Depths of Doldrum Duvet.......

ChickPea is wandering around in the Doldrums and has lost her map at the moment. Somewhat bogged down and struggling to find a way forward thru tangled briars, bindweed and stinging nettles…..

It is a well known fact of Life that unresolved anger can hide quietly in the internal dustbin until a new, maybe exceedingly trivial annoyance, lifts the lid and allows the whole shebang to explode with a response completely out of proportion to the triggering incident.  I grew up with a Much Loved who held such anger, and it is not an easy one to live alongside.

But I don’t think I had realized that Disappointments and Sadnesses can have a similar cumulative effect. 

Disappointments and Sadnesses can appear to have been fully  accepted, dispersed and assimilated into your Life’s Rich Tapestry……… but nonetheless there can be a heap of accumulating disappointments getting bigger when you’re not looking – you’re just doing your best to get on with survival and putting one foot in front of the other. …..

And THEN there’s the possibility that such a heap will reach a point where it just topples over and overwhelms you…….

Horrid “illness” bugs, working too many hours in the week, childlessness, bereavements, lost jobs, missed opportunities, public ‘fluffs’ in rare solo singing opportunities,  friendships that have foundered – or seem to be foundering, personal potential that hasn’t found a way of nurture or development …….. generally accumulated clutter.............. and far, FAR too much rain………. and, no doubt, age and hormones………

 All of these seem to feature in ChickPea’s current landscape, blotting out blessings and blurring perspective.  Most had been lying down, so quietly slipping under the radar…….. seemingly ‘sorted’ (as Glasgow would put it) ……but ALL now jumping around with great vigour ....... proving a little tricky to handle and impossible to ignore………… worse to catch and deal with even than recalcitrant hens ……..

I guess some sunshine would help………. (it would certainly help the hens).

So I guess this is by way of apology to all who have any contact with me……… I haven’t been blogging, I haven’t been visiting around the blogosphere, I haven’t been my usual interested, outgoing and affirming self, I really haven’t been much fun to live with, and, I guess, I haven’t fully been ME……. 

I know the grass will grow over all, but it may take a bit longer yet to create a lawn ………

Time for a Randomized Controlled Double-Blind Trial......

A friend was ‘talking scientific’ the other day, and describing their need to organize life somewhat and double check recent experience and insight by conducting a related double-blinded randomized controlled trial.

As you may know, if you have followed this blog, my former life – before I became a fulltime carer – was closely aligned with clinical practice based on insight from scientific trials.  I realised there was something missing from my current life........

Anyhow..........

Tonight is Friday.  Monday is a Public Holiday.

So...... Tonight I decided to run my OWN double-blinded randomized controlled trial. 

Test substance :    fine bottle of Vintage Port

Randomized :        glass is being put anywhere within reasonable reach – aiming to be at least 90 degrees re-aligned each placement

Controlled:            because I measure the liquid very VERY carefully into the glass .... none spilled ........ 150mls each pouring.....

Double-Blinded :  Yup, I’m keeping ma eyes closed each time ah swallow..... ( I guess I COULD wear a blindfold, but it'd make pouring inaccurate........)

“How’s it going ?”

Very nicely, Thank You.  Thanks for calling by – have a great weekend.     x

A Few Brief Brush Strokes......

Greetings.  Apologies for absence. 

Last  Friday we went out to a local venue to hear the “Brass Monkeys” in action – a while since we’d had the pleasure, and a great pleasure it was too.  Brass instruments played with great aplomb, enthusiasm and expertise.  A very good evening out.  (Apart from not eating before we got there, and discovering that they don’t do food of an evening.........)

Saturday was “Chooks Re-location Day” – for the summer they move away from the shelter of the house and conservatory, down to the bottom of the garden (ie. a total travelling distance of about 20 feet !) – affording the hens more scope for sunbathing, a much more interesting outlook over the garden to view visiting cats/foxes/etc, better circulation of air currents, and much easier exit from the run when opportunities arise.  The hens had a fine time, and Eena, who had been looking decidedly ‘out of sorts’ most of the week, and had a few nights in the house along the way, was back to digging about with the best of them.  As for the peoples – well, we get chance to use the paved area next to the house again.  Maybe the BBQ will get dusted off this year......... 

Sunday started at 5am, with the chooks shouting their heads off......VERY loudly  (had they forgotten they’d re-located on Saturday ?).  Then was the usual programme of rehearsal, Sung Sunday Services,  and a fine sermon from the Provost (was it a good holiday then ?).  Tea and cake with friends in the afternoon.  A little light refreshment at the end of the evening.  (Why else would you sing ?)

After this weekend excitement, 9 month old Master Bart Catlet got hisself stuck up a tree on Monday night..........all we knew was that he took hisself out in the early evening, full of the joys and Master of the Universe.  He then didn’t come home before darkness crept in, and no sight nor sound was evident as we examined every area within reach.  Well, you can guess how the night went on....... late to bed in case he showed up...... TH was out looking for him at 3am......... Chickpea was checking around at 5am......... then out at 6am to check for RoadKill before the clearer-uppers would have been out..........  No Sign.   Mr Mutt got longer walks both evening and morning than usual, covering the likely area of disappearance.  Time to head out to work....... Then, a wee small cry.  Both consistent in response to encouragement, and verified by TH.  ......... Finally traced to Up A Tree.  Not a particularly LARGE tree.  But in Someone Else’s Garden, and high enough to be out of reach.  But – Pathetic.  Yup. “Heeeeeeellllllppppp !  I can’t get down !  Saaaaaaaaaaaaaave me !”  (Honest – you could hear him – thinking out loud, he was !) 

Eventually separated from high perch, returned to terra firma, food, and sleeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp............

The other end of the day brought us a house guest.  TH had become aware of a fine long-furred grey tabby stray from a local housing scheme, thin, bedraggled, matted coat, bad breath, unkempt and uncared for............ One vet visit and several pounds’ transaction later, with an anaesthetic booking arranged for ‘grooming’ and teeth review, flea and worm treatments......... and the menagerie had increased .......  temporarily ?  Time would tell.  TH having a certain tendency to cat allergy would be a factor........

Cat smiled......... and scoffed anything that came his way......... and purred...... and purred.........

Meantime, Bart scowled, cursed and swore.  Mr Mutt retreated to his bed and hoped none would bother him.......  TH succumbed to the viral infection which had probably been out enjoying the Brass Monkeys’ gig at The Ferry last Friday.......

And so to today - Ascension Day.  Next step along the way thru the Liturgical Year.  TH somehow managed to shake off his virus enough to sing, (Miracles certainly DO still happen), but has set off away to The Land of Nod.  Now nearing Midnight, Guest Cat has washed his feet for the night and is hoping to be allowed to stay, please........ Bolshy Bart is at the lounge door feeling unloved and abandoned (and probably hoping for some more supper)......... Mr Mutt has his head down, hoping someone will put the light out......... Domestic bliss.   ChickPea has bored you silly – Thank You for calling by. Have a Great Friday and a Fab Weekend ! 

5am

ChickPea has inadvertently joined the ranks of the under-sleeping these past many weeks. With frequent spells of similar over the previous months into years. If you too are caught in this scenario of AWAKE at some early hour, with Sleep happening to Others who you have no wish to awaken, then you have all my sympathy, empathy and commiserations.
   

Leaving your bed runs both the likelihood of becoming SO awake yourself that there’s no chance at all of getting back to sleep, as well as the risk of Awakening Others. However, if you have a bedfellow, staying in bed may similarly run that risk of Awakening Another as you re-arrange pillows/sleeping position/duvet/check the clock/etc...........
     

Gaining Insight into this scenario is a compensation, I guess, enabling greater understanding of the burdens of others.
   

The Feline Thing That Goes Bump In The Night has cottoned on to this timetable and appears about 5.30am for a little company (probably hoping that TODAY may perhaps Be The Day For An Extra Breakfast)... 
   

Concentration for prayer is somewhat absent. 
   

Recalling others in the blogging fraternity who share in this experience may perhaps reach out some support.
   

I suppose ironing in another part of the house is always an option........
   

And, of course, by the time the alarm finally sounds, sleep is tantalizingly close, so actually getting up for the day is no easier than if you have only just awoken.
   

But, however you look at it, this is not – currently - an ideal start to a day, nor conducive to cheerful outgoing self-projection, nor to positive working relationships........
   

Anyway....... have a good day. x

And now Sunday 18th............eveningtime......

Fascinating programme on TV just now about historical maps – some, despite exceeding age, being astonishingly accurate when compared with today’s editions.  Wow !

Tired.  Very tired.  Lots of singing this weekend, away from the home patch all day yesterday, then on usual duties on home territory today; not enough sunshine, and seriously depleted sleep Friday night/Saturday morning - a police helicopter hovering overhead from somewhere around 3am until about 4.20am  (because of a local Incident) dragging us to some semblance of consciousness from the Land of Nod for the duration, and for some (much too much) time after.  

Managed a couple of hours’ work in the garden this afternoon, energy levels seriously lacking.  Grass now growing rapidly, so will have to engage with the lawn mower sooner than had been expected.  With the new Bishop’s Consecration now sprinting into view for Friday, I guess the grass will achieve somewhat of a head start on me again this year, unless the chooks manage to trash the lawn as thoroughly as they did last year.......... Two out of the four of them managed to get away through to the next door neighbour’s garden this afternoon – luckily they remembered how scrummy tinned sweetcorn tastes, so were lured back home without undue incident.

Now you know how exciting my life is, you’ll understand why blogging has been a little sparse recently.  

Thank you for visiting – Live Long And Prosper  (as Mr Spock would say).  x

2010....... Wot a larf........

Welcome to another New Year – and merriment abounds. It must be related to the season – these Twelve Days of Christmas an’ a’ that, Partridges in Pear Trees and Leaping Lords, Swimmin’ Swans an’ Callin’ Birds – especially the Callin’ Birds........... I’d not be surprised if YOU heard our Eena, Meena, Mina and Moe this mornin’ – wot a bloomin’ racket

One of the blogs I really enjoy paying a visit to is The Cottage Smallholder. If you enjoy anything related to cooking, kitchens, gardens, dogs, hens – well, Life The World And Everything, really - then you might like to meet Fiona and Danny too. They are currently hosting a competition which will end on the Twelfth Day of Christmas, seeking latecomers to The Chefs’ and Gardeners’ Ball – do pay them a visit and see who you can introduce !

Meantime, despite The Lurgies of 2009 which moved in and took up residence here with TH and ChickPea through the last few weeks (or was it months ? – certainly felt like it), causing change to our plans to be away for the New Year Festivities, and even now still sapping our energy levels and abolishing any concepts of stamina – despite all, here’s us, sailing hopefully forwards into the dawn of 2010........

Now, approximately 20 years since first meeting......... 14 years post-wedding............. yet, ASTONISHINGLY, somehow still together, despite the everyday Turmoils, Trials And Tribulations Of Life which have crept in, evolved or erupted along our way through sunshine, dark corridors, good times, dashed hopes, joys, disappointments, happy times, sadnesses and fleeting moments of fulfilment.........

And STILL not a clue about what it’s all about........... Marriage, Life, Blog or ANYTHING...... really.............

Except................

Except that it is always good to meet people, in Real Life or Virtual Reality – or WHEREVER, really...... Good to meet and share a little........... moments, thoughts........... a bit of kindness..............a hand along the way............

Here’s hoping 2010 will hold good times for all of us, and kind company when we need it.

Season’s Greetings

Kerumbs.......

Has it really been so long since I blethered on The Blog..... must be. Apologies – I’d not intended to neglect you. I guess the energy has been directed into new job, developing some sort of working relationship with approx 80 working colleagues plus surviving several consecutive infecting Lurgies.......

Anyway......

Here we are, nearing Christmas. Printing problems have made us revert to the ‘D-I-Y Christmas Card’ approach again this year, emailing most of our regular Christmas Contacts.......the postals will have to accept what we could get around the corner........when I eventually get them written and posted............

Yesterday was full of wow factor yesterday. The transformation of the cathedral from the sombre tones of Advent into the pzaz decor for the carol service is visually quite a remarkable feat. However, I’m not sure if I’d ever fully appreciated the integral humour within the transformation process........ but hey – see for yourself by visiting Kelvin’s blog ! (oh, and by the way, there’s a soundtrack too !)

Naming the Game

Hello. Two days ago was sunny – one of the most fabulous and sunniest days that Glasgow has seen in a while. A fine day. A glorious day. A Good To Be Alive day. Even, maybe, a “Good To Be Me” day. My thoughts turned to blogging............... an’ I thought it wiz about time I admitted to still being here.

My energies of the last too many months have been somewhat channelled towards seeking employment – and over the last several weeks, devoted to assimilation of the new job requirements.

And are these demanding ? Thank you for asking. Demanding, yes – but not in the “saving lives in ITU” league – Thank Goodness. No one is likely to step prematurely into The Next Realm if I don’t do this job well enough. That Responsibility, Those Jobs are Now Done By Others. Thank Goodness.

I think I’m only just beginning to really recognize the cost involved in carrying such responsibility for so long. When I first took up the reins of the post I remember hoping that I’d recognize when the time arrived to move on.

I loved the people I cared for.......and yes, for me it was right to weep with those who wept and rejoice with those who rejoiced.........and, as a dedicated professional, I learnt to leave each bedside and go refreshed and new to the next, meeting each as an individual needing a unique and considered approach. I loved the staff I worked with........... well, most of them ........being human I met some I found difficult, and one in particular with whom I did not find a satisfying working relationship. This still imparts sadness.

I was totally committed to the requirements of the role. I hated the politics, and as I got older I began to struggle with the hours and energy which were consumed. I think I did recognize something of this – but I couldn’t see a way out.......... or a way forward.......... or sideways, or back, for that matter. It was going to be a difficult process, by whatever path..........

Thank you, BlogVisitor, for visiting, for being around, and sharing something of the rough and smooth of the path which has been involved. The blogging community have been so very supportive – especially over the long weeks and months of unemployment. I would never have expected such kindness and encouragement............. from generous folk from all over the world. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And now – where is ChickPea now ? Ah well, there’s a question............

Two day ago, several times, in fact, in my new administrative post, I was momentarily aware that I was in a good place - the ‘right’ place, and doing the ‘right’ thing............. And it felt Good To Be Alive.

The learning curve involved in the new job continues, and much of the time it still feels as if I am carrying a big pile of dinnerplates while running into the wind across a steep shingle beach with waves crashing and the tide coming in fast....... struggling to keep balance........ and not fall............struggling to keep going............. trying to make progress and gain distance – whilst the tide was getting ever closer..........

But maybe I can look at this differently.........the winds are blowing, yes, and with unpredictable gusts from most unexpected directions...........and tide and waves are close and closing............I guess there’s an element here of ‘storm’ and a disciple losing heart whilst Christ sleeps in the boat..........

A steep shingle beach is certainly not the easiest of surfaces to run across............... but maybe what’s actually happening is that I really am All At Sea - and learning to windsurf............. !

Aha – what would an analyst make of that, then, eh ? A very typical life experience, I guess, but somehow, when it’s the one you’re in yourself, it can be quite difficult stepping back far enough from the wood so that you can see the trees.......... and feel the sunshine on your face again.............

I’m sitting here with the Catlet resting on my left hip and reaching across the keys to both Help n Hinder.

He’s a Fine Fellow, this Bart. He doesn’t fill either of his predecessors’ shoes of course – my beloved white and tabby Judith was a most dedicated CompanionCat, and The PoppyCat too was One In A Million – like each and every one of us. Special, and unique, and totally irreplaceable. And every life has room for at least one more...........

Each day the young Bartholomew grows a bit more in size and stature, and finds new things – real or imaginary – to chase, or challenge, or ambush.........or to snuggle up to.............It may be tall, bipedal and bearing food............ or four legged, black and white, and with Big Teeth.............. BUT ...........Everything Is Fun..........Everything has the potential to Be Great..........and young Bart shows us, time and again, that if you approach it sideways......... and especially if you divert its attention and take charge of it almost Anything CAN be transformed............. ‘dull’ can become ‘shiny’.............. ‘boring’ can be realigned to be ‘exciting’.......... even just a leaf can be THE most EXCITING THING EVER.......... it just All Depends On HOW You Can Take It By Surprise.....

Perspective. Attitude. Imagination. Trust. Focus. Commitment. Enthusiasm. Love. Daring..............

Who would have thought that such a small Catlet-Kitten-Thing could show us so very much in so few weeks?

Maybe there’s more in young BartholoMew’s name than meets the eye, eh?

Somewhat Later Than Anticipated

There seem to be a number of us bloggers who Aren’t Just Now........

ChickPea – as one of the aforesaid company - has been sans Muse and directing her energies in one or two alternative directions..................into her current regular working hours (being “ 3hrs paid Mon-Fri workout” – alternatively known as School Domestic Duties), a very few paid office hours (only a few – but a welcome start along the new path, and providing a wee tad of affirmation), voluntary reception hours, voluntary office filing assistance, choir stuff, dog walking, cat care (tho our Holiday Visitor has now returned home), household chores, some job applications (largely sidelined just now in aiming to allow time to devote to her remaining ECDL modules), ECDL attention (aiming to support office working credibility)........... occasional (precious) snippets of time spent social networking..... gaining more job application rejections (wow).......and being Major Grouchy cos blitzed with a head cold for the last week........

Not much excitement or avid brain activity to provide ready cannon fodder to blog about........

Occasional visits to her favourite blogging community sites have been happening intermittently, but few of these show much recent activity, causing concern – are they ok ? – would a comment help ? - or would a comment be irritating ? ...... or maybe there’s Something In The Air.......... certainly many of us appear to be caught in the out-of-employment-morass or similar-life-sapping-struggles which tend to undermine the very best of blogging intentions .........

...........anyway........ 2 days ago ChickPea decided to commit to making a comment ....... didn’t seem too demanding a venture........... oh yes, need to just log on first.........oh *(expletive)* ...... what’s the password then....haven’t used it in a while but the brain must hold it somewhere........ not THAT one then......... nor that........... nor that.......oh dear........

OK. This can be dealt with........ all you do is follow the onscreen prompts.......so she did.......after a few circuits of these she decided enuff wuz enuff......... gave up. .....dispirited.....

The Next Day she discovered that The Process had just been being a tad slow(er than she thought it would be)....... SO...... here - at last - is proof that The Grim Reaper Has Not Yet Whisked Her Away - she still exists, can still use a keyboard ............ and is still a computer numpty.....................

..............loadsaluv, x

A NEW Laptop.......

And a whole new learning curve.

BUT – it mostly connects to the Internet on the FIRST attempt, and it tends to STAY CONNECTED !

Wheeeeeeee !

(If you have been in this situation you will understand the excitement………. And the frustration ! )

ChickPea will be around again soon.

Er...... 'Hello'......

Spring, they say, has arrived. And the church calendar has brought us into Lent……forty days of prayer, penitence, almsgiving and self-denial……..

All good Episcopalians will be engaging with this season to sort out their lives and nurture their faith. Episcopalians such as ChickPea have loads of Good Intention but find a wayward step or ten takes them off track…..

And why the neglected blog ? - a rampaging viral infection grounded ChickPea, stopped her singing and kept her out of circulation for a number of days, underlining how important all her friends are for her sanity and quality of life…………. recovery has been a two-edged sword – surrounded by the virus both at home AND at work, TH has now succumbed…………..

Meantime, the recent cash flow crisis appears to be past, voluntary receptionist hours are going well, Myna’s hormones have stabilized finishing her second broodiness of the year and she is laying again, the snowdrops are out and the daffodils are coming on apace…… and even if the evidence of increasing spare holes on the belt IS just cos the belt is stretching, general fitness is gradually becoming established for ChickPea ………. and the boiler is at least only ‘on the ½ blink’ – so is heating the house………… and a lukewarm shower is MUCH better than COLD !

Livin' an' Lernin'

ChickPea’s havin’ a nite in tonite. All Alone. TH had to go away to a conference. HAD to get by without his Trubble n Strife. (or did he mean ‘had to get away from’…..?) Anyway. Poor Love. Up before 7am, and a long long drive (with his boss). Miles away into the far blue yonder. Back of Beyond. Far far away (St Andrews). Poor thing. He’s having to ‘make do’………… with the hospitality of ‘The Auld Course’……….HUGE bedroom. Many-course supper. And booze. Don’t you just weep for him ? !!!

Anyway……….

Telly’s on. And she’s getting some edukayshun…….. Wot’s this ?

Presented Physiological fact: Female body has…. WOT ! …… LESS water than yon male ? An’ THAT’s why she’s not allowed as many units of alcohol as his nibs, ‘cos HE – being more water, dilutes his intake more efficiently……….

HA ! So much for ‘equality’, eh.

Just as ChickPea thought. All that ‘politically correct’ stuff about ‘gender’ and ‘God’ becomes significantly more suspect….. such a dire and fundamental (here meaning ‘basic’) unfair inequality MUST prove ‘God’ to be male………..

The Big Dipper

Yup. ‘Life’. Roulette Wheel. Or Rollercoaster without much fun. ChickPea wishes apologies expressed as her blogging has been somewhat neglected of late. Too much of the ‘Rain’ stuff, too many job applications, much too little positive affirmation, and no interviews………..

Sunday was a bit of a rollercoaster – big service a.m. to celebrate the end of the Church Year with ‘Christ the King’ as the Front Page Headline. Then the AGM. (Happened. No bloodshed. No Public Floggings. Not exactly ‘fun’ – but it was an AGM after all…… ). Then ChickPea was off to an exam….. a kind of ‘first interview’ with the DWP (Dept of Work & Pensions…….)……Don’t think she’d gotten around to telling you about this one……

ChickPea hates – but HATES and LOATHES ‘maths’…… maybe somehow related to her ‘Class 4’ primary teacher who got locked up for child abuse a few years later. She doesn’t remember much of that year or class. Except that THAT was when maths became really scary. Like terrifying. And ‘tables’ became taboo. Suffice to say that ‘maths is not her favourite activity’. So she has been avoiding maths. She knows she CAN do it, especially when it is necessary, and there’s a reason for it, and, let’s be honest, most jobs need a bit, but that she can handle ok. But she doesn’t like having to prove it. So if ‘financial’ or similar appears in the advert, ChickPea….er….sidesteps.

But about 2 weeks ago was the ‘3 months’ Unemployed Point/ Jobcentre Interview’……. I guess it was fairly gentle really. More gentle than ChickPea expected. But her current allowance (which stops in January anyway, as assessed on her 2006 contributions…….. yup, despite 28 years continuous fulltime working and full contributions, 2006 was when she stopped after 6 months to care for DJ……..) – said allowance can be stopped early if The Interviewer thought she’s not ‘all out’ to get a job……… so when she was……um……’encouraged’ to apply for a DWP vacancy, ‘choice’ was not really a relevant word………..

Anyway…….. let’s gloss over Sunday afternoon, noting that failing an exam juggling with numbers, several charts and percentages – despite working as conscientiously, honestly and as carefully as possible, but still only getting through eleven of the twenty questions in the Time Allowed – was not an Affirming Life Experience for ChickPea……… quite the opposite. Empty and Demoralized, yes. To spend precious time in a such a No Win Situation was frustrating. (If she failed, it was a bummer for the self-confidence and morale. If she succeeded, she might get a job, but maths would be an ever-present requirement…… To deliberately Flunk Out would destroy any Personal Integrity…….).

Anyway, Integrity and Honesty Triumphed, but Failure Won. Congratulations ChickPea !

A wet and cold walk back to a preferred/warm/welcoming/newspapered environment for an extravagant G & T (nothing like a place and staff you know well when you have to say, “ok, what’s cheapest, a glass of wine or a G&T ?” !!) and a chilling-out moment with a sparse tear or two.

So, ChickPea was most grateful for the distractions of pre-service ceilidh preparations, a humdinger of an evensong (despite our rend ition of Stanford’s Canticles in E flat….. a new foray into the …..er…… realms of the unknown region…….) for the Bishop’s Celebrations, and then high jiggers in the aisles to round off the day. Even Fun looked in to join the party. Wow. Some day.

But more was to follow. ChickPea had made a phonecall on Friday in response to a local job advert found via the jobcentre on Friday. A lovely receptionist took her name, and said there’d be a followup phonecall on Monday or Tuesday. And on Monday/yesterday there was a phonecall – about a job THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY ! - and an invite to interview on Wednesday / TOMORROW ! No application form, no CV…….. no job description !!! (MOST bizarre ! – but watch this space ! “A job’s a job for a’ that” to make a mis-quote…….)

Well - another Wednesday

ChickPea had hoped that she’d be more adept at re-wording the CV by now. But no – has taken all morning again today, just like Monday. There again, I guess she’d hoped to have solved the unemployment hole in her life by now so’s CV-manipulation would no longer be necessary……. And headaches aren’t helping. (They recede at times, so I doubt if it’s anything other than rather horrid).

So here we are. Unsuccessful outcome to last week’s interview. (Thank you for your kind enquiry Fr K). Nothing further from the other two applications that were submitted at the same time.

SIX more applications submitted so far this week – 2 by the kind person at the jobseeker support place (cos I was unavailable yesterday at the critical moment to further re-jig the layout and submit), another 2 sent off last night at some unseemly hour (and wondering why ChickPea has a headache, eh…), and a further 2 today…….. This now brings her to a grand total of sixteen applications over the 14 weeks of Jobseeking, so a current average of just over 1/week (lucky ChickPea is not applying for accountancy-type jobs, eh !!). As she’s away Monday-Friday next week, and avoids doing job applications at a w/e if she can, this average is unlikely to stay at such a giddy height……. But maybe still a few more ‘possibles’ to get to grips with before she goes away on Monday………

Currently needing to clear the head, scoff some supper, polish the determination and aim to get to bed at a sensible hour………. ironing, washing up, hoovering and tidying will just have to wait a bit longer. (And no – ChickPea doesn’t do ‘dusting’………)

Life is all tangled up with ‘Jury Duty’ this week – ChickPea phoned last Friday and found she was not required for Monday ( Yay !), hence working on CVs for submission on closing date of Tuesday. But the phonecall Monday night confirmed the trek to the High Court was required on Tuesday (hence non-availability for final re-jigging of CVs and submission – thanks again to Kind Person). Finally got home just after midday, not selected. (Again)

Curious, isn’t it, how these things bombard your psyche. The great relief of not having to Do The Public Duty after all, and not have to wrestle with the sordid details of alleged incidents that should never have happened had there been appropriate respect and consideration. And THEN, unaccountably, the ridiculous sideswipe of “they don’t want me either”…….. chain up the lions and gird up the loins………..

Last Saturday, the chooks’ accommodation was re-arranged to provide better wintering quarters (no more paddling across a flooded lawn to shut their door at night ! – no, now they can be reached from the house !!!!). They appear content with the changes – certainly there wasn’t the hullabaloo on Monday morning that occurred Sunday when they confronted the day and found their world had changed dramatically. (This was a pity, because the folks upstairs consequently overslept on Monday………….). But tonight – Wednesday – it feels like we’ll get a frost, so the chookies have been shut in for the night, hoping the two of them’ll be a bit warmer. They huddle together to sleep, all very endearing, but probably still a bit chilly in the rather larger than necessary house. (But better for our backs…… yes, the final decision re ‘whch one’ was all down to design considerations). Hoping to get another two chooks on the way home from hols next week (no – we haven’t told the neighbours !) – four of them together should be warmer.

Meantime, Autumn has happened over the last 2 days of rain. ChickPea had been hoping to take sequential photos of the staggering changes of leaf hue when out with Mr Mutt each morning……. but her photographic abilities do not stretch to keeping a camera dry if out in a monsoon. And the vast majority of the leaves are now down. Winter approaches.

A Rollercoaster of a day......

ChickPea and Mr Mutt were awaiting TH’s emergence from his place of employment this afternoon, so to pass the time (and because she’s only just discovered this unexpected aspect/resultant requirement of her mobile phone), ChickPea was ‘deleting sent messages’ ……… months’ and months’ and months’ worth………so there was heaps of stuff relating to DJ. Fairly ‘tame stuff’ maybe, but it was still unexpected, and more of a shock than anticipated.

Bereavement is like that, isn’t it. Just when you think you’re moving on, something grabs you by the ankle.

There’s a lot of this kind of stuff around in ChickPea’s day to day life at the moment, not least because her own Dad was dying slowly in the extreme south of England at the same time that DJ was moving into residence with her and TH in Scotland. So ‘Dad loss’ has been a compound experience spanning somewhat more than these five or so years. And I guess there’ll be yet more to reach the surface – as it does, and as it must.

Meantime, a very dear pal is living thru the heartache of losing a beloved pet who has been close friend and companion, and supported both heart and sanity thru recent divorce. Initial survival of pet was precarious about ten days back – apparent progress seemed to offer hope, and got pet home and seeming recovering – but now the blood tests show a hopeless outcome just a few days away. As Ms Mog is almost nineteen, and slowly but steadily fading away (tho still appears content, enjoying her food and occupying most of the bed all day - and much of it all night), ChickPea and TH feel very very aware of pal’s sadness.

And then, this evening, surprise, surprise – invitation to an ‘initial interview’ ! On Thursday. Yes – just three days’ time! Hardly time to draw breath. After recent knockbacks and several non-replies, one of the Jobseeking efforts of last week is daring look at ChickPea in the flesh ! Cor. Gosh…….. (panic)

Now, the chances of her getting to the next step may be most unlikely – and much as she had been thinking of part time hours, “five-going-on-fifty-something” is kinda young for green fields and horseplay – and maybe a change of direction into a satisfying employment course will need not only personal commitment but time dedicated to achieving change…….. At the very very least, another interview will be another most useful experience, and even just getting invited to interview is dead good for the morale, and … who knows what the future may hold ? She’s been saying she wants “to do something different”, and has been doing ‘head level’ reinventions of herself after all, and ambitious job applications ……. so will this chicken come home to roost ? ………..