Sorting Socks..........

One of the delights of a life NOT working as a clinician in a busy city hospital, is waking up on a Good Friday morning, and knowing that you do not have to go in to work. That you can have a bit of a lie in listening to the radio, a relaxed breakfast, a few hours of ‘morning’, and then the option of attending the 3 hours’ service. After working with the NHS for 28 years non-stop, this awareness still arrives with surprise, and a certain degree of pleasure.

This year, an unexpected phonecall both gave great pleasure and resulted in an earlier breakfast than anticipated. Thereafter, the Gathering Of Household Chores were clamouring for attention.

So it was that the Sorting Of Socks became paramount.

CLEAN socks can be disciplined in a drawer, resting - but ready for immediate action. After wearing, amassing socks awaiting communal cleansing can be hidden away – discreetly - in a laundry basket. Clean but damp socks will be found festooning the best drying areas available, until adequate dehydration has been accomplished.

The next bit is where the process dawdles. Serried ranks, sock upon sock, shoulder to shoulder, of multitudinous vintage, sex. patternation and colour need to be re-united with a twin........which MUST be there..........SOMEWHERE........

However you tackle it, there is a need to Sort Socks. Maybe you sort them as you hang them to dry. Or pair them up as you take them down. Or take them down in a heap and sit in the sunshine Sorting Socks.

In the early days of the ChickPea/TH household, TH found Christmas to be A Time Of Socks. Seasonal Santa Socks, and the like joining and re-invigorating the party on a regular basis. (Such Socks may not be ‘cool’ in the office, but they brighten up a dull morning when you’re hanging up socks to dry, and make ‘pairing up’ a doddle). After several years of easy Christmas shopping for ChickPea, TH put the foot down and Such Socks Seest – sorry, ceased.

Hence, drowning in the mire of Sorting Socks, ChickPea overlooked both the little hand AND the big hand reaching 12 on Good Friday, so crept in late to the 3 hour service. Woops.........

(We’ll need to track down some of these racy numbers with patterned heels and toes that were out and about at the Foot Washing on Maundy Thursday).

Post on Prayer..........

Episcopalians are often not the most forward in talking about their faith and religious practise – and I confess that I, too, find this quite difficult. But I was talking about prayer in a (relatively) recent post, and I guess there is a certain requirement to follow this with an update........

The series of sessions on prayer reached completion today, and has earned commendation. Carefully prepared and competently presented, it has been a most useful prompt and encouragement, helping to draw the practice of prayer into focus.

As to my personal regular Moments of Quiet that had started so well, and seemed to be taking me forwards into a more positive scenario........... these slipped out of my personal calendar and consciousness with my week away, then lay dormant during the next ten days of infection, and hadn’t yet re-established as A Happening....

In the second to last week the prayer course was engaging our imaginations to ‘join in’ a scene from the Life of Christ – specifically, with the story of Christ preaching to crowds on the shore of Lake Gennesaret, getting into a boat with fishermen who had been fishing all night and catching nuthin’..........
So where was I in this scene ? Creeping quietly into a vacant corner of the boat, mostly out of the way but able to help out a bit if an extra pair of hands was required........... As ‘A Member Of The Team’ ? Well, probably not, because I was loathe to intrude, the central characters being a bit grumpy after their long, cold, hardworking but unsuccessful night......
Well, I guess you know the story........ the boat puts out from shore, Christ tells the guys to cast their nets once more – and THIS time there are more fish caught than the nets can hold, a second boat comes over to help out, BOTH boats seem likely to sink because of the number of fish, but they get back to shore and the fishermen abandon everything - fish, nets, boats – to follow this amazing Jesus Man and ‘become fishers of men’....

I’m not very good at engaging with this sort of prayer. I don’t usually find much of an end result. ‘Interesting’, maybe, perhaps intellectually intriguing (I mean, what DID the situation smell like...... what were the guys talking about ? ....... were they listening to the teacher ? - and just WHAT did they think when Jesus got into their boat in the first place – weren’t they hoping to head off home to bed and get a bit of a kip ? .....and so on) ......... but er, not, actually, personally positive as an exercise.........

Next, the group had a cup of coffee, mulled over the exercise a little, then set off as separate individuals to find separate space in the church and re-visit the scene (or try a new one).

So, here's an empty pew. get comfy. Enter into the head again, fire up the imagination.......... and where am I ?................. overlooking the lake, the boats are there, but everybody else has gone.......... the place is quiet, not a lot happening........ the waves come and go (as waves often do, gently, repetitively.......). Relaxing...... but a bit lonely. Kind of EMPTINESS. Where had everyone GONE ?

So how was this about me, my faith, my ‘religious life’ ? My ‘Relationship With Christ’ even. (I guess you’ll be aware that is what this whole Christian thing is about – ‘Personal Encounter With Christ’ – recognizing the impact this has on your life, and aiming to use this as a positive influence in the way you live your life with everyone you encounter).

Now I SAID I’m no expert about this stuff.......

Anyway – there in my imagination, wondering where Jesus was, I became aware of this remarkably ordinary guy - Jesus - coming to sit beside me and share this vantage point overlooking the scene........ no words, nothing being said, but a most overwhelmingly companionable presence, sitting down next to me, allowing me to lean a little and feel support............ Kinda weird, but comforting.

So - was this just ME, consciously inventing the scene and manufacturing ‘cosy thoughts’ ?

I dunno. Does the ‘how’ matter ? There is a wealth of books out there about this sort of prayer, and so far I’ve read none of them. Will I ? – Dunno.

Have you any suggestions you could share with me?

Hen-y Thoughts

The chooks are getting much happier as Spring enters the year, and we are now daily finding three eggs from between the four of them. Warmer ambient temperatures are doubtless a factor, along with longer daylight hours, and increasing amounts of sunshine – plus getting out to roam around (and trash) the garden. Last Friday they got the double whammy of OUT plus SUNSHINE – considered by Eena and Meena as ideal ingredients for a spot of dust bathing. Myna and Moe, meantime, were more interested in scratching about to find any unexpected edible goodies (we’ll not go any further in pursuit of the details). Mr Mutt was sleeping in a sunny spot near the hedge (a good place to dissuade local foxes from visiting), and Master Moglett was bouncing about, climbing trees, chasing shadows and eating the crocuses.

The whole scene was so relaxing, household chores got put on ‘hold’ and ChickPea sat on the dustbin for half an hour.

See the focussed effort invested in dust bathing ? Phenomenal ! And much as you may doubt the ability of a feathered face with a beak to reveal any expression whatsoever, those two hens were in seventh heaven in a state of sheer bliss.

The mind freeflows in sunshine.

First thing in the morning, the hens tend to shout a fair bit – until we appear and reassure them that they are not forgotten, not being ignored, not being taken for granted, and not going to miss breakfast ! In fact, their positive response to any attention, however fleeting, is quite remarkable.

Quite a lesson for relationships, really.

Wiz Needin’ Time Oot..............

Life has been fairly non-stop over the last few months. Energy levels have been up and down like a yo-yo........ great that the ‘ups’ are kind of happening again, but the recurrent low energy factor means that household requirements have been mostly on ‘hold’............... All in all, much like a ‘post-viral’ picture............ noting there have been plenty of recent viruses to choose from ! TH appears to have been getting the evening low energy experience too, and also has a recent history of recurrent infections.

Wiz more than Time Fer A Break. Aye, you could say that. We were both needing time to sleep, read, sleep, eat, sleep, take Mr Mutt for his constitutional, sleep, eat, sleep.............

Last 3 occasions we’ve had the time booked to do just that, the Health Horrors have struck, plus or minus Winter Weathers, and all hopes of ‘holiday’ have run aground. So, booking time away from work at the beginning of March seemed like a safe bet for being past the main risks of these...........

Ha ! The road North of our holiday destination was BLOCKED by snow just two days before we were due to leave ........ and then TH developed the sore throat, snuffles and green grot indicating another infection.........

NONETHELESS, we decided we were ‘All Systems Go’........... an’ off we went to sunny Perthshire.

I jest not.

Wall to wall blue sky and the most glorious SUNSHINE from awakening to sundown, Monday to Thursday (inclusive) – and who’s worried about a bit of ‘dull’ on Friday when you’re heading home anyway !

The snow was still lying, deep (about 3 foot of it), crisp (low overnight temperatures keeping it frozen enough that the sheep were toddling about on the top of it safely, with little risk of finding how deep it was), and pretty even really.

We were staying the first few days in a fine cottage near Pitlochry, and were most grateful to find that the steps and path up to the cottage had all been beautifully cleared of snow. The three feet of frozen snow and ice between the car (parked as close /as far up the drive as we could get) and the bottom step seemed of little consequence – tho’ was quite enough to fell ChickPea, luckily without injury. That’s now been three unexpectedly close encounters with terra firma over the last two years – more than enough to emphasize the ‘ageing’ factor, and bring to mind the transitory nature of Life’s brief candle.

There was then some serious pampering of the taste buds on the banks of Loch Tay with the same excellent accommodation, high class service and friendly welcome that had so impressed us on our first visit last year.

This is now the second week back to work after the holiday, TH having been off sick from Wednesday lunchtime with the bug that finally took hold once we got home (thankfully didn’t ruin his holiday). So now it’s my turn. As the choir has a date with the BBC for recording on Friday evening, I hope it moves on rapidly..........

A Thought for Today

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
- Anonymous

BirdWatch Weekend

This is the last weekend of January, and the RSPB has again requested an hour spent counting birds. So here I was, between morning service and evensong, relaxing in our lovely conservatory, yawning in the sunshine I confess, and counting all sizes of feathered visitors. And keeping young Monster Mr Mog under lock and key, of course. His birdwatching is certainly enthusiastic, but seems likely to have a rather different ‘end agenda’ to that requested by the RSPB............

We had fully stocked up the feeders and bird table in the glorious sunshine this morning, knowing it’d be this afternoon before I could sit down for the count. And then, at last, the time had arrived.......

What a rare treat these days.

When DJ was with us he loved sitting out in the conservatory, a great addition to the house that greatly increased our quality of life by enhancing our regular awareness and contact with the Outside World. When DJ first moved in he would spend most of his day, every day, sitting out here and enjoying the visits of so many different bird species. When he needed constant care it became a great treat for me to be able to sit down and share this haven with him. But as his dementia steadily got worse, DJ sadly lost touch with such gentle peace and pleasure from the creatures around him.

Yes. Today it was good to spend time in the conservatory.

TH and I have been very aware that the numbers of our garden’s feathered visitors have been declining over the last few years – but what a shock to realize that we have had fewer than twenty birds visiting over this last hour, with a group of just five birds (chaffinches, as it happened) being the largest group at any one time – as opposed to several years’ previously when counting eight or more birds at a time before they flew off was a real challenge.......

So what DID we find this year ? Sadly – no collared doves, no starlings, no blackbirds, no house sparrows...... and, sadly, very few others. Just two robins, one magpie, one great tit, one coal tit..... I nearly stopped counting early, too – but it was worth waiting for those very last two minutes of the hour – those final moments fleetingly brought a second bluetit AND a second long-tailed tit into view and into my final figures – both of these were in groups of several birds together last year.

All thanks to the RSPB for their work and attention to these lovely creatures..........

Re. (1) Wrestling With Dragons, and (2) Being Still.......

A second run of the ‘Exploring Prayer’ course started at the church this last weekend. I’d intended joining the first one, but was just starting the new job at that time, and didn’t apply in time for the well-oversubscribed series. This was probably A Good Thing, as any new job demands time and energy and application. A new focus on prayer at that time would probably have been a Step Beyond both where I was at or able to be....... realistically.

Last week was not an easy one. Now into the fifth month of the no longer so ‘new’ job. The honeymoon is over. I guess that entering this area of territory is inevitable at this stage of a job change of any sort, and hopefully indicates positive elements of ‘Engaging With The Journey Involved’ and ‘Making Progress’. Maybe...

General scenario of the job is that I work with two (jobshare) High Heidyun’ Bosses, and a full-time deputy boss. One of these is fantastic to work with, one is willing to listen (sometimes - seems likely we’ll find a mutually acceptable and satisfactory working relationship). For the third one I RAPIDLY need to find coping strategies to ensure my survival. (In the middle of last week I seriously lost the will to live, let alone to keep tramping onwards).

In consequence, part of each week is jus’ great, fulfilling and increasingly satisfying, and part of each week is fairly horrid.

The Twosome HHBs each work three days, overlapping midweek, and – I guess – both trying to fit a full five-day working week into the three days available.........

The Deputy Dawg appears to have the dog’s own tasks of ‘making good’ the whole caboosh, meeting both his own task list and agenda, and ‘being there’ for the HHBs and for the office staff (two if fully staffed). Elderly Parents is a factor too. I understand something of that......

Much of the office function is achieved through the Awesome Efforts of a committed team of volunteers, currently somewhat stretched in number, with ongoing recruitment and training being integral to office business. In addition, I encounter probably about seventy other folk who regularly pass through the office each week needing administrative support and assistance, and these are all – I think without exception – very lovely people, and all a joy to work with, for and alongside. (No – I didn’t say ‘perfect’ – but then which of any of us could claim that accolade ?). And, too, there are the clients, prime focus of the whole endeavour, who arrive, phone in or otherwise require some time and attention.

There. The scene is set. Not an overwhelming demand, all in all, and the entire reason that there is a job to fill in the first place. A Fine Job. A Good Job. A Job Worth Doing (in my estimation).

So, stepping back to view the landscape, the picture is generally a good one. Working difficulties with one, well, one-and-a-half people out of a working total of approximately a hundred a week, is probably not too bad........ statistically speaking, that is.........

My Dragons crept out from under the rock-solid personal view that I was – presumably – given the job on the strength of my past experience and demonstrated previous ability, personality and potential to both fulfil the current and anticipated requirements of the job. At interview, I understood from what was said by both HHBs, that they were keen to gain my insights and energy to assist ongoing accomplishment and forward progress.

This last week I was gobsmacked to receive fundamental criticisms of both my basic personality and of my semiconscious stress responses......... (yup - yet another infection again at the beginning of the week, then the usual episodes of extreme to near overwhelming demand on the office brought the Stress Dragon into play too).

There also appeared to be the assumption that I needed - and should accept as valid - precise dictatorial directives re how to perform really quite basic tasks (despite many others repeatedly complimenting me on both satisfactory and sometimes exemplary task fulfilment within strictures of resources). The concept of accepting that this HHB – who I respect enormously – considers it right and acceptable to take such a stance in making such criticism, produced billowing smoke and fire-breathing monsters in my head. Especially when said criticism was described as ‘Support’..... and any attempt by Muggins Me to advance any discussion was criticized as evidence of ‘Problems Accepting Authority’.

I fully appreciate that there are many personal and professional demands upon each of us, and that these may – appropriately or inappropriately – impinge upon our various working relationships.

I am also sure that I am unlikely to effect any significant change in working practice with this Dragon, who is co-incidentally of the previous generation, set up the office in the first instance (many years ago), and clearly carrying demanding responsibilities for the place.

As you may have gathered, all this stuff from last week was very much to the forefront of my awareness as the ‘Exploring Prayer’ session started. This did not really feel like the ideal foot to be standing on, as you may suppose, work issues demanding attention, trying to clarify the personal issues and questions involved, and clearly needing some immediate personal coping strategies. Attending to ‘Prayer of Awareness’ seemed a little unnecessary..........

As well as a certain amount of necessary talking about prayer, ‘Quiet ‘ tends to be a feature of a gathered group’s prayer experience.

Hhhhhmmmmmmmmnnn.........

‘Quiet’ can be amazing. ‘Space’ can be helpful. Things can well up from unexpected places, and may come into focus. Tears are a common factor within prayer for some people. Phrases may arise, maybe with a relevance to daily life.

Over the last few years I have encountered the phrase “What Would Jesus Do ?” This has felt something of a personal stumbling block, partly re. Cool Phraseology, partly through ‘Jesus’ /’sibling’ tensions as opposed to ‘God’/’parent’/comfort perceptions. Over this last weekend, this formerly irritating phrase has been buzzing around my head, and changed to become more of a gentle prompt and support. The search for the relevant question to address seems to have found a solution.

My own current Question appears to be ‘How do I proceed?’. The answer to WWJD? appears to be ‘Prayer’.....

Life is a Learning Process..........