Tuesday.....

What a glorious sunny day we had yesterday for the Public-holiday Monday ! Hope you had good weather and a good weekend.

Was a Good Day here – TH and Mr Mutt were finally recovered from the Major Upsets they had experienced after eating a hotdog on their trip north to pursue necessary dealing with DJ’s flat. A hard enough job at the best of times. Anyway, Much Was Accomplished before the Unexpected Onset on their way home, and 48 hrs later recovery was progressing nicely.

Meantime DJ, Ms Mog and I chuntered on fairly steadily. Did I tell you that the hearing aid has finally arrived ? Wax prevents full reliable functioning – but (hopefully) that will get sorted out by the GP on Thursday. (Same problem with last 2 hearing aids – each time we waited weeks for the District Nurses to come along and sort out the wax problem to optimise hearing function and Quality Of Life……… when they finally arrived, they insisted there Was No Problem and – as guidelines say ‘don’t syringe’ – guess what ? – they wouldn’t syringe…….. I’m now told the wax is very deep and tho softened by our regular use of ear drops, will continue to further compromise DJ’s compromised hearing until it is cleared – either by syringing, or by an ENT Specialist picking it out bit by bit……….) Meantime, we now have a fair chance of DJ hearing SOMETHING – though no guarantee of him either listening or responding……

So – it was worth trying the church service on Thursday – all went ok – so Sunday morning was also feasible. Bless his heart, DJ managed very well indeed ….. for the service. A Very Kind Lady from the congregation cheerfully decided she would look after him so that I could sing in the choir, and they managed very well together. DJ followed the service ok, stayed awake, and seemed pleased to be present. Cup of tea after. All Well.

And then there was a wedding. Needing the choir.

This was Not Ok for DJ. …… I guess I had been too optimistic, and hoping for Too Much.

There was no way we could risk disruption to such an important occasion. So TH stayed to sing (Tenors being in Short Supply just now), and DJ and I went off and grumped in the nearby park. Not sure who’s temper tantrum won – but it was all verbal – and we both survived…

And now it is an overcast and somewhat grim Tuesday….. DJ did not sleep well thru the night – kept getting up, for no apparent reason - just wouldn’t settle. So I let him sleep on this morning. Now he’s up, breakfasted, and Stomping About In A Grump. The zimmer bangs against everything, the door handles get pulled about, the feet drag and the vocal sound effects deserve an Oscar. And, sorry – but I’m not exactly The World’s Best Nice Thing this morning.

We’ll get the S.A.D. light out after lunch and play dominoes………..

Friday.....

End of a week – or start of the weekend ? Ha – there’s a question !

DJ started his day today in typical ‘Friday’ fashion – impatient and very very grumpy. How does he do it, when he basically has no evident awareness of which day it is…..

Waiting for the Day Centre transport is always a trial on a Friday. This morning he wanted to solve his impatience with the waiting by going back to bed…….. ChickPea was NOT popular for disagreeing with this decision…… Attempting distraction with yet another cup of tea didn’t really work – though did help his fluid intake for the day.

But the herbal tablets ‘to relieve anxiety’ presumably took effect eventually and helped him through the morning, as he seemed pleased to be going out when the transport eventually arrived, and the staff did not complain about his day when they brought him home. Great things, these. But disappointing that like so many things over these months, they have been a ‘last ditch’ finding. I tend to expect such things not to offer benefit, and sold merely as a money-making prop for the hypochondiacal . But I’m revising this opinion.

We tried the ‘standard medical solution’ to this problem of anxiety/restlessness/agitation (which all too often progresses to the disaster scenario of actual aggression) – in fact, I think we tried most of the sedatives available to modern medicine. The first dose of anything was usually helpful, but thereafter we were into a deteriorating and disintegrating downhill spiral of horror…….. And each time that he’s been admitted to hospital he has rapidly been not only sedated but seriously over-sedated in their efforts to control him…….. You can imagine the heartache of then trying to prove that he can be fit enough to get home, and that we can manage him ok at home. (At the moment).

Being a health professional – even from the ‘front line’ – has not gained any special privileges or credibility in these situations. If anything, you see the staff glaze over and stop listening…..

So, in desperation, in effort to try and continue home care, I tried these herbal panaceas.

And DJ seems happier, and better able to cope. TH is less aggrieved and better able to cope. And I am certainly happier and better able to cope.

And ………very keen to keep their effectiveness by not over-using them. So I try to use all the methods of distraction that I can think of, keeping the herbals in reserve as a ‘fall-back remedy’. This means that we end up using them just two or three times in a week. (And have to remember NOT to give them over to Respite placements….. when we did that they used them every day and they stopped working……. and we had to track down another herbal formulation that did work…..)

I’m not sure that I can finish this with ‘they all lived happily ever after’………. but the herbals are certainly helping at the moment.

Dotty

DJ was looking a bit grumpy. Often happens when he feels neglected – I’d been trying to learn how to blog, and then getting lunch. Oh yes – and no sunshine. Net result, DJ feeling low and neglected.

Well, life is much too short for that, so out with the SAD lamp to offset the weather, and out with the dominoes to stop him moving away from the light ….. and to keep his eyes open. Helps the SAD light take effect.

Do you play dominoes ? DJ does. For hours and hours and hours if he gets half a chance. And, miracle of miracles, concentration is never a problem when he’s playing dominoes.

It looks easy. Easy Peasy. Especially when you’re just playing against Someone With Dementia.

Forget it.

Eight games, and he hammered me every time. Even when he had a handful of doubles. I tell you, the Force is with him. And he knows it. There’s that wee smile creeps across his face. Makes it all worthwhile.

But he still tells the day centre that he can’t play dominoes and doesn’t want to learn……….

Shaving

So there we were, DJ and I, in his bathroom this morning. ‘Caring’ requires intimacy.

Many generations of ladies have no doubt mastered the intricacies of shaving the male of the species. I am making progress.

Slowly.

TH grew a beard because shaving was not a favourite pastime.

I now better understand.

DJ used to shave most competently, but his new shortcut of scraping at his face with a dry blade was causing an awfu’ mess, hence I eventually reached the conclusion that I’d better help out. ‘Dementia Guidebooks’ advocate helping The Someone Affected to do it for themselves…….. but that is only possible for so long. They don’t tell you that.

They give you the pleasure of Finding Out For Yourself. Nice.

Over these months I have discovered You Need Confidence In Yourself. Your instincts can usually be trusted. I guess new parents find this out The Hard Way too. Take Courage Carers.

We shall doubtless meet that one again along the BlogWay.

PS. Any shaving tips to assist technique ?

Sunday 18th May

Ah well – it was worth the try.

I have a ‘regular commitment’ on a Sunday morning, sharing part of ‘Layclerk’s’ former life. DJ was a part of that too, with the support of wonderful friends during the service. Then we had Disaster Sunday when DJ ended up in hospital having collapsed – that was a few months ago. He is a lot better now, and had his hearing aid arrived as hoped, we were going to once more attempt Plan A - The Excursion. But sans hearing, it would be a very long morning for him…...

So Plan B was next – get DJ up, breakfasted, settled with the newspaper and dozing in his chair, and TH and I would slip out for the 2.5 hours, get home ASAP and take DJ out for his lunch……..

Yesterday, when TH and I were both here all day, DJ slept…….. from 7pm Friday night, until I got him up for his breakfast at 11.40am Saturday, with just brief ‘ups’ at 10.20pm, 5am, 7am…… he then slept in his chair as often as my back was turned, getting increasingly angry that I wouldn’t let him go to his bed…….. about 5pm we took him out on wheels to the park (no – not on rollerskates – tho there’s a certain attraction in the thought….), and he had a bit of a walk as well – not very willingly, I’m afraid, but ‘Taking Exercise’ is An Important Requirement. So we managed to prolong ‘up’ until about 6.15pm. Even – just – managed to achieve the minimum of 2 litres intake required for the day (always more difficult at a w/e). So at last to his bed …… another good night (especially for us) re just up at 11.30pm and settled quickly….. and Plan B seemed like a real possibility……..

No chance.

The proverbial ‘cat on hot bricks’ would not have rated even close at 9.15am when we needed to leave. So – Plan C - TH left on his own. Again. I should be used to this sort of personal disappointment by now. Getting out on a Sunday is one of my Support Activities. Hasn’t been possible several times recently. Maybe ‘Hence The Blog’.

That this level of activity and restlessness usually links with DJ’s WC needs is usually of little comfort – his awareness and control of such is decreasing too. Part of his care needs. And so it was today. About 10mins after TH left – and now he’s dozing and dreaming – and looking for the ball at his feet that he’s convinced I threw just now………

Thank God for the Sunshine. It helps. Enormously. Have a Nice Day.

Communication

One of those wee things in Life that we Take For Granted. When we can, that is.

Domino Joe was a sheet metal worker, and now has significant hearing loss – or, as he would put it “Ah’m deef” (not a spelling mistake, but his accent). He usually has a hearing aid, wears it when I or TH put it in and turn it on – but then DJ still outwits us because he rarely listens. But that’s another story.

A result of his last ‘Respite’ stay was losing his hearing aid. So we are awaiting his second replacement within a year.

(A previous ‘Respite’ put that hearing aid into the washing machine. It didn’t do too well. They wanted US to claim on OUR insurance ! We didn’t. Eventually they did.)

Meantime, ingenuity rules – gain DJ’s attention, devise a way of holding his attention and of delivering required information. Did he understand – yes – but not what you said – marvellous the alternative versions he can find. Try again…..

If you do – or have – lived with dementia, I am sure you will know about this.

We mostly get thru this problem with a 'write on/wipe off' board - marvellous things (except when the pens all run out at the same time and you've not bought any spares......). Saves trees.

For the 'Regular Reminders' we use printed and laminated sheets. Saves Carer.

We should have gotten his new hearing aid yesterday afternoon. But – well – you’ve guessed – No. So another w/e without DJ hearing…… but also – look on the bright side – another w/e for Mr Mutt without the Whine Which Beats All Whines…….

Ha !

I was right - the gremlins were lurking to flummox me !