Livin' an' Lernin'

ChickPea’s havin’ a nite in tonite. All Alone. TH had to go away to a conference. HAD to get by without his Trubble n Strife. (or did he mean ‘had to get away from’…..?) Anyway. Poor Love. Up before 7am, and a long long drive (with his boss). Miles away into the far blue yonder. Back of Beyond. Far far away (St Andrews). Poor thing. He’s having to ‘make do’………… with the hospitality of ‘The Auld Course’……….HUGE bedroom. Many-course supper. And booze. Don’t you just weep for him ? !!!

Anyway……….

Telly’s on. And she’s getting some edukayshun…….. Wot’s this ?

Presented Physiological fact: Female body has…. WOT ! …… LESS water than yon male ? An’ THAT’s why she’s not allowed as many units of alcohol as his nibs, ‘cos HE – being more water, dilutes his intake more efficiently……….

HA ! So much for ‘equality’, eh.

Just as ChickPea thought. All that ‘politically correct’ stuff about ‘gender’ and ‘God’ becomes significantly more suspect….. such a dire and fundamental (here meaning ‘basic’) unfair inequality MUST prove ‘God’ to be male………..

The Big Dipper

Yup. ‘Life’. Roulette Wheel. Or Rollercoaster without much fun. ChickPea wishes apologies expressed as her blogging has been somewhat neglected of late. Too much of the ‘Rain’ stuff, too many job applications, much too little positive affirmation, and no interviews………..

Sunday was a bit of a rollercoaster – big service a.m. to celebrate the end of the Church Year with ‘Christ the King’ as the Front Page Headline. Then the AGM. (Happened. No bloodshed. No Public Floggings. Not exactly ‘fun’ – but it was an AGM after all…… ). Then ChickPea was off to an exam….. a kind of ‘first interview’ with the DWP (Dept of Work & Pensions…….)……Don’t think she’d gotten around to telling you about this one……

ChickPea hates – but HATES and LOATHES ‘maths’…… maybe somehow related to her ‘Class 4’ primary teacher who got locked up for child abuse a few years later. She doesn’t remember much of that year or class. Except that THAT was when maths became really scary. Like terrifying. And ‘tables’ became taboo. Suffice to say that ‘maths is not her favourite activity’. So she has been avoiding maths. She knows she CAN do it, especially when it is necessary, and there’s a reason for it, and, let’s be honest, most jobs need a bit, but that she can handle ok. But she doesn’t like having to prove it. So if ‘financial’ or similar appears in the advert, ChickPea….er….sidesteps.

But about 2 weeks ago was the ‘3 months’ Unemployed Point/ Jobcentre Interview’……. I guess it was fairly gentle really. More gentle than ChickPea expected. But her current allowance (which stops in January anyway, as assessed on her 2006 contributions…….. yup, despite 28 years continuous fulltime working and full contributions, 2006 was when she stopped after 6 months to care for DJ……..) – said allowance can be stopped early if The Interviewer thought she’s not ‘all out’ to get a job……… so when she was……um……’encouraged’ to apply for a DWP vacancy, ‘choice’ was not really a relevant word………..

Anyway…….. let’s gloss over Sunday afternoon, noting that failing an exam juggling with numbers, several charts and percentages – despite working as conscientiously, honestly and as carefully as possible, but still only getting through eleven of the twenty questions in the Time Allowed – was not an Affirming Life Experience for ChickPea……… quite the opposite. Empty and Demoralized, yes. To spend precious time in a such a No Win Situation was frustrating. (If she failed, it was a bummer for the self-confidence and morale. If she succeeded, she might get a job, but maths would be an ever-present requirement…… To deliberately Flunk Out would destroy any Personal Integrity…….).

Anyway, Integrity and Honesty Triumphed, but Failure Won. Congratulations ChickPea !

A wet and cold walk back to a preferred/warm/welcoming/newspapered environment for an extravagant G & T (nothing like a place and staff you know well when you have to say, “ok, what’s cheapest, a glass of wine or a G&T ?” !!) and a chilling-out moment with a sparse tear or two.

So, ChickPea was most grateful for the distractions of pre-service ceilidh preparations, a humdinger of an evensong (despite our rend ition of Stanford’s Canticles in E flat….. a new foray into the …..er…… realms of the unknown region…….) for the Bishop’s Celebrations, and then high jiggers in the aisles to round off the day. Even Fun looked in to join the party. Wow. Some day.

But more was to follow. ChickPea had made a phonecall on Friday in response to a local job advert found via the jobcentre on Friday. A lovely receptionist took her name, and said there’d be a followup phonecall on Monday or Tuesday. And on Monday/yesterday there was a phonecall – about a job THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY ! - and an invite to interview on Wednesday / TOMORROW ! No application form, no CV…….. no job description !!! (MOST bizarre ! – but watch this space ! “A job’s a job for a’ that” to make a mis-quote…….)

Wellies' Weather

Whether we want or not, Wellies’ Weather is once more upon us……. Well, ok – you’re right, as usual. Such weather never quite left, did it. Maybe sat down and took a nap for a day or two, but remains with us nonetheless.

The dry hours of yesterday allowed TH and ChickPea to re-do the chooks’ roof and thoroughly renew their (the hens’, that is) carpet of bark chippings, so they now have dry feet again (and if the roof re-do works, this will continue….). Today the chooks are busy digging thru the pile to lay the carpet in a satisfactory fashion for today’s fashion-conscious hens………..

Meantime, Mr Mutt, having been out for his morning paddle, is running free in sunshine in the Land of Nod……..

ChickPea is girding up the lions – sorry, loins - to do ironing. (Lions don’t like ironing, girdles or not). The novelty of job applications is a little thin today, so the steam iron is heating up, the next batch of washing is doing (wonders and miracles of modern technology), and the clean-but-not-yet-ironed-surplices-for-next-sunday-fun is waiting, along with R4 and the SAD light……

The Other will still be ready and waiting tomorrow……. and maybe, just maybe, (Hope Living Eternal an’ a’ that, tho mostly at a different address) The Postie will call by with good news before then……..

And next Funday we have the Scottish Primus celebrating 40 years since his ordination, and 10 years as Bishop. A Choral Evensong Event, to be followed by a ceilidh. Fancy joining us ?

Just a Moment........

What a moment that was for Mr Mutt yesterday. Pity it didn’t prevent the moment that happened later, when he tried to bite The Hand That Feeds Him. It was a very near miss – no blood flowed – but previous trust was shaken to the core, and all in all, a great disappointment overwhelmed us. We thought we were moving forward, but THAT moment raised the old spectres again.

Life is full of moments. And maybe, when we get to the end of it, we will look back and feel a whole lifetime is but A Moment. It only took a moment to sign up for the many who lost their lives in the world-and-subsequent-wars. And for those who Gave Most And Got Little Thanks. And but a Moment for a Life To Pass On.

This is Remembrance Day, and I am so sad that now so many of Those Who Survived have gone, NOW the media is screening so very very many programmes about the conflicts…old film footage……. insights and revelations of mishap and mayhem….…. So much that could have helped Those Who Have Now Gone to find a point of inner resolution, of personal forgiveness, of peace. So many must have been like my Dad, unable to speak of most of their experiences of The Conflict - perhaps fearful of recrimination or condemnation from the generation who followed who had so much in consequence, but understood so little – and who could understand even less when so much was contained, withheld, bottled up. And now it is too late to offer consolation, to offer Love and Understanding. But never too late to gain understanding...........

It was good to Share The Sacrament of Silence of those sacred minutes on Sunday. For A Sacrament Silence Is (or can be). Unnamed as such by The Church maybe, but Sacrament nonetheless. Good that the church now again accepts and embraces the mysticism and ‘magic’ of silence within liturgy. Our services had got very ‘busy’. In trying to be relevant to our daily lives, services not only reflected but became that very same busyness……. And forgot To Reflect. But now we are again given the sacraments of space and silence – and of Refection - and this is good.

ChickPea tried for those moments of silence again today – but as waiting for a jobseeking-related appointment kind of intervened, the moment passed. In her early schooldays she recalls that life would stop for those minutes – traffic would stop, radio would cease, a local bell - or a foghorn, or similar local loud noise – would signal start and finish of the Time for Silence. The Eleventh Hour of the Eleventh Day of the Eleventh Month……….

Many moments have passed. Many more will happen – are happening even now. Good Things, Bad Things. Good – even Best of – Times, and Worst of Times. Some happen Somewhere Else. Some happen to us. Some we share. Some we will never ever be aware of, even when they happened right next to us or around us. Some Moments we have caused to happen, and some we did not prevent, or make recompense for…………Some Good Moments we withheld.

“Just a Moment” ChickPea’s Mum was reported to say, as she passed on. No warning. No time to say more. A while ago now, and many moments have happened along the way since then. Each precious. So precious. Most unmarked, unnoticed. Yet special, and very precious – especially those very mundane or ‘normal’ moments that allow us to breathe, relax, rest, recouperate. Sacredness of the Present Moment.

Take a Moment. Share a Moment. Give a Moment. Even "Just" a Moment. For you.

Running in front of the wind

Mr Mutt and ChickPea were out in the local park this morning, it being that time of the day and Mr Mutt requiring his constitutional. Light levels were dull, very dull. The clouds were low. ‘Overcast’ and ‘blustery’ were words that might describe the weather. Mr Mutt’s eyes were shining, and he was clearly looking for an excuse (or an order) to run. “I’m a sheepdog”, he seemed to be saying “I need to run”.

This is perhaps the first time he has been so open and direct with ChickPea – up until now it has been the apologetic sideways look, with a certain reluctance to go anywhere other than firmly (hmmmmnn......, ‘doggedly’ might be more accurate) by the side. Occasionally a certain, “I suppose I could go over there a bit if you really don’t want me”. Or the opposite - a rather bolshy attitude of doing his own thing regardless (“who do you think you are – I don’t need you”). But rarely this near-Happy, apparently Relaxed and Getting On With Life ‘Cos It’s OK. Freedom. Not yet the sort of ‘joyous’ that ChickPea associates with a settled and happy dog. But much, much closer than we’ve seen since he came to live with us in September 2006. Now 26 months ago.

It’s all progress. It is good. Sunshine would have been wonderful – but was not to be then. But now – ah, yes – NOW there is a hint of sunlight creeping through the clouds. (Perhaps going out for the shopping will be next on ChickPea’s Agenda).

And Mr Mutt ? Tired, shining eyes, happy smile, wet, muddy and flopped out in the kitchen.

Yes. Mr Mutt ran……and ran………and ran………….and…….ran.

Re-View

Lots happening. Rowan Williams. Sunshine. All Saints. All Souls. ‘Thin stuff’. Chewy stuff. Ingredients for The Kitchen. Much of it currently half-baked. Still cooking. And yes, there’s probably currants in the mixture as well. And a chicken or two……….

Tired........

Very tired tonight. Another interview today – not a post that ChickPea wanted to go for, but the Powers That Be (and that can influence The Allowance) were very very keen (well insistent, really) that her CV go in for this one. She feared repercussions if she refused…… (And a bit dischuffed - after all, an average of an interview a month doesn’t seem too bad over these past 3.5 months since Unemployment moved in. And 18 applications submitted over the 14 weeks as well. OK – no room for complacency, but not really needing the sort of kick up the wotsit and compromise of personal integrity that this has all felt like. . ….. )

So they put it in (was due in when Jury Duty was happening, was found just about the day before and she really had no opportunity to do it by the deadline).

Herself was not keen for an interview for a job she doesn’t feel suited for .... and, guess what ? (Ha ! But of course ! )

So – re-jig the brain: decide to be pleased to have got to interview ….. and commit to it…..determine to give it a best shot and be as honest to self as possible……

(but what if offered ? – go with the flow - a job is a job, after all, and pennies ........engage with dilemmas over that if it ever happens)…….

Trouble is, all the other applications ARE, in fact, jobs she’d really like and want to commit to……….

Anyway. So what happened ? Interviewers at the end of their afternoon who seemed to think it was all a bit of a joke, really…… (we all waited and expressed concern while the interviewer couldn’t read her questions and fussed about her contact lenses)…….. And despite best shot, ChickPea didn’t really feel she’d got a clear sight of the target, so it all came out rather woolly, really. Disappointing feeling. Didn’t feel like ‘her best’. Never mind. Maybe it means future engagement with this one won’t have to happen…. Expect to hear by the end of next week……. With a second stage scheduled for mid-November for successes from today…….. (So time for other things to show up in the interim…….)

But see the amount of energy this has consumed in preparation, not sleeping and not getting other things done…….

Not the best start to the evening. No matter. If she ever wondered why she Cathedral Sings, ChickPea knew something of ‘why’ tonight. Not the most inspiring of repertoire either, nor the greatest of rehearsals, and most of us seemed somewhat jaded. But there was still That Something that carried her through the evening to an OK place.

And tomorrow……… what tomorrow ? There’s a few possible jobs left from the last search……. and the requirement to scour the newspapers at the local library and computer search again at the jobcentre….. so let’s see if she can get another application in before the weekend………..