A Most Mighty Mystery

For much of my life, the ‘Easter Season’ has been a major focal point of my life.  Lent, Holy Week and so to Easter…….. a yearly recurrence with ecclesiastically structured prompts of silence and solitude to stop, review, reflect, assess and reassess ……  meeting myself……..who I am…… what I am……… where I am at ……..  Not an easy process, and rarely a comfortable or enjoyable undertaking.  But, sure as light follows darkness and eggs is eggs, this time of year seems to require of me a certain engagement with the essence of mortality…… a kind of ‘head to head’ with fundamental reality. 

For me, this Lent has involved a looking back over my shoulder, whispers from the past, glimpsed shadows of The Loved But Lost  who have passed on to eternity …….. renewed recognition that Water Passes Under The Bridge, and the twigs and ‘Pooh sticks’ of everyday existence catch in the reeds for a moment, then swirl away out of sight and into the far distance………….        The hopes and dreams of what the future just might hold fading in the harsh glare of Time’s headlights.

And so we reached Palm Sunday last weekend, then on into Holy Week. 

Today we approached the Maundy Thursday liturgy.  Stark contrasts of a rich sung mass (this year to be the Rheinberger setting) with the slightly embarrassing simplicity of feet being washed; the clash of fancy ornate robes and vestments with the everyday action of taking, breaking and sharing bread and wine.  So much Big, Bright, Shiny and Lavish……. and then the shocking and harsh removal of all our accustomed church furnishings and embellishments ……..  the solemn procession to a symbolic garden……. and then a darkened, chastened church…… and silent vigil …. the waiting for the end of it …….

So it would be, as so many times before.  The rituals stirring up the hearts and minds and feelings of the assembled congregation in so many ways……. some engrossed in the act of worship…….  others just there for the music….. some appalled at the time it was all taking…….    others perplexed by the sheer drama……. Tumultuous, as at Gethsemane.

So it would be, and, I guess, so it was. 

TH has been floored by an ‘upper respiratory tract infection’ for the last two weeks or so, sore throat, hacking cough, sleepless nights, papertrail of tissues…….. not a chance for him of singing the glorious Rheinberger this time. 

Ten days behind him, finally feeling flesh succumbing to the inevitable last Sunday,  I thought I would at least manage to be a part of the assembly tonight.  Rehearsing tonight I realised this hope was futile.  The voice was strained, and though in tune (so far as the dull deaf ear could tell) was probably not particularly pleasant and doubtless far from reliable. Risk assessment  for the occasion indicated strategic withdrawal was mandatory.

So I took the dog out to romp with her canine companions in the gathering dusk, marvelled at the beauty of first-laid eggs from our junior hens, and moped with my husband. 

Head to head with the disappointment and devastation of not being where I wished to be, nor doing what I wanted, and not even feeling up to returning later on to creep in to the dim and desolate silence, finally sheds yet another perspective upon fragile Mortality.

A Few Brief Brush Strokes......

Greetings.  Apologies for absence. 

Last  Friday we went out to a local venue to hear the “Brass Monkeys” in action – a while since we’d had the pleasure, and a great pleasure it was too.  Brass instruments played with great aplomb, enthusiasm and expertise.  A very good evening out.  (Apart from not eating before we got there, and discovering that they don’t do food of an evening.........)

Saturday was “Chooks Re-location Day” – for the summer they move away from the shelter of the house and conservatory, down to the bottom of the garden (ie. a total travelling distance of about 20 feet !) – affording the hens more scope for sunbathing, a much more interesting outlook over the garden to view visiting cats/foxes/etc, better circulation of air currents, and much easier exit from the run when opportunities arise.  The hens had a fine time, and Eena, who had been looking decidedly ‘out of sorts’ most of the week, and had a few nights in the house along the way, was back to digging about with the best of them.  As for the peoples – well, we get chance to use the paved area next to the house again.  Maybe the BBQ will get dusted off this year......... 

Sunday started at 5am, with the chooks shouting their heads off......VERY loudly  (had they forgotten they’d re-located on Saturday ?).  Then was the usual programme of rehearsal, Sung Sunday Services,  and a fine sermon from the Provost (was it a good holiday then ?).  Tea and cake with friends in the afternoon.  A little light refreshment at the end of the evening.  (Why else would you sing ?)

After this weekend excitement, 9 month old Master Bart Catlet got hisself stuck up a tree on Monday night..........all we knew was that he took hisself out in the early evening, full of the joys and Master of the Universe.  He then didn’t come home before darkness crept in, and no sight nor sound was evident as we examined every area within reach.  Well, you can guess how the night went on....... late to bed in case he showed up...... TH was out looking for him at 3am......... Chickpea was checking around at 5am......... then out at 6am to check for RoadKill before the clearer-uppers would have been out..........  No Sign.   Mr Mutt got longer walks both evening and morning than usual, covering the likely area of disappearance.  Time to head out to work....... Then, a wee small cry.  Both consistent in response to encouragement, and verified by TH.  ......... Finally traced to Up A Tree.  Not a particularly LARGE tree.  But in Someone Else’s Garden, and high enough to be out of reach.  But – Pathetic.  Yup. “Heeeeeeellllllppppp !  I can’t get down !  Saaaaaaaaaaaaaave me !”  (Honest – you could hear him – thinking out loud, he was !) 

Eventually separated from high perch, returned to terra firma, food, and sleeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppp............

The other end of the day brought us a house guest.  TH had become aware of a fine long-furred grey tabby stray from a local housing scheme, thin, bedraggled, matted coat, bad breath, unkempt and uncared for............ One vet visit and several pounds’ transaction later, with an anaesthetic booking arranged for ‘grooming’ and teeth review, flea and worm treatments......... and the menagerie had increased .......  temporarily ?  Time would tell.  TH having a certain tendency to cat allergy would be a factor........

Cat smiled......... and scoffed anything that came his way......... and purred...... and purred.........

Meantime, Bart scowled, cursed and swore.  Mr Mutt retreated to his bed and hoped none would bother him.......  TH succumbed to the viral infection which had probably been out enjoying the Brass Monkeys’ gig at The Ferry last Friday.......

And so to today - Ascension Day.  Next step along the way thru the Liturgical Year.  TH somehow managed to shake off his virus enough to sing, (Miracles certainly DO still happen), but has set off away to The Land of Nod.  Now nearing Midnight, Guest Cat has washed his feet for the night and is hoping to be allowed to stay, please........ Bolshy Bart is at the lounge door feeling unloved and abandoned (and probably hoping for some more supper)......... Mr Mutt has his head down, hoping someone will put the light out......... Domestic bliss.   ChickPea has bored you silly – Thank You for calling by. Have a Great Friday and a Fab Weekend ! 

Bright and Shiny New Bishop of Glasgow and Galloway (photo by Gordon Smith)

High Jinks, Holy Days, Consecration, Celebration and Community

This past week (and more) has been a time of great preparation for Saint George’s Day (yesterday - Friday) and for tomorrow (Sunday). If you are a Church singer-person, a church-flower-arranger-person, a church-server/steward/organist/cleaner/administrator-person, or any other variety of person-in-the-pew-type-person, you may well have insight and understanding of this phenomenon of preparation for a Notable Church Event. The best ones see church folk exploring concepts of community – AND still speaking to each other - as they wield mops, dusters, polish and glass cleaner to ensure clean and sparkling surroundings, whilst administrator-persons type Drafts 1 – 10 of the Order of Service, negotiate the many minefields of ticket allocation, and arrange marquees, seating and coat hangers, and senior clergy meantime dream nightmares of Everything Being Other Than Ideal, and pass sleepless nights planning processions.

Yesterday the Scottish Episcopal Church was adding a new member to our College of Bishops, drawing clergy and others from not only our local diocese of Glasgow and Galloway, but from all over Scotland and – despite the best efforts of a certain volcano in Iceland – a few visitors managed to arrive from across the seas as well to join the gathering.

A Local was wielding his camera, and has produced a most creditable collection of photographs of the proceedings, which you can find here.

The High Jinks continued today as ChickPea weeded and re-arranged pots, and TH heroically wrestled with the lawnmower to achieve the first cut of the season (anyone able to recommend a small but reliable lawn mower ? – our current machine needs to be pensioned off to the Local Dump........).

Tomorrow evening we look forward to welcoming singers from around the diocese to a collective Choral Evensong for further Celebration to welcome Gregor as Bishop. 

Do join us at 6.30pm for the service – you, too, will be most welcome.

New Fire of Easter 2010 (photo: Gordon Smith)

Post on Prayer..........

Episcopalians are often not the most forward in talking about their faith and religious practise – and I confess that I, too, find this quite difficult. But I was talking about prayer in a (relatively) recent post, and I guess there is a certain requirement to follow this with an update........

The series of sessions on prayer reached completion today, and has earned commendation. Carefully prepared and competently presented, it has been a most useful prompt and encouragement, helping to draw the practice of prayer into focus.

As to my personal regular Moments of Quiet that had started so well, and seemed to be taking me forwards into a more positive scenario........... these slipped out of my personal calendar and consciousness with my week away, then lay dormant during the next ten days of infection, and hadn’t yet re-established as A Happening....

In the second to last week the prayer course was engaging our imaginations to ‘join in’ a scene from the Life of Christ – specifically, with the story of Christ preaching to crowds on the shore of Lake Gennesaret, getting into a boat with fishermen who had been fishing all night and catching nuthin’..........
So where was I in this scene ? Creeping quietly into a vacant corner of the boat, mostly out of the way but able to help out a bit if an extra pair of hands was required........... As ‘A Member Of The Team’ ? Well, probably not, because I was loathe to intrude, the central characters being a bit grumpy after their long, cold, hardworking but unsuccessful night......
Well, I guess you know the story........ the boat puts out from shore, Christ tells the guys to cast their nets once more – and THIS time there are more fish caught than the nets can hold, a second boat comes over to help out, BOTH boats seem likely to sink because of the number of fish, but they get back to shore and the fishermen abandon everything - fish, nets, boats – to follow this amazing Jesus Man and ‘become fishers of men’....

I’m not very good at engaging with this sort of prayer. I don’t usually find much of an end result. ‘Interesting’, maybe, perhaps intellectually intriguing (I mean, what DID the situation smell like...... what were the guys talking about ? ....... were they listening to the teacher ? - and just WHAT did they think when Jesus got into their boat in the first place – weren’t they hoping to head off home to bed and get a bit of a kip ? .....and so on) ......... but er, not, actually, personally positive as an exercise.........

Next, the group had a cup of coffee, mulled over the exercise a little, then set off as separate individuals to find separate space in the church and re-visit the scene (or try a new one).

So, here's an empty pew. get comfy. Enter into the head again, fire up the imagination.......... and where am I ?................. overlooking the lake, the boats are there, but everybody else has gone.......... the place is quiet, not a lot happening........ the waves come and go (as waves often do, gently, repetitively.......). Relaxing...... but a bit lonely. Kind of EMPTINESS. Where had everyone GONE ?

So how was this about me, my faith, my ‘religious life’ ? My ‘Relationship With Christ’ even. (I guess you’ll be aware that is what this whole Christian thing is about – ‘Personal Encounter With Christ’ – recognizing the impact this has on your life, and aiming to use this as a positive influence in the way you live your life with everyone you encounter).

Now I SAID I’m no expert about this stuff.......

Anyway – there in my imagination, wondering where Jesus was, I became aware of this remarkably ordinary guy - Jesus - coming to sit beside me and share this vantage point overlooking the scene........ no words, nothing being said, but a most overwhelmingly companionable presence, sitting down next to me, allowing me to lean a little and feel support............ Kinda weird, but comforting.

So - was this just ME, consciously inventing the scene and manufacturing ‘cosy thoughts’ ?

I dunno. Does the ‘how’ matter ? There is a wealth of books out there about this sort of prayer, and so far I’ve read none of them. Will I ? – Dunno.

Have you any suggestions you could share with me?

Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........

Season’s Greetings

Kerumbs.......

Has it really been so long since I blethered on The Blog..... must be. Apologies – I’d not intended to neglect you. I guess the energy has been directed into new job, developing some sort of working relationship with approx 80 working colleagues plus surviving several consecutive infecting Lurgies.......

Anyway......

Here we are, nearing Christmas. Printing problems have made us revert to the ‘D-I-Y Christmas Card’ approach again this year, emailing most of our regular Christmas Contacts.......the postals will have to accept what we could get around the corner........when I eventually get them written and posted............

Yesterday was full of wow factor yesterday. The transformation of the cathedral from the sombre tones of Advent into the pzaz decor for the carol service is visually quite a remarkable feat. However, I’m not sure if I’d ever fully appreciated the integral humour within the transformation process........ but hey – see for yourself by visiting Kelvin’s blog ! (oh, and by the way, there’s a soundtrack too !)

Faith. Fully.

I’m not sure I often wave the flag when I peek over the top of my parapet to gaze askance at the world around me.

I guess I tend to think that my faith is so integral to who I am that I don’t actually NEED to wave the flag about it very often. On the other hand, being a fully fledged cathedral chorister for rather more years than I care to add up, and wardrobe manager to boot, is perhaps a thinly disguised alternative flag that I wave very regularly indeed without noticing........

Tonight’s service at St M’s was a place apart. Faure’s Requiem was the music on offer for All Souls’ Day, and another ‘first’ for our treble choir who joined the regular adult choir for the occasion. And the trebles stepped up to the mark and conjured up a most spectacular ‘Pie Jesu’ for us all. Competently. Spectacularly. Our Director of Music deserved accolades from On High.

But, tho notable, that was far from all we shared this evening. The serving team had paid attention to all the necessary details that most of us are completely unaware of when a good job is accomplished, and the visual gloom that results from too few light bulbs remaining fully operative provided the sort of atmospheric lighting that we generally yearn for at this time of year but rarely quite achieve......

Most seats were occupied in the cathedral, and methinks the shadows were far from empty......

Once again our Chief Pastor demonstrated his liturgical ability by planning and facilitating the whole, and his priestly expertise by dealing quietly, most gently and sensitively with each and every demand of the evening.

This service was undoubtedly One Of Those Times when the step between Here and There was a remarkably small one.....

Good Friday

And some good things happening in ChickPea’s life – tho’ the kitchen has been much neglected…………

Job adverts are still surfacing, allowing incalculable hours to be spent merrily (?) re-jigging CV or compiling application form and letter or email. After the disappointment of the first two applications of 2009 being rejected without even a sniff at interview, ChickPea has been trying to be more philosophical. And has stopped counting. Kind knock-backs have included the insight of 70–plus applicants (even for part time low waged jobs), numerous competitors having perfect previous experience IN a similar role – so an aspiring post-holder like CP fully appreciates they would want to employ the bestest and most ideal candidate…….. (****** !)

Ms Mog is still – ASTONISHINGLY – in residence, frail as a frail thing but eating like a horse, and waking TH and CP up at 5am if she’s scoffed all the food from the night before but is still feeling peckish…….

Chooks are laying well and waking TH and CP up at 6am because chookies got up at dawn and are now bored with pellets and want an INTERESTING breakfast. NOW. (Oh yes – and HAVE you seen my egg – BEST egg in the world – in fact – in the Entire Known Universe !) Aye. Vocal, our chooks……

Voluntary receptionist hours are proving to be great – and filing system activity at S Elsewhere’s is FUN – yes – really fun – and satisfying – providing a sense of achievement and fulfilment - and even a bit affirming for the ole battered ego - and reassuring CP that a career change in the direction of office administration-type stuff really could be feasible (even tho it’s not actually happening yet….)

AND - The most recent blood test for cholesterol was great (seriously !) – with a family history of this calibre, and cholesterol at ‘time bomb’ levels, diet and previous statin therapy making no appreciable impact over several years, it was indeed an excellent moment to discover that current medication and semi-industrial dosage has finally battered the numbers into mid-range scores. So ChickPea seems likely to get a bit longer in the tooth yet, and able to stave off pushing up daisies meantime……..

And so we have got to Good Friday. I highly recommend visiting Kelvin's blog if you are seeking some seasonal food for thought.

An evening - and a morning - with Auntie.......

Last night’s exercise was to entertain Auntie’s Argonauts – that intrepid band from Auntie who quest to produce The Ultimate Sunday Morning Service for the airwaves……...

Yup. The Cathedral is hosting Radio 4’s Sunday morning’s broadcast service this week – ‘twill be Matins (kerumbs – I have to dust off the memory banks to recall last time Chickpea sang Matins – was it at Salisbury in the days of the RSCM Cathedral Course ? Or was it in 1990, visiting all the (main) Cathedrals of Scotland in 24 hrs, singing a service in each, being Matins in both Oban and Inverness (different music for each service ? _ but OF COURSE !), Eucharist in Aberdeen, Evensongs (full choral OF COURSE – weren’t they ALL ?) in Perth and Dundee, with Complines in both Edinburgh and back home in Glasgow – under the scaffolding, and singing ‘The day Thou Gavest Lord, is ended’ – with n’er a dry eye in sight (NB - a 24 hour feat never yet repeated ! – come on next generation !!) – don’t believe me ? - visit Mr Lay Clerk’s blog to see the photographic record of the intrepid choristers involved !)

Anyway. Notwithstanding. So there they were, sorting out ‘timings’ last night, at the regular choir practice, rather than the usual ‘day before’ routine becos there’s an RSCM gathering in the place tomorrow. Sound levels, etc will all need to be sorted out on the day - roll on 7am !

So – if you’d like to invite TH and ChickPea into your home on Sunday morning, all you need do is tune in to Radio 4 at 8.10am. (Or surf the internet and visit the BBC website – either then for ‘Listen Live’, or during the seven days following for ‘Listen Again’ /Radio 4 Sunday morning service – available worldwide !)

Seriously, though, it’ll probably be The Provost preaching, and his sermons are usually well worth being awake to hear – visit the Cathedral’s website at http://www.thecathedral.org.uk/ and find out for yourself !

Have a great day !

The Big Dipper

Yup. ‘Life’. Roulette Wheel. Or Rollercoaster without much fun. ChickPea wishes apologies expressed as her blogging has been somewhat neglected of late. Too much of the ‘Rain’ stuff, too many job applications, much too little positive affirmation, and no interviews………..

Sunday was a bit of a rollercoaster – big service a.m. to celebrate the end of the Church Year with ‘Christ the King’ as the Front Page Headline. Then the AGM. (Happened. No bloodshed. No Public Floggings. Not exactly ‘fun’ – but it was an AGM after all…… ). Then ChickPea was off to an exam….. a kind of ‘first interview’ with the DWP (Dept of Work & Pensions…….)……Don’t think she’d gotten around to telling you about this one……

ChickPea hates – but HATES and LOATHES ‘maths’…… maybe somehow related to her ‘Class 4’ primary teacher who got locked up for child abuse a few years later. She doesn’t remember much of that year or class. Except that THAT was when maths became really scary. Like terrifying. And ‘tables’ became taboo. Suffice to say that ‘maths is not her favourite activity’. So she has been avoiding maths. She knows she CAN do it, especially when it is necessary, and there’s a reason for it, and, let’s be honest, most jobs need a bit, but that she can handle ok. But she doesn’t like having to prove it. So if ‘financial’ or similar appears in the advert, ChickPea….er….sidesteps.

But about 2 weeks ago was the ‘3 months’ Unemployed Point/ Jobcentre Interview’……. I guess it was fairly gentle really. More gentle than ChickPea expected. But her current allowance (which stops in January anyway, as assessed on her 2006 contributions…….. yup, despite 28 years continuous fulltime working and full contributions, 2006 was when she stopped after 6 months to care for DJ……..) – said allowance can be stopped early if The Interviewer thought she’s not ‘all out’ to get a job……… so when she was……um……’encouraged’ to apply for a DWP vacancy, ‘choice’ was not really a relevant word………..

Anyway…….. let’s gloss over Sunday afternoon, noting that failing an exam juggling with numbers, several charts and percentages – despite working as conscientiously, honestly and as carefully as possible, but still only getting through eleven of the twenty questions in the Time Allowed – was not an Affirming Life Experience for ChickPea……… quite the opposite. Empty and Demoralized, yes. To spend precious time in a such a No Win Situation was frustrating. (If she failed, it was a bummer for the self-confidence and morale. If she succeeded, she might get a job, but maths would be an ever-present requirement…… To deliberately Flunk Out would destroy any Personal Integrity…….).

Anyway, Integrity and Honesty Triumphed, but Failure Won. Congratulations ChickPea !

A wet and cold walk back to a preferred/warm/welcoming/newspapered environment for an extravagant G & T (nothing like a place and staff you know well when you have to say, “ok, what’s cheapest, a glass of wine or a G&T ?” !!) and a chilling-out moment with a sparse tear or two.

So, ChickPea was most grateful for the distractions of pre-service ceilidh preparations, a humdinger of an evensong (despite our rend ition of Stanford’s Canticles in E flat….. a new foray into the …..er…… realms of the unknown region…….) for the Bishop’s Celebrations, and then high jiggers in the aisles to round off the day. Even Fun looked in to join the party. Wow. Some day.

But more was to follow. ChickPea had made a phonecall on Friday in response to a local job advert found via the jobcentre on Friday. A lovely receptionist took her name, and said there’d be a followup phonecall on Monday or Tuesday. And on Monday/yesterday there was a phonecall – about a job THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY ! - and an invite to interview on Wednesday / TOMORROW ! No application form, no CV…….. no job description !!! (MOST bizarre ! – but watch this space ! “A job’s a job for a’ that” to make a mis-quote…….)

Wellies' Weather

Whether we want or not, Wellies’ Weather is once more upon us……. Well, ok – you’re right, as usual. Such weather never quite left, did it. Maybe sat down and took a nap for a day or two, but remains with us nonetheless.

The dry hours of yesterday allowed TH and ChickPea to re-do the chooks’ roof and thoroughly renew their (the hens’, that is) carpet of bark chippings, so they now have dry feet again (and if the roof re-do works, this will continue….). Today the chooks are busy digging thru the pile to lay the carpet in a satisfactory fashion for today’s fashion-conscious hens………..

Meantime, Mr Mutt, having been out for his morning paddle, is running free in sunshine in the Land of Nod……..

ChickPea is girding up the lions – sorry, loins - to do ironing. (Lions don’t like ironing, girdles or not). The novelty of job applications is a little thin today, so the steam iron is heating up, the next batch of washing is doing (wonders and miracles of modern technology), and the clean-but-not-yet-ironed-surplices-for-next-sunday-fun is waiting, along with R4 and the SAD light……

The Other will still be ready and waiting tomorrow……. and maybe, just maybe, (Hope Living Eternal an’ a’ that, tho mostly at a different address) The Postie will call by with good news before then……..

And next Funday we have the Scottish Primus celebrating 40 years since his ordination, and 10 years as Bishop. A Choral Evensong Event, to be followed by a ceilidh. Fancy joining us ?

Just a Moment........

What a moment that was for Mr Mutt yesterday. Pity it didn’t prevent the moment that happened later, when he tried to bite The Hand That Feeds Him. It was a very near miss – no blood flowed – but previous trust was shaken to the core, and all in all, a great disappointment overwhelmed us. We thought we were moving forward, but THAT moment raised the old spectres again.

Life is full of moments. And maybe, when we get to the end of it, we will look back and feel a whole lifetime is but A Moment. It only took a moment to sign up for the many who lost their lives in the world-and-subsequent-wars. And for those who Gave Most And Got Little Thanks. And but a Moment for a Life To Pass On.

This is Remembrance Day, and I am so sad that now so many of Those Who Survived have gone, NOW the media is screening so very very many programmes about the conflicts…old film footage……. insights and revelations of mishap and mayhem….…. So much that could have helped Those Who Have Now Gone to find a point of inner resolution, of personal forgiveness, of peace. So many must have been like my Dad, unable to speak of most of their experiences of The Conflict - perhaps fearful of recrimination or condemnation from the generation who followed who had so much in consequence, but understood so little – and who could understand even less when so much was contained, withheld, bottled up. And now it is too late to offer consolation, to offer Love and Understanding. But never too late to gain understanding...........

It was good to Share The Sacrament of Silence of those sacred minutes on Sunday. For A Sacrament Silence Is (or can be). Unnamed as such by The Church maybe, but Sacrament nonetheless. Good that the church now again accepts and embraces the mysticism and ‘magic’ of silence within liturgy. Our services had got very ‘busy’. In trying to be relevant to our daily lives, services not only reflected but became that very same busyness……. And forgot To Reflect. But now we are again given the sacraments of space and silence – and of Refection - and this is good.

ChickPea tried for those moments of silence again today – but as waiting for a jobseeking-related appointment kind of intervened, the moment passed. In her early schooldays she recalls that life would stop for those minutes – traffic would stop, radio would cease, a local bell - or a foghorn, or similar local loud noise – would signal start and finish of the Time for Silence. The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month……….

Many moments have passed. Many more will happen – are happening even now. Good Things, Bad Things. Good – even Best of – Times, and Worst of Times. Some happen Somewhere Else. Some happen to us. Some we share. Some we will never ever be aware of, even when they happened right next to us or around us. Some Moments we have caused to happen, and some we did not prevent, or make recompense for…………Some Good Moments we withheld.

“Just a Moment” ChickPea’s Mum was reported to say, as she passed on. No warning. No time to say more. A while ago now, and many moments have happened along the way since then. Each precious. So precious. Most unmarked, unnoticed. Yet special, and very precious – especially those very mundane or ‘normal’ moments that allow us to breathe, relax, rest, recouperate. Sacredness of the Present Moment.

Take a Moment. Share a Moment. Give a Moment. Even "Just" a Moment. For you.

Reality Shows

What’s this ? Is ChickPea a closet ‘Big Brother’ fan ? Or is she trying to ‘Look Good Naked’ ?

Ha ! – NO !!!!!!

She considers such so-called ‘Reality Shows’ something of a poser. These facile TV programmes seem to show the viewer everything except ‘reality’ – ok, it may be happening ‘now’, maybe even in ‘real time’ - but is so unbelievably contrived that ‘REAL’ is hardly an appropriate description………Unreal maybe…..

No. ChickPea has Something Else in mind. She’s thinking that ‘reality’ shows in so very many ways ….. not just the hard things we all meet in our lives (usually when we’d rather not….), but the kind words, thoughtful gestures, affirming embrace that so unexpectedly manifest……. all of which demonstrate something ‘Real’ about the interaction, the friendship…… something honest……… something true…… something Loving…….. and Lovely.

And, somehow, ‘Real’ will always get through, come to light, be seen…….. ‘show’.

And that, is good. Even five days later, despite all the fog of intervening Life, that is very, VERY good.

And THAT is what we met last Sunday when +Gene visited S Mary’s to both Celebrate The Mystery of Christ (and Christianity) and to preach The Word (and this latter so very firmly based upon the words of the day’s readings of the lectionary).

Both the Eucharist and the sermon were so, SO ‘Real’.

If anyone there had previously doubted the true Reality of the man – let alone of the bishop – meeting +Gene that day, hearing him speaking from the depths of his faith, experience and insight, seeing his pastoral care and concern for several beloved who spoke with him ….. any Such a person, like Thomas touching the nail prints, would have Seen, And Believed……..

And, astonishingly, this particular incident of Reality certainly seems to me to transcend the limitations of recording. (Unlike ‘Big Bro’).

See For Yourself at http://thecathedral.org.uk (on 'Home Page' select 'Spirituality' and 'Preaching') or through the haze from the incense of http://thurible.net

Whistle, and the surplices come running........

There was a partnership blessing today, so the choir were being prised out of their Summer Cupboard, dust and mothballs shaken off, ready to wheel out for the occasion – the cassocks stood to attention, and when ChickPea whistled, the surplices all came running…….. then the singers arrived 10 minutes later…….

And all went well, all was well (apart from the organ sypher during the prayers), and the sun shone on the Happy Couple. Long may Happiness embrace them.

Tonight, TH is away singing in Strathallan.

While TH Cat is Away, Mouse Will Out To Play – yes – don’t tell ! - ChickPea’s having a fling !

Well…. several flings………. with Wally Washingmachine, Herbie Hanger, and Ivor Iron for starters, with C.Rumple and C.Rease muscling in on the action too… (oh dear - she’s evidently got to that age……)

Meantime, Mr Mutt yawns, looks bored and waits patiently for his late night stroll…….

bah.........humbug.........

ChickPea hoped yesterday that today this'd be deleted…. this is what the keyboard came up with yesterday…..

“ Ah Well…….. I guess it was very likely……very likely indeed. Or very unlikely – if you see what I mean…..

“That is, it was very very likely that ChickPea would NOT get the first job for which she got an interview, or very very UNlikely that she would get it……….

“Sorry, it’s 8.30pm at the end of what feels like a very long day……… and it’s dull, overcast and raining steadily……. The interview this morning seemed to go ok, the Interviewers were kind, job description (new role, post expected to evolve to accommodate department requirements) exciting and challenging in all the right ways, the workplace lovely, All Other Staff Encountered were great……. ChickPea thought she would fit in very well indeed, and was very hopeful……….they said they’ll be able to let us know tomorrow……..

“But…….the likelihood is high that No.1 Successful Candidate will actually have heard this afternoon, sleep on it and confirm in the morning ……. hence just the three others to hear tomorrow……..

“So all feels a bit doom and gloom here this evening. I think ChickPea is doing her usual thing of Expecting The Worst, so When The Worst Happens it’s only what she expected…. Ah Well…. I suppose it’s one way……..”

And today ? …….. nuthin’……… jus’ the rain, more rain…….. and more rain……..

Tomorrow we shall sing and celebrate the first Same-Sex Celebration at S M’s, and Sunday we have Bishop Gene along. Good-oh ! If Life Can Be Fair it’ll be sunny !

Responding

After Mr Mutt’s Morning Constitutional, ChickPea was not managing to settle to anything/much/useful. Swimming around the blogosphere was The Temptation That Prevailed. Along the way she stumbled into a few new sites and interchanges which brightened this particular cloudy day.

One of her first calls was to drop in on a listed ‘favourite’ for a chuckle courtesy of Mr Rowan Atkinson. Ah yes – guess the trigger ! - The Lambeth Conference continues to cause ripples way beyond the tents of Canterbury (What a place that must be just now !). Anyhow…….. suffice to say that ChickPea found herself deeply focussed on A Response. A Comment even. The grey and white tangled bundles of neurones quivered with surprise ….. electricity hummed…… fingers twitched……. Keyboard clunked……… and The Result ? -

“Thank God for humour. Sadly I can think of no incontrovertible humour in the gospels, which would utterly reassure us of Christ's full humanity. But I doubt the crowds would've been interested if there was no laughter in Those eyes. I suspect He Himself would be at the front of the crowd with much of today's humour - laughing out loud - and rather than squandering precious time, energy and resources on conferences, would still be found in the street with aids victims, prostitutes, and our usual outcasts. I have a sneaking suspicion that He would embrace honest members of the gay fraternity, and support genuine love - wherever found - with joy”.

Yes, I think that’s what ChickPea both intended and managed to say. She has a number of gay friends – I hope they are happy to be called ‘friends’ rather than ‘acquaintances’ – and is gradually reaching a strong belief that Christ Himself would probably NOT be jumping up and down on a soapbox condemning those who find that Their Best Partner has to be of the Same Sex. Some of my best friends are of my (ie.same) sex. My Beloved Partner is of the Other Sex. Some of my other best friends are of the Other Sex, too, and some feel Physical Attraction to that one, and not my one.

As with Any Physical Attraction, some respond, some don’t. Sometimes you want to, are able to, and do. Sometimes you want to, but choose not to. Doesn’t change your fundamental orientation, nor your God-given wish to share love (in one of Love’s many manifestations).

So what of ‘orientaton’? Does this determine everything about the person ? Is someone any less ‘my friend’ because of it ? Or any less ‘God’s friend’ because of it ? Did he/she choose to be homosexual ? It seems not. Was he/she Created Thus ? It seems so.

Is God cruel – creating beings He will not recognize, will not love ? I THINK NOT.

In fact, it increasingly seems to me that Christ as portrayed would love these same folk as much as He (probably sighs and ) loves those who rant against them. Do Those Who Rant Against ‘The Gay Church’ actually bother to consider they may be ranting Against The Almighty ? – that God may perhaps be even greater than the limits of the Old Testament writings (and maybe even those of The New), and be hoping that we might bother to use our God-given, potentially Holy, Common Sense, Intuition and Understanding in this and other matters which confront us ?

Ah, Great God – how we do complicate things……..

Later on, (still swimming in the blogosphere – don’t tell TH….), ChickPea visited + Gene’s blog (and managed to add this link on the right). If you’ve been noticing any of the media’s machinations about Lambeth recently, you will have heard stuff about this guy, and maybe wondered what sort of a monster he is. So, Thank You Gene for your blog, allowing us to hear your own thoughts directly. He reckons that “ the business of loving the world that God has made, and every person in it, is messy and difficult.” How right he is. ChickPea is looking forward to hearing his voice in person when he preaches at S Mary’s Episcopal Cathedral in Glasgow this Sunday.

Kenny's Gauntlet.........

“So, will this same sex relationship between the chooks be recognised and blessed by the Church?” Methinks I discern within this recent comment arising out of the last blogpost a gauntlet flung down before us............

(Consults The Dictionary : "Church - the collective body of all Christians" )

So – us – us wot identify ourselves as ‘Christians’ by alignment with our understanding of Christ Himself and Holy Teachings - WE could recognize, affirm and bless………… but WILL we ?

....or DO some of us already ? (Is the Church already in dissention on this matter ?)

And is the question restricted to ‘same sex relationship’ ? (Chooks or not)

Is the question perhaps more extensive - about the celebration and affirmation of mutuality ?

(I kinda like this word – it’s a new word to me, but if my understanding is correct, a long cherished concept).

The Dictionary Again: “Mutual – experienced or expressed by each of two or more people about the other; reciprocal ; ……common to or shared by both”. I note that Kelvin’s use of the word seems to embrace a positive affirmation, acceptance and validation of each for the other as well. And this seems to me to get to the very heart of relationship (small ‘r’ intended ) – this is not just about marriage, or committed partnerships, but about all positive, effective, validatory, affirmative relationships…….. I include those more often termed ‘friendship’. Maybe ‘working relationships’ as well. And it perhaps overspills too into everyday life….

If even every passing verbal contact is a simple relationship, and I can invest each and every such contact with an understanding of affirmation, acceptance and validation – what effect could just I achieve…… ? And if the wider Church Universal would consider and practice this – THEN what effect could be achieved ? (Do you ever make real bread ? – yeast and ‘leavening’ came to mind, and the Church’s Given Mission Statement to be leaven in the dough/the world…..)

Religion and Faith start having some sort of a reason – a purpose - now.

If even the very stones of our temporal church buildings accept and rely on the validity of each other, and have stood firm over the years, accepting and transcending the current dissents and disagreements of The Time, surely Holy common sense can teach us /The Church today Tolerance and Acceptance – even tho Agreement may decline to join the party ? Our supposedly esteemed Church leaders could maybe sit quietly and Learn Basics at the feet of The Christ – The One who would, and did, tear down and rebuild ‘the stones of the temple’ in three days as I recall…….

What an exciting prospect for the Lambeth Conference……..

That Holy common sense might prevail imparts Hope…… and if, perchance, Holy common sense did prevail in the extended church it would be Miraculous Indeed…… but it might just need a bit more Love than The Church Temporal is actually willing to acknowledge/accept/practice…….

What do YOU think ?

Of Chooks..... and Church....

Yesterday the chooks arrived. Well, were collected from Jedburgh, and transported back in a quizzical box. With Occasional Noises and Sporadic Pecks. (‘Pecks’ of the beak variety – none of that ‘gym’ and 'effort' nonsense here……)

It was dull and overcast when TH and ChickPea identified The Two Concerned from amongst their sistren (‘brethren’ not being present as they don’t lay eggs….). By the time they reached their new home, the heavens were Precipitating Wet Stuff, so the chooks snuggled down, battened down the hatches, and hoped for Sunshine.

Well, maybe they didn’t get sunshine, but there have been Moments Of Dry today. So ‘Eena’ and ‘Meena’ have discovered Grass, and Sky, and things To Walk Over, and lots of new Things To Eat. And Wind. (Ruffles the petticoats, but is ok).

And they gave us an egg !

While they were busy about All That, closely guarded by TH and Mr Mutt, ChickPea was doing some Catching Up With Herself, kindly supported by Others.

And there was a wee bit of ‘Episcopalianism’ involved too. You’ll have been hearing about ‘General Synod’ (happening Now), and ‘Lambeth Conference’ (happening Soon) in England. National Newspapers are making great sport. Easy for us Piskies to sit back on the sidelines and gawp at much of this. You know how families tend to be……. And need a bit of a reminder, and Help To Reflect.

We got a most thought-provoking sermon this morning. Find it at www.thurible.net - I do recommend a visit if you are willing to engage in a Little Reflection, Thought And Consideration……… with perhaps a willingness to Recognize The Struggles from Another Perspective.