Of Chooks..... and Church....

Yesterday the chooks arrived. Well, were collected from Jedburgh, and transported back in a quizzical box. With Occasional Noises and Sporadic Pecks. (‘Pecks’ of the beak variety – none of that ‘gym’ and 'effort' nonsense here……)

It was dull and overcast when TH and ChickPea identified The Two Concerned from amongst their sistren (‘brethren’ not being present as they don’t lay eggs….). By the time they reached their new home, the heavens were Precipitating Wet Stuff, so the chooks snuggled down, battened down the hatches, and hoped for Sunshine.

Well, maybe they didn’t get sunshine, but there have been Moments Of Dry today. So ‘Eena’ and ‘Meena’ have discovered Grass, and Sky, and things To Walk Over, and lots of new Things To Eat. And Wind. (Ruffles the petticoats, but is ok).

And they gave us an egg !

While they were busy about All That, closely guarded by TH and Mr Mutt, ChickPea was doing some Catching Up With Herself, kindly supported by Others.

And there was a wee bit of ‘Episcopalianism’ involved too. You’ll have been hearing about ‘General Synod’ (happening Now), and ‘Lambeth Conference’ (happening Soon) in England. National Newspapers are making great sport. Easy for us Piskies to sit back on the sidelines and gawp at much of this. You know how families tend to be……. And need a bit of a reminder, and Help To Reflect.

We got a most thought-provoking sermon this morning. Find it at www.thurible.net - I do recommend a visit if you are willing to engage in a Little Reflection, Thought And Consideration……… with perhaps a willingness to Recognize The Struggles from Another Perspective.

Is To Be Expected.........

We had expected Life To Be Different Without DJ. But hadn’t expected these overwhelming feelings of grief and loss, and the complete and utter dis-order of Life Turned Upside-Down……..

We all slipped quite gently into living together, several years ago. DJ was getting more lonely in his Northern Town about 400 miles away from TH and ChickPea. He enjoyed his holidays down to visit them. Truth be told, he wasn’t really feeding himself so well on his own, and he was getting a bit scared living alone. For TH and ChickPea there was little Impact On Life Here initially. DJ was independent and self-caring, ate with them, sat with them, watched TV with them, conversed a little. Didn’t want to go out much, but enjoyed coming along to church and sitting away up the back while his son and daughter-in-law sang with the choir towards the sharp end. Life was ok. A bit tight for space, maybe, because a 2-bedroomed house with too much clutter doesn’t allow much room for manoeuvre. But we got by…..

As changes crept in, so Life Accommodated. When DJ stopped bothering to eat on his own, the Support Team started to visit. When he got lonely on his own all day, he started going to a Day Centre. The Space Factor was dealt with by a purpose-built bedroom with an ensuite wetfloor shower room. When he forgot it was night time, he had a notice by his bed to remind him. Life accommodated so gently to start with we hardly noticed. The downhill slope was so very gradual, then.

When he developed the need for 24-hr care in September 2006, ChickPea stopped working to keep him company. She thought DJ would continue at home for at least 4-5 years yet......

ChickPea looks back now, and can hardly believe that the recent precipice was so hidden from sight. This crash was not expected yet. Sudden unforeseen loss of life maybe, a kind and gentle visit from the Grim Reaper in the depths of a night…… but not this catastrophic loss of sleeping and ‘domino-effect’ health deterioration. ChickPea had hoped we could continue until at least the end of the summer months. All kind of ‘civilized’ and kind of ‘manageable’. If only…... but some things you cannot control…….

DJ appears as well as can be expected, really. Residential Homes have the security of warmth, company, routine, absolutely and completely predictable mealtimes. Not too much unpredictability. He has been quite settled when ChickPea has visited this week. Calm, not Anxious or Fretful (these latter 2 Fearfuls had become regular companions for DJ here at home). Talking a little, seeming to accept honest answers to questions, managing to play dominoes with a little assistance. And he is clean, quite tidy, cared for. A few nights of falls and not sleeping, but that is as it has been recently. More than six weeks without full sleep wasn't going to be survivable for any of us - the writing was appearing on the wall, even if we didn't want to read it. The staff are great – all seem kind, relaxed, friendly, concerned. Willing to talk a little – but not too much – getting on with their jobs as necessary. There’s a good atmosphere. Helps ChickPea’s head to cope, even if her heart and emotions are totally screwed up just now. Is To Be Expected, I guess……….

Friday 4th July 2008

Happy American Independence Day !

A notable day for the ChickPea family – because the henhouse and run have arrived ! At Last ! All 5 (big) boxes of it. All now lurking in the conservatory (rainclouds hovering around, and wet cardboard really doesn’t appeal……), awaiting The Bread-Winner's Return - then we’ll get tore into assemblage, and find out if all the bits have arrived ok………..

But 2 months later than first anticipated, so DJ misses out from our growing family, which is sad. Part of the original intention was for therapy – for DJ to have something soft and alive to hold and cuddle (Mr Mutt proving not to consider this an appropriate duty) – but as we’ve found, these 2 months have brought such changes………

Maybe the Feathered Females – 2 due to be collected tomorrow, another 2 to join them when we can – will prove to be good therapy for TH and Chickpea, re-organizing and re-aligning their lives without DJ under the same roof.

Hen-parties imminent………….

" 4 and 6 words"

Yes – ChickPea remembers she made a promise. At that time, the words which collected together to describe where she was at were “rested, balanced(ish), trusting, pensive…….”. Basically, ok.

Since then TH and ChickPea have been having to face the stark current realities of our life, and recognizing the minefield which has to be traversed. Realistically, for DJ’s care, there is no other choice. And reluctantly, very reluctantly and very sadly, TH and ChickPea are taking the first steps for him into the minefield……..

Now it has to be 6 words, and these have to be “very sad, utterly realistic, very many tears……….”.

You can see or guess where we’re at. ……….

Weighty Matters

DJ is no lightweight (The Falls Prevention Team weighed him about 6 months ago and pronounced him too heavy – but, honestly, is it really appropriate to put a 95 year old on a weight-loss diet ? He always loses weight whenever he is in Respite anyway, like 4 holes-worth of his trouser belt - so it was reassuring to think that with a wee bit extra of him there might be something of him left to get home after such ‘breaks’ away).

But as you have gathered from previous postings, he’s been falling a lot over the last few weeks. Like 2-3 times every night. Getting him up off the floor at 2am is not easy. But it’s not just the weight factor. He increasingly does the exact opposite of what you have asked him to do, or otherwise does the most unhelpful thing you can think of. Now we KNOW this isn’t intentional – that it is yet another aspect of his dementia - but at 2am in the morning it just made the whole situation so very much more difficult…….

The last few nights before he went into Respite were essentially ‘good nights’. Only had to scrape him off the floor twice between 9pm and 7am……. Somehow he has evaded severe injury….. Somehow, so have we…. Though TH has an almost permanently bad back, and despite ChickPea’s back easing off when she stopped working for the NHS, there have been twinges…… and now, with DJ still away in extended Respite, her back is being very troublesome indeed…….

Meantime, back to the main topic. ChickPea herself would very much like to Whittle Weight Off Own Waist. (what waist…?..). We are gradually managing it with Mr Mutt, who became decidedly podgy for a while – and he is now bouncing much more often when he’s out for his constitutionals. (See him this morning – WOW !) ChickPea had hoped the regular exercise would do it for her too – but no…………. Meantime PK has proven that weight loss is possible and done an incredibly good job in trimming down. Looks great and seems to have settled now into his new shape (tho not sure if he’s bouncing like Mr Mutt). Quite Inspirational. Had hoped it might be a ‘catching’ thing…….. but no sign of it so far……….

In ChickPea’s teens/twenties/even thirties she had absolutely NO difficulties with ‘overweight’ or even 'minor flab'. Now it just won’t budge.

Any handy hints/ top tips ?

The Tender Touch

How often do you touch someone ? Anyone ? How often are you touched ?

The world seems to divide into 3 groups over touching – those who touch readily, those who just don’t – and those who are learning to touch…….

ChickPea grew up in a family which didn’t touch each other very much at all. There Were Reasons For This which became known very much later. But it meant that she found physical contact very VERY difficult. Anxiety would arise. Didn’t help the teenager find friends. Didn’t do much for the ‘twenty-and-thirty-something’ desperate for a partner.

But teenage years did introduce 2 very lovely people into ChickPea’s life who were ‘Touchers’. They touched everyone – in an honest, unaffected, positive, non-threatening, kind, affirming sort of way. And she learned to cope with being touched. And Life became more positive. And gradually, she realized that Life could be further enriched by touching others.

When she moved away from home to a far city, ‘being touched’ happened less often. But she was now training to be a professional ‘toucher’ for others. When she finished training, and gained confidence in her work, she developed a deep respect and awareness of the therapeutic aspects of touch. Assessing how to best touch each and every patient was a challenge – but respect, care, encouragement and affirmation were all clearly part of the contact experienced. Touch people in the right way for them and they responded positively, did what they were asked and they got better ! – they even got well and left hospital. If ChickPea got it wrong, or ‘inherited’ people who had been touched less than kindly, they would not co-operate, and treatments were difficult. What was great was when people who initially found such contact difficult discovered they could cope with being touched, and they recovered too.

For some, recovery was never going to be possible. But for them, Touch was still therapeutic, and positive and caring and kind and oh – so very welcome. They often needed to touch, in thanks.

Out in The World Outside, the population still has anxiety about ‘touch’ – well, I guess it is about the implications of touch, really. If you but read the news you know how ‘Touch’, in all its inherent innocence and purity, has been and is being abused. Many people ‘back off’ if they think you might touch them.

I guess that’s maybe where Christ’s disciples were at when Jesus was in a crowd and Someone Touched His Cloak. The disciples just didn’t quite ‘get’ it. That there is touch, and touch. That you can bump into someone, and nothing is shared, nothing is gained. But there’s other times…….

And there’s times…….. some times……… when all you want is to be touched, or to touch…..to be held, or to hold. And you long that the ‘dare to’ be transformed into ‘ok to’.

Oh the Sheer Joy when able to find such trust, caring and kindness in a friendship. That you can share a hug, and hold and touch, is just so, so precious and so very wonderful a thing……….

Touch. One of the 5 Senses. A God-given gift.

Yes, ChickPea still finds ‘touching’ a challenge.

Mistress Mog

Ms Mog has lodged a complaint. As Most Senior Addition to ChickPea’s life (pre-dating TH even), Ms Mog reckons she should have had a blog to herself by now. ……. So here we have it.

Ms Mog was a tiny black 6-week old kitten when she joined ChickPea’s life. Like most (all ?) kittens she spent any time awake dashing about or eating….. or using her litter tray. Just 6 weeks old – and never an ‘accident’. When she wasn’t awake she was usually crashed out on ChickPea’s lap. She was gorgeous.

Then she turned into a wee monster – or was it a teenager ? No longer would she allow ‘cuddles’ – or even being picked up. ‘Red in teeth and claw’ would be accurate. ChickPea was Having Difficulty With Life – Ms Mog, nonetheless, was a good reason to come home. In the middle of the night, when she got lonely, or cold, she would sneak up onto the bed, and just Be There.

Various vivid memories from those early years – including the time she jumped out of the kitchen window and landed on a seagull ! She stopped catching birds after that one – they don’t come much bigger than that round these parts.

When she was 6 years old we moved out of the one-bedroomed flat into the current abode – and she chased squirrels for a while until the delights of spending all day lounging in the sun took over.

At about seven years old she decided that a cuddle might be ok. It took her over 2 years to learn how to make herself ‘lap-shaped’ – night-time snuggling up being her speciality. Starting with just enough inches on the edge of the bed and progressively stretching and pushing to make the folks give her more room…….. and over the years she has perfected this trick - we now wake up in the morning to find she has commandeered at least 1/3 of the total available space…..(lucky we got ourselves a big bed, eh !)

She had a fine life then, waited on for breakfast and supper, central heating, out for 10-20mins constitutional (out the back door, into the neighbour’s garden, up the side of the house, across the front, up our drive and in thru the back door). What more could a cat want ?

About May 2006 she decided she was Now The Upstairs Cat. When carried downstairs she would kick and complain. If taken out to get a breath of fresh air and sunshine she would stomp off and disappear for 4 hours. Upstairs is her domain, Thank You Very Much. (Unless there’s prawns……)

She’s now a wee wisp of a thing, but feisty yet, and still demanding her share of the bed. We may be into her last chapter, but we’ve not yet got to the Last Word. ChickPea will miss her.