ChickPea left the Cathedral (after the Assistant Organist’s surprise 21st party) there was a couple of inches lying – enough for snowballs !

In a moment or so Mr Mutt will be off out to visit the park – for TH and ChickPea wellies will be wequired, methinks. In the snow visibility will be good enough for a foray into the park at even this late hour of the night.

ChickPea has now completed a month of school cleaning duties. General fitness (slowly) improving, and the belt now reaching the 5th hole (formerly straining on 3rd). But the scales are adamant that only 1 lb has been shed………

Tomorrow she starts some voluntary office hours with a counselling centre to hone her ‘Receptionist’ skills. And resumes filling out Application Forms……………..

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

Bestest Christmas Greetings to you ! So kind of you to visit. Apologies. Things have been a bit quiet here in the electronic kitchen, the soufflé deflated and the hens scoffed the risotto……….

Largely because ChickPea was ironing cassocks and surplices in readiness for the Cathedral Carol Service, trying to do the Seasonal Things and usual chores (failing dismally in achieving the impossible) ………and frantically …… desperately…… sending off job applications………. until, with the end of the Jobseekers Allowance getting ever and ever closer, she decided to change strategy, and just try to get SOME hours doing ANYTHING……..

And…….

AND……… YES ! A great Christmas present was landing 15 hours part time work from 5th January – wheeeeeeee !

So, yup, she’s away to school again ! 3.30pm till 6.30pm, Monday to Friday, wielding a mop or similar and ensuring the educational premises are of A Standard. This will not only ease financial fears but will assist General Fitness, boost the flagging morale and allow return to a more appropriate ‘long term’ jobseeking strategy. All good things at the start of a new year.

So – FANTASTICALLY - a Very Merry Christmas Indeed !

Here’s hoping things are ok with you, that Christmas has been a Fine Time, that Hogmanay and New Year’s Day will be even better, and wishing you good times and great companions throughout 2009.