The Lark Would Have Stayed In Bed...........

And so would ChickPea if she’d known what she would find at 4.30am......... I shall try to save you from the goriest of details – but I need to talk about this.

Today – when I am first writing this - is Friday 6th June.

Today – when (if ?) I am publishing, will probably not be 6th June – because I think this will need a few re-workings to make it an acceptable blogpost.

We haven’t really tackled the ‘Bowel Behemoth ‘, have we ? Carer’s Of The World Understand This. When you take on the role, no-one thinks about The Jobbie Job. But sooner or later, there you have it – the Task That Needs Someone To Do It – and The Responsibility is ALL YOURS. Probably at 3am in the morning. (Or 4.30am). When there’s Others Asleep that you really don’t want to disturb. When you can’t think, let alone Plan A Strategy to sort out the situation …..(where do you start ?)

Cleaning out the cat litter tray or Dealing With The Dog are very gentle preparatory tasks. VERY gentle. I used to work in a busy Intensive Care Unit – sometimes we were dealing with a bed full of **it. This was certainly effective training for the Role Of Carer. How does someone cope who has not received such experience ? Lucky White Heather, eh.

I am Exceedingly Lucky. TH used to work with Specialist Needs Provision Housing. So when we started planning DJ’s downstairs ensuite bedroom (otherwise known as ‘The West Wing’), TH insisted the ‘ensuite’ should be a ‘wet room’. I’d not really knowingly encountered the ‘wet floor concept’ – but I’m now Giving Thanks for TH. To be able to sluice the place down can be kinda useful.

A working washing machine is an item of household equipment to Hold In High Esteem and for which To Give Thanks. Frequently Taken For Granted. Like running hot water, rubber gloves and soap.

When It Needs Done, It Needs Done Quickly. And Efficiently. And Thoroughly.

And when ‘tis done – you can enjoy your coffee (or Tea…….. 6am is a bit early for a Gin and Tonic…..).

Ranking with Royalty !

Today, ChickPea found she had ‘An Official Birthday’ – just like the Queen !

We’ll not go into the details of quite HOW this occurred (Protecting The Innocent).

(Oh yes – there HAD been a secret after all ! )

This has been a glorious sunny day – just like you’d want for your birthday. And I got presents ! And TH did all the cooking (that’s a real gift too). AND we had scones with jam and clotted cream for tea (never mind the cholesterol – it’s my birthday !)

Wot fun !

And we now have a Wii to play with ! (And it’s got NOTHING at all to do with incontinence………!)

TREASURE HUNT

TH thought There Was A Secret.

ChickPea just thought TH wasn’t interested.

She’d floated the idea of writing a Blog, and TH had been encouraging. Then, NOTHING. No enquiries as to any further thoughts/plans/ideas/attempts to do this. NOTHING. (She knew TH was tired, and busy at work, and a bit not well – but, well, these things somehow didn't seem relevant – she still hoped he might have asked her about the Blog).

So when, yet again TH the CWK was flogging his laptop, instead of trying to talk to him, or Being Bored watching telly, ChickPea just got out her windup laptop and got on with it. When floundering in the jargon and intricacies of Blog setting-up, she got on with it or Tried What She Though Was Required, then took time out to Wait And See What Happened. And she did it. It Worked. And she wuz dead chuffed.

And TH Thought There Was A Secret. (Some chance !)

But – There Wasn’t. Just one of those Elephant Pits of Communication Failure. So now ChickPea had discovered what a ‘URL’ might be, she could email the Blog’s one to TH.

Is a ‘Secret Shared’ a ‘Secret Halved’ – or a ‘Secret Doubled’ ?

Mr Mutt's Morning

Mr Mutt is having his morning siesta on the lawn. He’s had his breakfast, been out for his morning stroll and is now snoozing outside, well away from DJ’s hearing aid and ChickPea’s attempts to keep DJ awake whilst awaiting the transport out to the Day Centre. (This amount of effort does not bode well for the day centre staff, who will no doubt bring him home early………) But for Mr Mutt, life is ok.

He has a variety of companions in his garden, does Mr Mutt. There’s the Tabby Twins from next door who visit him for a bit of entertainment (they get bored at home, and Mr Mutt is good for a larf – he tries to disappear into the scenery in his efforts to avoid the TTs). Then there’s the Flying Fraternity. These are wearing coats of very many colours – the bluetits and great tits in particular love the peanuts hanging from the rowan tree, while the sparrows, greenfinches, dunnets and occasional goldfinches prefer the seed feeder (not such a good mix as usual, so not so many visitors this morning). The neighbourhood robin is keeping an eye on proceedings, while the blackbirds are wary because the lawn is a bit too long for their liking. I keep hoping any available thrush will call by for a snail feast – these are walking up the windows of the conservatory this morning, and disporting themselves in a most unseemly manner. (Will the chooks eat snails ? – I’m told they will help me sort out our slug situation).

Who else to keep Mr Mutt company ? There’s the current grey squirrel who is still learning the knack of hanging upsidedown to raid the peanut feeder – his predecessor was much more accomplished at this feat, but our neighbour saw a fox feasting next door, and that gymnast has not appeared since. The Fox Family have not been seen in the garden visiting Mr Mutt (yet – tho they have been known to tag along for his late evening walks, coming as close as about 6 ft, causing Mr Mutt a little anxiety). They certainly visit the garden in his absence, and we see signs of a hedgehog who visited last night – but I don’t think this one has much of a taste for slugs !

The washing line is filling up, and there’s a wee breeze this morning to make the sheets flap. DJ was busy last night. Oh – the joys of having an outdoor opportunity for drying wet washings. I remember when we moved in, March 2005, glorious sunshine that first week, inspiring breakfasting in the garden, Ms Mog discovering the delights of chasing the squirrels, and TH discovering the pleasure of shirts dried outside. Life certainly holds Good Moments.

So, with all this activity, Mr Mutt has to concentrate quite hard to achieve slumber or significant boredom when he’s out on the lawn. He’ll have to work even harder at sleeping once the chooks arrive – but I think, between you and me, we’ll keep that a secret just now, eh !

Porridge

So what accords ‘Porridge’ the merit of being such a High Blessing ?

Are you a morning person ? I confess that I am NOT – more of ‘an owl’ than ‘a lark’ (usually. Sometimes DJ gets me up in the wee sma’ hours, I cannae get back to sleep and the Lark Manifests… Always a shock to the system).

I grew up with a Mum who endeavoured to keep the Feast of Breakfast not only Interesting but Unpredictable. This must have been enormously demanding with 3 ravenous kids, but was presumably A Ploy To Get Them Out Of Their Beds in the morning. Not sure it worked. But it certainly merits 100 out of 10 For Effort.

That DJ is addicted to porridge is Very Helpful. When he’ll eat nothin’ else, he’ll ALWAYS eat Porridge. His swallowing is always ok when he’s eating his porridge - and he doesn’t fall asleep when he’s eating his porridge.

All of which helps create a Much Less Challenging Morning ……….. which has to be A Good Thing.

PS. Porridge is also said to help lower your cholesterol levels. TH and DJ both have very low counts. I don’t. I blame the genes, personally………

Sleep (2)

Remember our daytime herbal tablets experience ? Well – before we found the daytime ones, we discovered ‘Nightime’ versions.

Again, we only discovered these in desperation because traditional medical approaches not only failed us completely, but dramatically increased the ‘not sleeping’ problem.

And again, so long as we didn’t try to use them every night, but just as a ‘fallback’ to achieve the occasional ‘satisfactory’ night, we got fairly good results. Not 100% you understand.

And then, reading DJ’s newspaper one day, there was this article about melatonin. A natural part of human bodily functioning, natural ‘normal’ levels increasing at night to help sleep. Noted to often be depleted in the elderly.

So – we tried to discuss it with the psychogeriatrician when we had a meeting about the difficulties we were having trying to live with DJ’s disordered sleep. He didn’t know anything about melatonin. Clearly didn’t WANT to know about melatonin. Certainly didn’t seem inclined to think it would offer any benefit. Maybe The Time Had Come to put DJ into Permanent Residence Somewhere. End of meeting.

This is Why You Need Confidence In Your Own Abilities as a carer.

Back to the Internet (a few weeks later - when we were again getting desperate, having discovered the benefits but also the shortcomings of herbal tablets). And what did Computer Whizz Kid, TH find ? – you guessed it, Melatonin. So we got some. And we tried it. And we had nearly 2 weeks of fairly normal sleeping for DJ (and us). Miracle of Miracles.

That was Then.

Now we’ve just had 4 nights of very disrupted sleeping. TH and I find this Very Difficult. DJ doesn’t – he usually gets allowed to sleep for bits of the day just to Help Survival Of The Carers. Today T from Crossroads was in for the afternoon, and had to contend with DJ demanding to go to bed from about 2.30pm……. We finally let him go to bed just about 6.30pm……. then he was up out of bed about every 20mins and pestering to get dressed from about 7pm, determined it would be morning if he wanted it to be……finally made him sit up with us at 9pm……but still not wanting his bed at 11pm...... it’s now 11.34pm and we’re hoping he’ll settle this time……

Has been at least partly related to Gut Gymnastics....

The melatonin continues. Last night I re-tried one of his previously-successful-before-Respite-abused-it herbal tablets……

……. SURELY he will be so tired tonight he will sleep……

Memory - or lack of it

DJ’s memory isn’t any more – well, not his short term memory. This brings endless frustration – not for him, because he doesn’t tend to remember that he can’t remember – if you see what I mean.

If You Live With Dementia you will know this one.

Like me an’ TH, you will no doubt find it difficult to understand, and astonishingly difficult to remember that DJ doesn’t actually mean to forget, nor intend to frustrate us. I’m also absolutely sure that he doesn’t intend to irritate the heck out of us. But, I confess, it happens.

So, for example, he forgets that he is getting dressed, and takes his clothes off again when he was almost fully dressed ……. like this morning when I nipped thru to the kitchen to check the porridge wasn’t burning – only to get back to him and find the tie off, all the buttoned shirt buttons undone again, shoes off and All Systems Go For Bed – an unbelievably reliable occurrence when getting him up to meet a deadline !

So how – HOW – when he is so so good at forgetting everything, does he remember the ‘Recurrent Themes’ ?

Like “When am I going home” ?

DJ goes to a Dementia Day Care Centre - well, it's actually the assessment centre, but there seems to be nowhere else that will accept him for day care now – our local Specialist day centre expelled him for being disruptive during his probationary six weeks……. fortunately the assessment place is being kind enough to us to keep him going along Mondays and Fridays at the moment………..

ANYWAY…. the staff deal with DJ’s repetitive “When am I going home ?” question by putting numerous pieces of paper in his pockets saying such as ‘we will take you home at 3pm’. What they don’t want to know is that after he gets home here this very self-same question continues over and over and over again for the next 3 hours or more……

I remember the last time TH took DJ back to his former home in a more northern city – where DJ had lived fifty years and more, and where TH lived and grew up – a well-kent place. But DJ was completely lost, couldn’t find the bathroom in the 2-bedroomed flat, wandered, fretted, wouldn’t settle or sleep…… so poor TH gave up on the Intended Tasks, headed back southwards and arrived home here absolutely exhausted after their 36 hours away….

Dementia is a poor trip. “Home” does not seem to be a place that he can go to for DJ any more, but a desperately vivid, unobtainable dream……….