Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........

The BlogBug Is Biting

Great ! ChickPea think she’s evaded capture by the ManFluBug (remember Pride goeth before a fall, ChickPea !) – but the BlogBug seems friendly……. So what’s been happening in this wee corner of the Virtual Universe ?

Headaches and sneezes aside, of course……….

Well, jobseeking continues apace. You know how it goes. You move on from the last knockback, convince yourself you could maybe fit the profile of the next vacancy…… needs a bit of tweaking of the old CV you finally tracked down in a pile in the back bedroom…… (could the sneezing be dust, ChickPea ? – perhaps a…. er…. small possibity ?! )

Remote. (NO, ChickPea – that’s the thing TH uses for the telly……)

Go away……. SORRY – not YOU, dear reader – that Irritating Other that pops up….. Now where were we……..

So you tackle the next Application Form…….. CV handy ….. last application stuff up on the computer (Aha ! – saved a copy – that’s good……)….. cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit and…… (just get on with it ChickPea). OK. Of course, this one requires minor remodelling of the Persona Profile, re-orientation of ‘Dream Demands’, a little brain adjustment to really believe I Could Be This Person. But hey – Of Course I Could. Might Be Fun. Certainly different. Less money too. Of course. But hey – there’s more to life than filthy lucre…… scribble scribble, scribble oops, scribble scribble…….

Hardly was that one away, and Mr Mutt walked for the morning, and ChickPea had to scamper off to sign on. Got there early. Onto computer-like-Thingy to see what jobs we’ll do tomorrow……..Scaffolding Erector ?...... maybe not… Corner the doorman in good time to try and get my documents into the way they do the queue…..

One or two printouts in her paw when she’s called over……some printed accidentally. So, of course, THOSE are the ones he latches onto, no discussion, and trots off to ‘Make An Introduction Sheet’ for……. How Kind. What do we do with these then ? Does she HAVE to follow these up because They Can Trace Them ? Will this stop the net income of peanuts if she DOESN’T follow up ? It’s all a bit embarrassing…… this one was interesting because it was temporary, in an office (new exploration), for just 2 months……. BUT does say ‘Senior Officer’ …… which seems to suggest they’d want someone Who Knows What They Are Doing – not Someone Just Finding Out…….. Ho Hum.

Got home. Made a few phonecalls. (This is supposed to be 'holiday'). Yes, that one needs experience (of the right type. As We Thought). This one’s closing date is today – but not to worry – they’ll email the Application Form and it can be emailed back again. Oh yes – and they’re REALLY glad ChickPea got in touch, and late arrival of details Will Not Be A Problem……….b****r…… no getoutofjailfreetherethen……

But it’s ALL on computer …… it’ll be easy then……..’Allow 30mins to 1 ½ hrs’……doddle even……..

Now this is A Good One…….. Takes The Biscuit better even than Mr Mutt. Not only do they demand the exact pass marks of the ‘O’ levels I took well over … er… 20(ish) years ago, but they want to know which month did the course start/finish, and what board the exams were with…….. NEVER been asked that one before……. How the f*** do we find that one out, then ? ……and I can’t move on in the electronic form without that detail….. Ha ! ...Got It ! ...put “I’m not sure but will find out if necessary”…….don’t suppose they’ll even notice…….(and all for an 18 hours a week ‘career’ at that…….)

But that was not the best bit. OH NO.

ChickPea was due to take TH out on the randan for the evening, about 6.30pm, then Go To Visit A Friend. Starting on it at 4.30pm should have meant it was All Over by then. 6.40pm and still no end in sight. “Should be fine to leave it on till later on, and come back to it” sez TH…… that’s good, because ChickPea can’t see any way of saving it, and as her windup laptop has forgotten how to enter sleep mode, seems feasible………

So. Off they went. Delivered TH. ChickPea off to great evening with Friend. Nice chicken’n’pineapple, boiled rice (chooks’ll love any remaining boiled rice), duck‘n’noodles, veggies (get our ‘five a day’) and prawn crackers…….

Home. 10pm. On With Application. All Seemed Well. Now into ‘Statement in Support of Application’…they insist on more than 500 words, and hope for more than 600 but less than 1000…… WHY did I want to do this ?....... Ah yes…….. Midnight plus fourteen. Go Collect TH. Good evening. Good. Home. Coffee and finish the Startrek episode (a few minutes’ downtime is good for the concentration). Back to ‘statement of…’ All Well.

2.30am, Statement Finished. Polished from several re-workings. Now has right number of words. Excellent. Copy and Paste and move on. Oh. “Too many characters” eh. Why didn’t they mention that, then. OK, whittle down this Excellent Statement…. take out the unnecessary words, re-order/re-word/summarize. ChickPea can do that. Even at this time in the morning she can do that if it’ll get this thing finished and sent. Done. Still too many characters…….. OK. Take out any remaining less important bits……now take out a few more adjectives (Yes – I got my ‘English Grammar’, even if at ordinary level)……… GREAT ! Just under ‘maximum number of characters’. Cut, paste AND MOVE ON….. (Still haven’t got to details of referees….)…… WHAT ? STILL TOO MANY CHARACTERS ! - but there’s not ! She word-counted it……… oh……. maybe they’re counting characters AND spaces……… so we’ll take out the gaps between paragraphs……..No different….. B****r. Over 1000 characters too many. But still over 500 words. That’s good then. Should’ve been in bed hours ago……… more re-working……..some of my best phrases now gone forever. Distillation. Distillation of the distillate. This is frustrating. Now how many ? YES. Cut’n’paste. YES. Done. (4am. Ooops). YES. Nearly done. Click on ‘next’…….

Oh NO !

“Your time allocation has expired. Please return to START.”

This wasn’t a dream.

Holiday Haverings........

What’s a ‘Holiday’ ?……… “Time to rest, relax, recuperate, re-charge, re-create……”

So, here we are. The Hubby has his main holiday of the year. Two weeks away from the office (we’ll overlook the morning he disappeared off for a meeting, and the night out on Friday). So, ChickPea – despite jobseeking continuo – is also (technically) ‘on holiday’. And now we’re nearing the end of the second week…..

And, what ?

Well, if you’re resident in UK you’ll know about the rain…… more rain………even more rain…….. and more rain.

And if you’ve been reading this blog you’ll know TH has spent much of the last two weeks in bed with a flu-like bug which is reluctant to leave, and which has bestowed a ‘post-viral’-like state, just in case TH was beginning to feel any better. This prevented the planned brief trip away last weekend, and guarantees TH a low mood, low morale and misery (luckily, with a small ‘m’ – he does try, very very hard, NOT to be grouchy. Difficult with Man Flu).

I guess this scenario ‘goes with the territory’ of the moment. But it’s a bit disappointing. Certainly Shoots The Muse In The Foot (most successfully !) So ChickPea has been cooking. Again. (Have you tried the Risotto ?). TH is a bit dischuffed she’s spending so much time on her laptop, but ChickPea reckons this is much the same sauce enjoyed by the gander……

(Hope you’re following this amorphous mixture…too much wooden spoon, not enough blender...)

But……. Why does the male of the species use different spectacles when he looks at the female ‘taking time off’ than he uses for himself ? I know he’s ill, but……….

Why is it ok for ChickPea to be houseworking or ‘job-stuff-ing’ when ‘on holiday,’ or (learning to) editing photographs, but not ok to be blogging…… when TH spends hours and hours hisself, editing photos, surfing whoknowswhat, paddling in e-bay, or somesuchlike…….

Sorry, I’m a bit grumpy tonight……… maybe I’m getting Man-Flu too……

Better take Mr Mutt out for his Late Constitutional……. Where’s the brolly ? Nite nite.

Of Wigits, Wotsits and Learning Curves

Grrrrrrrrr ! Grump ! Gurgh-umpf ! Sigh ! Fiddlesticks and Gross Exasperation !

Who Knows (and isn't telling) - but maybe the intricacies (even basics would do for a start) of Blog layout (ok - 'design') will one day be unravelled by ChickPea…….tho 'Not Yet', you already understand........

Maybe - just maybe - the ‘widgets’, ‘feedjits’, 'whodunnits', ‘howonearthyits’ and ‘wotsits’ will actually, eventually be understood, selected and published as intended (rather than happening as Explorations, appearing On Screen as unequivocal Accidents and Then Becoming Permanent and, like Japanese Knotweed, deep rooted and fixed here till everlasting…….)

Please - PLEASE - tell ChickPea - just HOW does an Ignorant Imbecillic Computer Nobody learn all this jargon, get a handle on what is possible, track down a ‘How The F To Do It’ guidebook and tools – and then…. p’raps…… manage to DO it ?

(By the way - answers do not need a postcard – post a ‘comment’ ……….)

Wow ! Wheeee ! Swing from the rafters !

Here’s a lovely surprise ! Have to share it. ChickPea has an interview next week !

(Well – she also has one tomorrow, Part II re ‘Jobseeker’s Allowance’ or whatever it is that they now call the former ‘Unemployment Benefit', but we’ll forget that one, because if it’s anything like the Part I phone-referral that she made yesterday, then I’m sure she’ll be wanting to forget it ASAP – filling in such an insensitive form yourself is one thing ........ ‘Are you looking for work ?' - yes.... 'Are you able to take up work ?' - yes.......... 'Have you any disability ?' - No........ 'Do you have any injury that would stop you working ?' - WHAT ? - NO .....'Are you waiting on any disability claims ?' - NO...... 'What have you been doing’ – fulltime carer for DJ who has just died’……’Have you been receiving any benefits ?’ – yes, Carer’s Allowance which has now stopped….. ‘Why are you claiming this benefit ?’ – because my Carer’s Allowance has now stopped…’Why have you stopped your previous allowance ?’ – because DJ has just died.…’How did you know about this benefit ?’ – because I’d previously been working for the last 25-odd years and paying my state contributions on the offchance that there just might be a time when I wasn’t working and needed to claim unemployment benefit….’When are you claiming from ?’ – well, DJ died on the 13th, and I’m told that my allowance stopped straight away, so I guess I’m claiming from the 14th…..’When did you start looking for a job ?’ – well, from about the 16th when I contacted DHSS to notify them of DJ’s death and heard that my allowance had therefore stopped 2 days before…....‘WHY were you not looking for a job sooner ?’ – because I was looking after DJ who has just died…… SCREAMS….. quietly….. being asked exactly the same unwieldy insensitive no-brainer questions over a poor phone link, in a very fast indistinct voice with a strong indiscernible accent is really no joke……).

But there – I guess it wasn’t really her fault………

So, we’ll forget the hoops of tomorrow, and today we’ll swing from the rafters with joy in readiness for next week………… this was the very first application………. even if one of the other 10 (probably) candidates gets it, it’s still a boost for ChickPea’s morale to get called for interview so soon…………

Monday again........

Ahhhhhhhhhhh…….. THAT’s better !

Now – what is ChicKPea talking about ?

Is it that DJ slept better last night ? – He DID, as it happens – right thru from about 12.30mn until he was heard coughing at 6.30am…….. and then he tried to get himself up, so had to be lifted up off the floor at 7am….. But – see what a difference those 5 hrs’ sleep made for ChickPea – you’d not recognize her today after that grouchy thing you’ve been meeting over these last few days……. !

Is it that DJ kept his clothes on last night, so that Disseminated Trouble Was Averted ? – Well, it could well be, because he did and it was. But there is something else too…….

There was something ChickPea didn’t tell you last Monday, because it was much much too mortifying….. especially as she thought for most of the day that it was a really GOOD day, and we cooked up a fine Risotto if you recall……

But last week she actually had 2 appointments on the Monday morning……. Carefully organized to synchronize. Firstly at the doc’s for a (fasting!) blood sample (aye – skyhigh cholesterol runs in her genes, and trying to curb the dietary intake isnae working, nor wiz the previous type of statin tried….). Then away jus’ roun’ the corner to the hairdressers……. Had she remembered on Sunday night and been fasting she jus’ might have remembered and it would have been ok….. as it was, there was no recall at all until mid-afternoon, when she checked her diary about the arrangements she thought were for Friday ………..

Ooooops.

I blame the tiredness, myself. I think, had she been getting enough sleep and been on the same planet as the rest of us, and somewhere near sanity of mind, the appointments would have been attended. Hey ho.

So………What is the answer ?

The Answer Is – she got her hair done at last ! (Similar feeling of achievement as mowing the lawn…….. not that her hair is green, or anything……)

The Way It Is Going........

Not good. Not at all good. Unless a miracle happens to reverse current trends, it is increasingly looking as if DJ will need to be in permanent residential Care over the next few weeks (maybe days) rather than the months that ChickPea had been anticipating.

At midnight last night, again at 6am and again at 8am DJ had to be picked up off the floor of his bedroom. No evidence of specific injury, but certainly increasingly bruised. Wasn’t really managing to stand, let alone walk. Maybe that will have improved by the time he wakens. He was wanting to get up at 9.30am, sat up, took some fruit juice, then wanted to lie down again……. so having replaced his pyjamas, ChickPea made it so……..it is now 12.30md, and he’s still sleeping………

Dementia, of whatever type/cause, is a horrible thing. The Professionals used to persuade us to get DJ up in this situation, and not let him sleep on. On the basis that he would be less likely to sleep the next night. We trusted and believed The Professionals. So we did. And DJ got more and more tired, more and more anxious and fretful, more and more unsettled at night. It all got so desperately distressing for DJ, TH and ChickPea that we stopped, reassessed. And decided to Trust our Own Instincts. And let DJ stay in bed late (sometimes – ‘outside arrangements’ mean he sometimes has to get up at 8am – sometimes 7am). But Lo ! The Situation Improved (for a while). So now I Say To Others – Trust Yourself !

Sadly, as TH pointed out, caring for Someone With Dementia is an uphill learning curve. You just get to managing to cope with The Requirements…. And These Change. So you cannae cope so well until you’ve struggled a bit with the New Requirements….. and then you get to cope again…..but then All Changes Again……… Struggle Again……. Cope Again…….. Changes Again…..

That’s what it’s like for us. What the heck is it like for DJ ? He never was a great one for communicating or sharing his experience, and the dementia is steadily – and increasingly quickly – eroding his ability to think, to relate to himself, to relate to us. His speech has been deteriorating this last week. Saliva escapes more and more of the time. Balance, stance and movement are disappearing almost as we watch.

Nothing can prepare the Nearest And Dearest for that. But for us, none even tried. Just this week I found the ‘Seven Point Scale’ of Dementia, on the excellent Altzheimer Socy website (I’ll try and tag it on the blog, but I’m not good at these things yet…). Perhaps I should have been more proactive and spent more time researching these things for myself. But I was (attempting) caring for DJ…… but NOW we know that his condition ticks all the boxes for ‘Stage 6’ and several of ‘Stage 7’……… there is no ‘Stage 8’ on this earth. So why – WHY – when I have asked The Professionals to give us some clue about his level of dementia, have they just shrugged and said, “Well, you know it is difficult…” HA ! you don’t say. And how many big bucks are they being paid, and just why should the relatives be expected to jump thru’ technical hoops to access the official case record notes to find out what any decent Professional (I speak as a Professional) should expect to deliver to Relevant Others as a basic factor of Good Professional Practice….. ?

The GP seemed somewhat unmoved and unconcerned when she was in 2 days ago. Didn’t want to know how – if – we are coping. After all, he is 95. But so what ? I’ve known 98 year olds with a good quality of life. Age of itself shouldn’t be justification for poor quality of life – or poor care. I am very concerned that maybe - just maybe - Things Could Be Better for a wee while with a little tweaking of the medications. GP wouldn’t consider that without a blood test….. so the District Nurse would have to come in to do that another day…… How come the GP, who was here, couldn’t/wouldn’t just do it there and then and it’d be in process ? Oh no. (But surely that costs the system even more, getting someone else all the way along to the house to spend another 5 mins getting a blood sample, as well as at least another 24 hrs before the results will be available ?).

Sorry. ChickPea worked in Acute Areas of the NHS for well over 20yrs and knows how the system wastes money by such illogical behaviours – and care of the patient is compromised by so many stupidities of The System. If The Professional concerned will think outside of their box and push the system, you find it is made of stretchy stuff that WILL actually accommodate better – even best – care for the individual. But The Professional has to work much much harder to achieve that result now compared to 20 yrs ago……. And now we have a new generation of Professionals, who perhaps have never actually seen ‘best’ care to even know that it can be possible…..

Anyway, the blood sample eventually got taken yesterday. 24hrs was probably within ‘targets’…….

Sorry. This has been A Rant. Sadly, a Very Necessary Rant. I’ll try to do better next time…….

SLEEP (3) - or feeling blue........

Or lack of it……… this must be seven consecutive nights now of significantly interrupted sleep……. and ChickPea, for one, is not doing ok. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were all multiple repeated awakenings with no obvious cause. Thursday was a night to forget, with a shower the only option to clean DJ up about 5am……. washing machine on all day Friday. On Friday we identified that there was an infection, and DJ started antibiotics. Signs are promising that these are working. Saturday morning DJ again woke the household up about 5am, Sunday morning it was 6am…….. and now, about midnight Sunday night he just will not go to sleep – out of his bed every 5 mins……... It’s like he’s doing everything in his power to stay awake. He’s had the melatonin…… the warm, sweetened milk, the biscuit, the hot water bottle…… the dark room……. the room with the door open and the hall light on so’s he knows he’s not alone……. he’s been to the toilet….. WHAT am I missing ? ………on the basis that if he won’t sleep and wants to be up he may as well BE up, DJ is now thru here in the front room with me………. TH is trying to get to sleep upstairs…… I’m trying to stay awake downstairs until DJ finally goes back to bed and gets to sleep……

Any suggestions ? (They do need to be legal……..)

We have been trying to arrange a next Respite break for the end of June……. The SW has known about this for best part of a month……. told me last Thursday she just can’t find anywhere…….. she had tried just the last 2 places that DJ has stayed ..........

So I started telephoning around again, and by the end of the same day had found a possible place….. we just need to visit them this week to be able to confirm details…….. here’s hoping……….

Sleep (2)

Remember our daytime herbal tablets experience ? Well – before we found the daytime ones, we discovered ‘Nightime’ versions.

Again, we only discovered these in desperation because traditional medical approaches not only failed us completely, but dramatically increased the ‘not sleeping’ problem.

And again, so long as we didn’t try to use them every night, but just as a ‘fallback’ to achieve the occasional ‘satisfactory’ night, we got fairly good results. Not 100% you understand.

And then, reading DJ’s newspaper one day, there was this article about melatonin. A natural part of human bodily functioning, natural ‘normal’ levels increasing at night to help sleep. Noted to often be depleted in the elderly.

So – we tried to discuss it with the psychogeriatrician when we had a meeting about the difficulties we were having trying to live with DJ’s disordered sleep. He didn’t know anything about melatonin. Clearly didn’t WANT to know about melatonin. Certainly didn’t seem inclined to think it would offer any benefit. Maybe The Time Had Come to put DJ into Permanent Residence Somewhere. End of meeting.

This is Why You Need Confidence In Your Own Abilities as a carer.

Back to the Internet (a few weeks later - when we were again getting desperate, having discovered the benefits but also the shortcomings of herbal tablets). And what did Computer Whizz Kid, TH find ? – you guessed it, Melatonin. So we got some. And we tried it. And we had nearly 2 weeks of fairly normal sleeping for DJ (and us). Miracle of Miracles.

That was Then.

Now we’ve just had 4 nights of very disrupted sleeping. TH and I find this Very Difficult. DJ doesn’t – he usually gets allowed to sleep for bits of the day just to Help Survival Of The Carers. Today T from Crossroads was in for the afternoon, and had to contend with DJ demanding to go to bed from about 2.30pm……. We finally let him go to bed just about 6.30pm……. then he was up out of bed about every 20mins and pestering to get dressed from about 7pm, determined it would be morning if he wanted it to be……finally made him sit up with us at 9pm……but still not wanting his bed at 11pm...... it’s now 11.34pm and we’re hoping he’ll settle this time……

Has been at least partly related to Gut Gymnastics....

The melatonin continues. Last night I re-tried one of his previously-successful-before-Respite-abused-it herbal tablets……

……. SURELY he will be so tired tonight he will sleep……

Memory - or lack of it

DJ’s memory isn’t any more – well, not his short term memory. This brings endless frustration – not for him, because he doesn’t tend to remember that he can’t remember – if you see what I mean.

If You Live With Dementia you will know this one.

Like me an’ TH, you will no doubt find it difficult to understand, and astonishingly difficult to remember that DJ doesn’t actually mean to forget, nor intend to frustrate us. I’m also absolutely sure that he doesn’t intend to irritate the heck out of us. But, I confess, it happens.

So, for example, he forgets that he is getting dressed, and takes his clothes off again when he was almost fully dressed ……. like this morning when I nipped thru to the kitchen to check the porridge wasn’t burning – only to get back to him and find the tie off, all the buttoned shirt buttons undone again, shoes off and All Systems Go For Bed – an unbelievably reliable occurrence when getting him up to meet a deadline !

So how – HOW – when he is so so good at forgetting everything, does he remember the ‘Recurrent Themes’ ?

Like “When am I going home” ?

DJ goes to a Dementia Day Care Centre - well, it's actually the assessment centre, but there seems to be nowhere else that will accept him for day care now – our local Specialist day centre expelled him for being disruptive during his probationary six weeks……. fortunately the assessment place is being kind enough to us to keep him going along Mondays and Fridays at the moment………..

ANYWAY…. the staff deal with DJ’s repetitive “When am I going home ?” question by putting numerous pieces of paper in his pockets saying such as ‘we will take you home at 3pm’. What they don’t want to know is that after he gets home here this very self-same question continues over and over and over again for the next 3 hours or more……

I remember the last time TH took DJ back to his former home in a more northern city – where DJ had lived fifty years and more, and where TH lived and grew up – a well-kent place. But DJ was completely lost, couldn’t find the bathroom in the 2-bedroomed flat, wandered, fretted, wouldn’t settle or sleep…… so poor TH gave up on the Intended Tasks, headed back southwards and arrived home here absolutely exhausted after their 36 hours away….

Dementia is a poor trip. “Home” does not seem to be a place that he can go to for DJ any more, but a desperately vivid, unobtainable dream……….