" 4 and 6 words"

Yes – ChickPea remembers she made a promise. At that time, the words which collected together to describe where she was at were “rested, balanced(ish), trusting, pensive…….”. Basically, ok.

Since then TH and ChickPea have been having to face the stark current realities of our life, and recognizing the minefield which has to be traversed. Realistically, for DJ’s care, there is no other choice. And reluctantly, very reluctantly and very sadly, TH and ChickPea are taking the first steps for him into the minefield……..

Now it has to be 6 words, and these have to be “very sad, utterly realistic, very many tears……….”.

You can see or guess where we’re at. ……….

Weighty Matters

DJ is no lightweight (The Falls Prevention Team weighed him about 6 months ago and pronounced him too heavy – but, honestly, is it really appropriate to put a 95 year old on a weight-loss diet ? He always loses weight whenever he is in Respite anyway, like 4 holes-worth of his trouser belt - so it was reassuring to think that with a wee bit extra of him there might be something of him left to get home after such ‘breaks’ away).

But as you have gathered from previous postings, he’s been falling a lot over the last few weeks. Like 2-3 times every night. Getting him up off the floor at 2am is not easy. But it’s not just the weight factor. He increasingly does the exact opposite of what you have asked him to do, or otherwise does the most unhelpful thing you can think of. Now we KNOW this isn’t intentional – that it is yet another aspect of his dementia - but at 2am in the morning it just made the whole situation so very much more difficult…….

The last few nights before he went into Respite were essentially ‘good nights’. Only had to scrape him off the floor twice between 9pm and 7am……. Somehow he has evaded severe injury….. Somehow, so have we…. Though TH has an almost permanently bad back, and despite ChickPea’s back easing off when she stopped working for the NHS, there have been twinges…… and now, with DJ still away in extended Respite, her back is being very troublesome indeed…….

Meantime, back to the main topic. ChickPea herself would very much like to Whittle Weight Off Own Waist. (what waist…?..). We are gradually managing it with Mr Mutt, who became decidedly podgy for a while – and he is now bouncing much more often when he’s out for his constitutionals. (See him this morning – WOW !) ChickPea had hoped the regular exercise would do it for her too – but no…………. Meantime PK has proven that weight loss is possible and done an incredibly good job in trimming down. Looks great and seems to have settled now into his new shape (tho not sure if he’s bouncing like Mr Mutt). Quite Inspirational. Had hoped it might be a ‘catching’ thing…….. but no sign of it so far……….

In ChickPea’s teens/twenties/even thirties she had absolutely NO difficulties with ‘overweight’ or even 'minor flab'. Now it just won’t budge.

Any handy hints/ top tips ?

The Tender Touch

How often do you touch someone ? Anyone ? How often are you touched ?

The world seems to divide into 3 groups over touching – those who touch readily, those who just don’t – and those who are learning to touch…….

ChickPea grew up in a family which didn’t touch each other very much at all. There Were Reasons For This which became known very much later. But it meant that she found physical contact very VERY difficult. Anxiety would arise. Didn’t help the teenager find friends. Didn’t do much for the ‘twenty-and-thirty-something’ desperate for a partner.

But teenage years did introduce 2 very lovely people into ChickPea’s life who were ‘Touchers’. They touched everyone – in an honest, unaffected, positive, non-threatening, kind, affirming sort of way. And she learned to cope with being touched. And Life became more positive. And gradually, she realized that Life could be further enriched by touching others.

When she moved away from home to a far city, ‘being touched’ happened less often. But she was now training to be a professional ‘toucher’ for others. When she finished training, and gained confidence in her work, she developed a deep respect and awareness of the therapeutic aspects of touch. Assessing how to best touch each and every patient was a challenge – but respect, care, encouragement and affirmation were all clearly part of the contact experienced. Touch people in the right way for them and they responded positively, did what they were asked and they got better ! – they even got well and left hospital. If ChickPea got it wrong, or ‘inherited’ people who had been touched less than kindly, they would not co-operate, and treatments were difficult. What was great was when people who initially found such contact difficult discovered they could cope with being touched, and they recovered too.

For some, recovery was never going to be possible. But for them, Touch was still therapeutic, and positive and caring and kind and oh – so very welcome. They often needed to touch, in thanks.

Out in The World Outside, the population still has anxiety about ‘touch’ – well, I guess it is about the implications of touch, really. If you but read the news you know how ‘Touch’, in all its inherent innocence and purity, has been and is being abused. Many people ‘back off’ if they think you might touch them.

I guess that’s maybe where Christ’s disciples were at when Jesus was in a crowd and Someone Touched His Cloak. The disciples just didn’t quite ‘get’ it. That there is touch, and touch. That you can bump into someone, and nothing is shared, nothing is gained. But there’s other times…….

And there’s times…….. some times……… when all you want is to be touched, or to touch…..to be held, or to hold. And you long that the ‘dare to’ be transformed into ‘ok to’.

Oh the Sheer Joy when able to find such trust, caring and kindness in a friendship. That you can share a hug, and hold and touch, is just so, so precious and so very wonderful a thing……….

Touch. One of the 5 Senses. A God-given gift.

Yes, ChickPea still finds ‘touching’ a challenge.

Mistress Mog

Ms Mog has lodged a complaint. As Most Senior Addition to ChickPea’s life (pre-dating TH even), Ms Mog reckons she should have had a blog to herself by now. ……. So here we have it.

Ms Mog was a tiny black 6-week old kitten when she joined ChickPea’s life. Like most (all ?) kittens she spent any time awake dashing about or eating….. or using her litter tray. Just 6 weeks old – and never an ‘accident’. When she wasn’t awake she was usually crashed out on ChickPea’s lap. She was gorgeous.

Then she turned into a wee monster – or was it a teenager ? No longer would she allow ‘cuddles’ – or even being picked up. ‘Red in teeth and claw’ would be accurate. ChickPea was Having Difficulty With Life – Ms Mog, nonetheless, was a good reason to come home. In the middle of the night, when she got lonely, or cold, she would sneak up onto the bed, and just Be There.

Various vivid memories from those early years – including the time she jumped out of the kitchen window and landed on a seagull ! She stopped catching birds after that one – they don’t come much bigger than that round these parts.

When she was 6 years old we moved out of the one-bedroomed flat into the current abode – and she chased squirrels for a while until the delights of spending all day lounging in the sun took over.

At about seven years old she decided that a cuddle might be ok. It took her over 2 years to learn how to make herself ‘lap-shaped’ – night-time snuggling up being her speciality. Starting with just enough inches on the edge of the bed and progressively stretching and pushing to make the folks give her more room…….. and over the years she has perfected this trick - we now wake up in the morning to find she has commandeered at least 1/3 of the total available space…..(lucky we got ourselves a big bed, eh !)

She had a fine life then, waited on for breakfast and supper, central heating, out for 10-20mins constitutional (out the back door, into the neighbour’s garden, up the side of the house, across the front, up our drive and in thru the back door). What more could a cat want ?

About May 2006 she decided she was Now The Upstairs Cat. When carried downstairs she would kick and complain. If taken out to get a breath of fresh air and sunshine she would stomp off and disappear for 4 hours. Upstairs is her domain, Thank You Very Much. (Unless there’s prawns……)

She’s now a wee wisp of a thing, but feisty yet, and still demanding her share of the bed. We may be into her last chapter, but we’ve not yet got to the Last Word. ChickPea will miss her.

Fluid Balancing

No – NOT like ‘balancing plates’. ( Thankfully. As my general balancing abilities prevented me ever managing to stay upright on rollerskates, ‘Damp’ would become a Permanent Feature ).

As it transpires, this relates to the amounts of fluid taken in versus given out by an organism. ( In this case, DJ. One of his Essential Needs That Arrived Unexpectedly And Started All This. Caused by a fundamental mechanical drainage problem which reached and passed the state of no return, and a longstanding slightly impaired renal function).

Fluid Balancing tends to mean lots of tempting, cajoling and measuring to achieve the minimum intake requirement of two litres each day. And a fair bit of Ingenuity to make it a tolerable requirement for DJ. And good humour. And a basic ‘O Grade’ in addition.

Tuesday was a Fairly Good Day. By 3pm we’d already reached 1875 mls.

(It may not seem like much of an achievement to you – but believe me !)

That’s the ‘Input’ part of the equation. Easy to talk about. As DJ has difficulty tolerating anything around his body that he wasn’t born with, then the ‘Output’ is perhaps a little more ticklish to consider. Many people will tolerate (I use this word carefully) a tube which is inserted into the appropriate orifice and left in place (known as an ‘indwelling urinary catheter’) to drain into a collection bag which is hidden under clothing. This is then changed every few months by a professional such as the district nurse, with care and hope to avoid infection. If someone really will not tolerate this method, their ‘waterworks’ can alternatively be managed by gently slipping a simple catheter in as and when necessary – and then taking it out again. Needs a clean and careful technique, but it is really not difficult. As this is most usually done by the person for themselves, it is called ‘Intermittent Self-Catheterisation’ (ISC).

But The System remains doubtful that anyone would/could wish to do this for themself, and is absolutely convinced that no-one could possibly consider doing such a thing for someone else. That this method is commonplace for many people with spinal injuries (for example), does not seem transferable to care of the elderly so far as the system is concerned. Former colleagues of ChickPea suggested this management approach might be possible for DJ, were she willing to do it for him. Given that her job had required doing far more horrible things to ill people, she was willing to give it a try – so long as DJ was in agreement. He was. And TH. He was too. But The System ? – Took a bit of convincing, I can tell you ! (Not the nurses – they were great – very supportive and encouraging, and taught her over the next 3 days, and we got DJ home within the week – after a month in hospital of very difficult ‘person-management’ for both DJ and the staff concerned – and not just a few bruises, either).

Anyway – that’s how we do the ‘Output’ bit, usually about 3 times throughout the 24-hr day, measuring of amounts being necessary, adding up the day’s production and then comparing this with the day’s ‘Input’.

Now. For DJ to stay elsewhere requires they have staff who can do this technique. Does it seem obvious to you ? (Try telling the Social Worker……there’s several stories involved, but maybe another time…….). Anyway – the end result of this is that there are very VERY few of the ‘Respite’ facilities hereabouts which can cope with ISC. And because of the (dis)organized expertise of the Social Work system, there is apparently no database involved for listing the ‘Respite’ premises with such skill. Oh No. Each place has to be phoned, and asked.

Our experience of this is that if the Social Worker actually manages to arrange a Respite bed it will be somewhere that is not able to cope with either DJ's stage of ‘dementia’ or ‘ISC’. She assumes the district nurses will pop in and do the necessary, 3x/day for 7 days (or whatever). ! This thought causes apoplexy for the district nurses. (And for TH and ChickPea). Now that we are wise to this, ChickPea finds it most successful to track a place down herself, and get SW agreement thereafter…..

And I think – after 18 months of searching for a place to stick with – we may have found it. And that is where DJ is staying for Respite this time. And they even phoned yesterday morning to tell us that he had fallen on the floor during the night (what – only once ? – a miracle !), and that his fluid output at his late session was as good as we could hope. (Somewhat more reassuring than a previous place who had put him into hospital without telling us…….. they’d mis-copied our telephone contact details from the printed sheet we’d given them………).

DJ appears to be in the safest of available hands. We live in hope.

A Second Gauntlet.......

Kenny reckoned I’d thrown down a gauntlet with my ‘A-Z’ challenge. So here’s another to get the neurones whirring……….

“Describe yourself in 4 words” ..........OK ..... 6 if you must………

Last week I think I would have had to say “Tired, grumpy, frustrated and anxious”……….. But then on Sunday night DJ started to sleep a little better, and this continued both Monday and Tuesday nights. Last night he was away to ‘Respite’ – so TH and ChickPea awoke after an unbroken sleep of 8 hours – WOW !

“So describe yourself today, ChickPea, in 4 words”……..

I will – but I’m still working on it……..

Central Heating - in June !

It was a bit chilly this morning. Especially at 8am when Chickpea really REALLY had to wake poor DJ up……

Can you believe it – his first really decent sleep for about 5 weeks (from about 7pm – 2am, then from when he settled about 2.30am, and he was still sleeping soundly at 8am ! What bliss ! What a most wonderful gift to TH and ChickPea ! What a most generous answer to prayers – Thank You Kenny and Others…..) – and then he had to be woken up because the District Nurse was coming round early to repeat his blood test, and a ‘sitter’ was due at 8.30am because ChickPea (FINALLY – after near on 2 years, and repeated asking) had the chance of a training session about how to look after someone with Dementia…(!)……

I confess, ChickPea would dearly liked to have let him sleep longer………and should have got him up at 7.30am……….. but it was a bit chilly.

Yesterday and the day before were so gloriously warm and sunny, ChickPea was out in the garden in her equivalent of ‘shirtsleeves’. Domino Joe (DJ), meantime, was adamantly cuddled up in his jumper and fleece, determinedly staying in the conservatory, absolutely convinced ChickPea would be catching cold……..

So this morning he had the heating on for getting up from his bed. Ha ! - couldn’t you just do with a full time carer too !