Monday Menu : ChickPea Risotto.......

Monday morning. DJ has just been taken away for the day – so I shall take a few minutes for personal therapy before tackling the day’s chores. TH is working late tonight, so there may be more time later on – we shall see.

Risotto – lots of bits and pieces, plenty for a meal. No recipe, just chuck it all in and stir well……..

Q. Did the car trip work and stop DJ fretting about a bus ?
A. Thank you for asking. Not really – no, that’s not quite honest – partially.
It had the effect of quietening the endlessly repetitive phrases for about an hour. It was also fairly therapeutic for me, in that I don’t drive so much these days as I used to, and there are turnings we go past that I fancy exploring. So as I had the car, This Was An Opportunity. We live in a major city – well, kinda suburbs of – but can be out past fields within 5 mins. (Apologies to The Environment – too many car fumes - not so therapeutic on that score, but, I am afraid, this was a Necessary And Lifesaving Manoeuvre ……). After about an hour, when ChickPea was beginning to count her chickens (figuratively speaking), DJ shot them down. From apparently settled, silent state, came : “Am I going to be able to catch the bus then ?” (NO)……. “Have I missed the bus ?” (YES) ……..”I need to get the bus” (WHY’S THAT THEN ?) “I don’t know”……. (THIS IS THE BUS – YOU ARE ON THE BUS)….. “But where do I catch the bus ?”…….
Then the seatbelt was off – Thank God for the childlock.
We got home after about 2 hours’ driving around fabulous countryside. DJ was being fairly quiet again – clutching onto the seat in front (honest – my driving really isn’t that bad…) – hmmmn - not exactly relaxed…... but ‘Aha’ thought ChickPea – ‘Situation Sorted’. .....

“When will I get the bus ?” sez DJ………

Q. Anything to Give Thanks For Today ?
A. Oh yes – thank you for reminding me - sleeping has been improving a little. DJ essentially slept thru (bar some shouting) from about 10pm until 7am yesterday and again last night. ChickPea’s problem now is that the Sleepometer – which was coping remarkably well in the middle of this last fortnight of Grossly Disrupted Sleep - now reckons it can give up coping, has plummeted to below ‘empty’ and is taking a bit of catching up…. And I do believe there’s Sunshine creeping thru the clouds out there.

Q. How was the w/e ?
A. Mixed. Saturday was fairly non-stop, trying to eliminate the pile of Essential Washing, accomplish Essential Chores, and keep DJ clothed. (This has been A Recent Feature – ‘sitting quietly’ – but removing bits of clothing – one afternoon last week, DJ was quiet in his room while ChickPea answered a phonecall, and next thing, there was DJ, not a stitch on, staggering through the house without his zimmer – ‘WHY ?’ – “I don’t know” sez DJ….) Saturday evening had A Bad Moment. I hate stepping in poo. Before Mr Mutt joined us, both TH and I were most indignant when ShoePoo happened. Since Mr Mutt joined us we are probably even more appalled when this happens, as responsible dogpersons do not allow this possibility to occur. But this was in DJ’s room. And Mr Mutt does not venture in there, nor does Ms Mog. That Bad Moment was NOT something I could share with TH, because he has to live here.
Sunday am and DG was with DJ for the service, enabling almost Full Participation for ChickPea – which was Good. A big, fabulous service with orchestra and Haydn’s Little Organ Mass. PK was back. DG, DA and DI were their usual lovely, kind, considerate, supportive selves. Lunch out is always good (especially re. No Cooking, No Washingup…) – we’ll overlook DJ being Increasingly Unpredictable In Public……. TH was then out with the cameras to cover an event loosely related to work, so Mr Mutt, The Wheelchair and I took DJ out into the park – where he fell asleep for a while. Necessary Clearing Up was then attempted as J was in from The Altzheimer’s Assocn to keep DJ company for the evening, allowing ChickPea a few blessed hours off for real Full Participation in a demanding sing but good evensong and post-sing-lubrication.

Guess that’ll do. My cooking skills are fairly rudimentary, I’m afraid. Hope taste was reasonable, not too chewy, probably about 2 out of 10 for presentation……. at least it wasn’t burnt…………

Tripping the night fantastic.........

DJ likes to fret. Well – that’s the only conclusion I can find after several years of trying not to fret myself when he’s like this……….

He came home from the day centre - on a minibus – 2.5 hrs ago. Since then, at least every 5 mins, he has been fretting that he “will miss the bus”…… he’s not sure what bus, or where it’s going – but he’s increasingly anxious that he will miss it. I’ve tried telling him he caught it fine this morning….. and again this afternoon to come home……. that he’s been on the bus……. that there is no bus……. that it has been cancelled……. that the next bus is 3 days’ time on Monday……. I’ve tried distraction - ice cream, tea, cake, biscuits…… more tea. I’ve said the driver has gone home to his bed. I tried the telly on… the telly off……. the curtains closed so the room is dark ……..

All To No Avail.

He’s usually fretting to get to his bed by now. That’s what he needs. He looks tired – desperately tired. But he’ll force himself to stay awake in case the bus comes……. Will he fall asleep if I take him out in the car ? Who knows. But it’s maybe worth a try.

Any other suggestions ?

Memory - or lack of it

DJ’s memory isn’t any more – well, not his short term memory. This brings endless frustration – not for him, because he doesn’t tend to remember that he can’t remember – if you see what I mean.

If You Live With Dementia you will know this one.

Like me an’ TH, you will no doubt find it difficult to understand, and astonishingly difficult to remember that DJ doesn’t actually mean to forget, nor intend to frustrate us. I’m also absolutely sure that he doesn’t intend to irritate the heck out of us. But, I confess, it happens.

So, for example, he forgets that he is getting dressed, and takes his clothes off again when he was almost fully dressed ……. like this morning when I nipped thru to the kitchen to check the porridge wasn’t burning – only to get back to him and find the tie off, all the buttoned shirt buttons undone again, shoes off and All Systems Go For Bed – an unbelievably reliable occurrence when getting him up to meet a deadline !

So how – HOW – when he is so so good at forgetting everything, does he remember the ‘Recurrent Themes’ ?

Like “When am I going home” ?

DJ goes to a Dementia Day Care Centre - well, it's actually the assessment centre, but there seems to be nowhere else that will accept him for day care now – our local Specialist day centre expelled him for being disruptive during his probationary six weeks……. fortunately the assessment place is being kind enough to us to keep him going along Mondays and Fridays at the moment………..

ANYWAY…. the staff deal with DJ’s repetitive “When am I going home ?” question by putting numerous pieces of paper in his pockets saying such as ‘we will take you home at 3pm’. What they don’t want to know is that after he gets home here this very self-same question continues over and over and over again for the next 3 hours or more……

I remember the last time TH took DJ back to his former home in a more northern city – where DJ had lived fifty years and more, and where TH lived and grew up – a well-kent place. But DJ was completely lost, couldn’t find the bathroom in the 2-bedroomed flat, wandered, fretted, wouldn’t settle or sleep…… so poor TH gave up on the Intended Tasks, headed back southwards and arrived home here absolutely exhausted after their 36 hours away….

Dementia is a poor trip. “Home” does not seem to be a place that he can go to for DJ any more, but a desperately vivid, unobtainable dream……….